In Harm's Way

I’ve been grappling with how to put my thoughts into words for this post all weekend.  This topic is one that I don’t take lightly and one that weighs on my conscience heavily.  You see, today is Memorial Day.

Last week my mom asked if we were interested in doing anything for Memorial Day as in a barbecue or family dinner.  I declined citing my regularly scheduled Monday night classes.  Of course, that’s only part of the reason I wouldn’t want a barbecue.

Memorial Day was one of those holidays growing up that I never fully understood I suppose.  There was innocence to it.  It meant that I didn’t have school and that school in fact was almost out for the summer.  In high school it meant that there would be an invitation for us band members to play at the cemetery.  It meant that we would hopefully have decent weather for all the events that would be scheduled for outdoors as the summer season kicked off its shoes and basked in the light of the sun.

But that’s not what it’s really about.

This photo blog appeared in my news stream this morning.  These photographs bring gravity to the day for me.  They show people.  Soldiers yes, but people first and foremost.  People who, for the most part, had no choice but to go into military service thanks to the draft.  Some of course volunteered readily I am sure.  All of them did what was their duty according to the expectation of the time.  However, these pictures ask us to look beyond the idealized and romanticized concept of the hero soldier and to see the human in the fatigues.  The human who chanced to meet Marilyn Monroe, the human who stared down the bell of a sousaphone and was not deafened, the human in a moment of solitude taking a whack at the golf ball in the open air and the humans finding time for a bit normalcy in video games in a place that in no way represents what we here in America see on a normal day.  However, for those in the military, these images represent stolen moments of calm amongst otherwise horrific and impossible situations.

A friend of mine who is in the military and who has served multiple tours in the Middle East posted this snippet from The Blaze.  My friend and his military buddies of course were offended by the pundits’ discussion.  Unfortunately, I think my friend’s emotional gut reaction of how he sees himself and his fellow service members interfered with his hearing the actual discussion.  The pundits aren’t trying to insult the individuals.  They aren’t trying to demean in any way the job the military personnel are commanded to do.  It seems to me that these pundits are attempting a conversation on the efficacy of a policy that is tossing about a word that bears a tremendous force: hero.  For them, the panel members on this show, the word hero is losing its significance because the nation has been in sustained conflicts for its longest period in our history.  Our national policy has become one of war and devastation for the service members as well as the civilians.  The constant din of the War Machine numbs us to the actuality of the war itself.  The pundits may not be expressing themselves very well and my friend and other military personnel may not listen beyond the notion that these talking heads are reluctant to use the word hero to describe the military, but the point is important.  We’ve been doing this war thing so long that we are becoming desensitized to what it all means.  We’ve created countless heroes; so many that the word itself no longer holds the impact or meaning that it once did.  We lack the words to describe the countless deaths of soldiers both on foreign soil and at home.  We lack an accurate word for a man whose vehicle is blown up as he drives along a desert road.  We lack an accurate word for the woman hit by a stray bullet.  We lack a word for human lost in despair from all that still toils inside even though the tour of duty ended.  Hero used to connote something, but because of the constancy of overseas entanglements we run the risk of losing that meaning.  Perpetuating the hero archetype seems to lead to condoning the act of war—condoning the act of putting soldiers and civilians alike in positions of intolerable cruelty where they lose their humanity bit by bit.

Think I’m wrong?  Recently a top military officer unleashed a firestorm for calling the suicides by military personnel selfish.  I used to think that suicide was selfish.  It was one way I could keep myself from committing suicide because to me, I didn’t want to be selfish.  I didn’t think of myself as selfish.  Somehow, I don’t think the military men and women thought of themselves as selfish either.  I find it difficult to believe that these individuals would have thought about suicide if they had not first been in a position of war. I cannot fathom the torturous moments these people endured both in war and at home.  I know my cousin returned home from the first Iraqi war changed.  Not only did he display symptoms of the nebulous Gulf War Syndrome, but his wife would frequently find him shaking uncontrollably under the bed.  Sometimes he’d scream out in his sleep.  A friend of mine struggles to maintain his every day life after serving in the current Middle East conflict.  His Post Traumatic Stress impedes his ability to live a life of quiet contentment.  It disrupts his family’s sense of unity.  He is forever a changed man.  Numerous stories exist about the human cost of war.  These real stories run counter to the idealized hero soldier we who never go to war want to believe in so deeply.  They question that iconic coming home and feeling safe once again in the knowledge that what was achieved served a greater purpose and all is right now that the soldier is home.  These men and women have lived through an ordeal none can fully appreciate unless we’ve been there ourselves.  The image of hero is changing. 

I suppose that is what is so devastating.  We want to hold up these individuals for the duty they have performed.  We want to celebrate them for doing something few of us want to do.  We want them to know on the one hand we value them and that we  remember, but what do we really remember?  If we knew all about PTSD and suicide rates of soldiers would we be so cavalier about allowing our elected officials to send more humans into battle and think that a parade and a “thank you” now and then is enough?  Calling them heroes—is that enough to somehow be ok with the fallout?  I cannot help but think we as humans must evolve to another form of settling our conflicts because if we keep going to war we will never fully remember what that means. 

Humans are resilient.  Humans are resourceful.  Humans are capable of fantastic feats of compassion, empathy, creation and cooperation.  When I remember our military on this day, it is with sincere gratitude and hope that their ultimate sacrifice will one day no longer be necessary.

Even If Your Religion Says It's Right, It's Not

Sometimes I just want to smack someone up alongside their head when they say things like two people shouldn’t get married because religion says so.  Of course, that impulse is not keeping with do no harm right?  It’d be giving in to violent urges that really won’t help me make my case even if it would feel so good sometimes.  If you haven’t heard, North Carolina became the latest state to enact a law banning same sex humans from getting married because after all, that is something a law should decide right?  We should have a law that eliminates the hope of humans to pursue their happiness.  We should have a law that places one group higher and more worthy of privilege than another group right?  If someone says their religion defines marriage as one man and one woman than the opposition just needs to shut up and back off.  Invoking religion as an excuse to limit someone else’s pursuit of happiness is exactly what we should do.

Except we shouldn’t.

Ever.

A friend of mine pointed out that the last time North Carolina amended their state constitution was to ban interracial marriage.  Apparently they learned nothing from that experience.  They have forgotten the lessons taught about races and how that minuscule difference on our DNA that makes us one race and not another has absolutely no effect on intelligence or ability or competence.  It’s so tiny that in discussing the differences between humans it is largely irrelevant when considering humans as a species.  Consequently, we finally got it through some people’s thick noggins that skin color is really a stupid reason to keep people from pursuing their happiness with another person or from fulfilling their fullest potential.  When considering the biology of humans, I am willing to wager that differences between a homosexual human and a heterosexual human are even less noticeable.  Is this really the best Americans can do as humans—say I’m better than you because my religion says I am?  Preposterous!

I have no problem with people who aren’t comfortable around homosexuals.  I have no problem with people who believe in a religion.  I do have a lot of friends who fall into one or both categories.  They are entitled to their own right to privacy and religion yada yada yada.  However, when it comes to establishing laws based on religious doctrine that restrict the basic human rights of others such as the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness I get pissed.  Those human rights include equality before the law.  Therefore, if your church doesn’t want to perform a marriage for a homosexual couple, fine.  They don’t have to.  However when it comes to living in a secular society as we do, we should never vote on a basic human right like freedom of liberty to marry whoever the hell you want.  Period!

Now I heard an interesting counter to this idea of marriage as a human right.  Someone suggested that  marriage may not really be a human right.  Could it be a man made institution instead?  I actually shook my head in an attempt to understand exactly what this point was.  Somehow shaking my head vigorously would rattle my marbles into alignment to understand this notion.  Where is this distinction?  Huh?  Human rights are those items that humans agree upon as basic entitlements to everyone because they are human beings.  Marriage is not an expression of freedom of pursuing life and liberty and happiness and expression and thought?  WHAT?  Everything around us in society is a man made construct for cryin’ out loud and that includes human rights since humans are involved.  Le Duh!  After the horrors of World War II the world agreed that human beings needed to band together to protect the lives of all people who are oppressed because of gender, religion, race, and sexuality.  Do we need a homosexual holocaust to make it plain to everyone or can we agree that isn’t necessary?  There are simply some violations that humanity cannot allow to persist especially under the guise of religious freedom.  Religion is after all, a man made construct too.  I honestly do not see how one can be divorced from the other and used as a defense for legislated bigotry.  Freedom of speech protects even the most horrible statements.  People are free to practice whatever religion they want.  However when those beliefs are used to target a specific group and limit their rights to equality under the law, humans need to speak up and call bullshit. 

Religion can be beautiful.  Religions can provide a sound basis for living a good and a just life.  However when religion is used to justify oppression then it becomes a bastardization of its core belief.  When it comes to writing laws for America, religion should not enter into the discussion.  Boiling the religion out of the rules and focusing on the core ethics of the belief system reveals something remarkable; something that I have believed for years as I have been studying and pondering religions and spirituality.  All major world religions believe in some form of the Golden Rule.  Do unto others as you would have done to you.  If the tables were turned, would heterosexuals be ok being told they can’t marry?  Would they quietly accept “civil union” as an appropriate compromise?  They shouldn’t even have to consider it because we are all humans with the right to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  If two women want to get married how does that harm anyone?  If two men want to say, “I do” before a crowd of their loved ones who is harmed?  No one!  You don’t have to like it.  Your religion doesn’t have to perform it.  But your laws damned well better protect their right to marry because it’s the only just course of action.  

Neil Diamond: Spiritual Guru

Hopefully any Beltane activities were blessed and beautiful for everyone.  Mine shaped up to be quite an epiphany.  I did not intend this to happen; it just did.  I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out Beltane.  I get the symbolism.  I get the Great Rite--big personal fan of that concept.  However, I strive to maintain the balance of Beltane with the temperance of avoiding an all out orgy-astic depravity-filled bacchanalia--I want it to be personally meaningful in other words.  So as my last post suggested I wrote and performed my own ritual.  However, I did not feel as though I had truly uncovered the deeper meaning of Beltane.
I've studied Beltane cognitively.  I've always enjoyed the reports of schools where dancing around the Maypole is a class activity with a little smirk of knowledge.  I've snickered about May Day baskets that my niece or nephew make because I know that these symbols have become different over time just as so many pagan traditions.  They're not lesser mind you--just different significance for some than others. If you don't know, Beltane is all about the Sun God and the Maiden Goddess finally seeing one another across a crowded field and falling madly into the grasses consummating their union in the Great Rite so that life can begin anew.  Is there any greater holiday than one devoted to lovemaking?  Valentine's Day doesn't have anything on Beltane.
The whole Great Rite thing can easily get distorted and maligned as debauchery.  However, last night after ritual, I felt more centered.  I cast my circle, I invoked the deity images, I recited the poem, I even added a dash of off-the-cuff inspired words of gratitude and hope and oneness with the Earth.  As I ate those strawberries I delighted in their tart yet sweet juicy lusciousness.  As I drank the wine I felt energy flowing and reminding me that spring is an amazing time of hope and light and life!  It helped me get my center back.  It'd been a trying couple of weeks at work and in my personal life.  I have been feeling quite defeated, useless, frustrated.  Then ritual just snapped me into balance.  But something was not quite right yet.
I felt better.  I did.  However I just had that sensation that something was missing.  I didn't have that Eureka moment.  I had not suddenly discovered enlightenment about Beltane.
Then I came upstairs to find my husband on Facebook.
I adore my husband.  I've known him for over 20 years. In high school I did something very teenagerish and sent him a mixed tape--yes TAPE!  This was back in the day of cassettes.  You see, he had moved to the desolate plains of the Midwest and he took my fragile young heart with him.  So I did what any good teenage girl would do.  I made him a mixed tape of the sappiest, the most lovelorn, the can't be beaten love songs of my life thus far that included such heart-wrenching tracks as as "Somebody" by Depeche Mode and "Lovesong" by The Cure.  However, there was one song in particular that I put on there that I didn't think he'd know or have any connection to.  I honestly didn't think that based on what I knew about him at the time that he would even know who this artist was.  I was wrong and very glad to be wrong as well.  I put "Play Me" by Neil Diamond on the tape.
Now at the time I had no real frame of reference for the obvious sexual intent in the song.  It was just me being caught up in the glory of Neil's voice and that longing to just be held by my husband who at the time was miles away and for all I knew not thinking about me.  All of my friends will tell you--he gives great hugs. Always has.  I missed his hugs.  I missed feeling like the most beautiful girl when he looked at me.  I missed feeling him kiss me.  I missed him being with me.
Anyway, I come upstairs after ritual and he's on Facebook commenting on a video a friend of his posted which just happened to be "Play Me" set to these beautiful images of sunsets and scenery that were so calming I was swept away.  Then I saw his comment about the mixed tape and how I had included that song on it.  I started to cry.  I couldn't help it!  I'm not a cry type gal mind you, but I was just overwhelmed to come  up from ritual and see this scene unfold before me.
Suddenly--I got it.  I understood what Beltane is about for me.  For us--my husband and me really.  Beltane is about celebrating that love. For the big picture it is all about the Lord and Lady consummating their union to bring forth new life to the world.  We have no intention of bringing forth new life as in baby mind you.  Nope.  Not happening.  However Beltane at that moment was a beautiful expression of reminiscing about our history together and that innocence.  Recalling how much we as teenagers loved one another and didn't really understand the full scope of those feelings.  Swaying together and singing along with Neil: "I am the sun, you are the moon.  I am the words, you are the tune, play me."  Beltane meant celebrating our love and life together because it's been one hell of a journey.
Ritual was complete.