Pissed List

I'm just going to be honest. I've spent the better part of my week in my grumpy pants. It's been a rough week. I've had 5 days of active migraine pain. Needless to say, I've been grouchy. Without further ado, here  goes my pissed list.

Yeah, running away is a good idea, Goat.

People Blaming The School District For Not Being Clear Enough About The Levy
First of all, screw you. There were newscasts, op ed pieces, letters to the editor, two sparsely attended community informational meetings, board meetings every two weeks, and canvasing of the neighborhoods. There was also a lovely presentation  and explanation on the district website. Without the businesses jumping on board for the district, we did all we could to spell it out simply. If you are going to blame the district for not explaining the importance enough, I must ask what did you do to educate yourself? Did you attend any  of those meetings or visit the website? Did you watch the news, read  the paper, or ask one of the 1,000 employees about it? We were the only AA district that didn't pass their levy that day. Pretty clear message that this town does not support their schools. Good luck getting teachers or other professionals to move here with that knowledge. This vote will do nothing  to encourage young people to stay or to move here. Our community will continue to age.

Our district asking for support is not unlike this guy. We explain, but it's as futile as calling for Bueller.

I'm Sick Of Rushing Through Things Because I Don't Know How Much Movement I Can Get In Before I Am Laid Out In Pain
I move quickly and sometimes clumsily (Thanks Lamictal). When my head is in its firestorm of rage, it almost always gets worse when I move around, which means even going to the bathroom is a challenge. It's been exhausting  moving so quickly like I'm trying to meet a deadline in a  newsroom. Trying to jam all the things into the one window before it closes is stressful, and when you're supposed to avoid stress, it's a vicious cycle. Get it done. Get it right. Get back to rest. Repeat when able.

Gee thanks, Jeff.

I Resent Having To Push Through Work With Pain Because I Can't Call Off
I had pain start Tuesday. Ordinarily, I'd have stayed home Wednesday and likely managed things well enough too return Thursday. But not this week. I had a meeting on both Wednesday and Thursday so I had to slog through and stay home Friday, which makes our office staff thrilled because it's spring sports season and they really don't want non-athletic folk calling off on Fridays. Tough shit. After waking up three days in a row in pain and having to down a triptan and then move slowly only to then have the pain rage back in, I was toast Friday and not going to accommodate anyone but myself. Having to push through the pain only makes things ten times worse. I really want to punch people who say to do that. They clearly have no concept  or compassion. They have no idea what it's like to have to prep for sub every day before you leave because you just don't know what the next day will bring.

That's right. Fuck 'em all.

I'm Done With Fearing The Weather Report
Last week, we had a weather system with rain. Wouldn't ya know it? I got the pain. Yesterday, I was functional--only a 2 or so on the pain scale. Today, I looked at my phone for the weather and sure enough: rain storms. I used  to love storms; still do, but  now I have this fearful reaction to seeing those little rain  clouds with big 20 degree temperature variations. Seriously. Apprehension about the weather app. Fuckin' A.

Think this would work?

Fed Up With  People Saying That Violent Video Games Cause Active Shooters
So it's easier  to blame video games than it is to talk about background checks and holding people accountable for when their kid has access to the guns without restriction? These people clearly don't want to hear the evidence that contradicts their narrative. While it has been shown that violent video games increase aggression, aggression and violence are not equal. Not only that, but the aggression that is seen passes quickly--one report I read said 15 minutes and things go back normal. I have experienced this kind of aggression. I couldn't get past this one challenge in Diablo III and I got angsty. I got frustrated. I got loud. But when I shut the machine down and found something else to do, the aggression lifted. I didn't go out and try to hurt an actual person. It's not any more a video game's fault than violence  from explicit lyrics led to  Satanism in the 80s. How's about we talk about white male privilege and taking out their beef with the girl who rejected them along with as many others as possible? This situation is way the fuck more complicated than a goddamned game.

C'mon. I mean, Jason  didn't have violent video games and look what he did.

OK, maybe not the best example.

Beyond Vexed That My Hackles Are Always Raised When  I Hear About The Latest Crap Storm In Washington
There are two choices really: put your head in the sand or get outraged at every  news cycle. I saw an analysis of how media has changed since Watergate and why nothing is being done about the Mango Mussolini. Our ready access and consumption of media makes it easier to get information, but it also makes  it easier to get the wrong information. With so many ways to get news and so many outlets that just fan the flames, it makes it hard to know what's what. People used to trust the evening news because everyone was getting the same information. But now, those who support the Pumpkin Pimple get skewed and horrifically spun news (it works both ways I realize, but wait). It makes it hard for other Republican leaders to hold the Peach Poopstain accountable because to do so jeopardizes their reelection possibilities. Don't want to annoy their constituents who believe what their biased "news" reports say. They'd rather serve a master they don't respect or agree with? That's not right. Holding onto their power is worth trading  their values? They deserve to lose their position if that's true.

...elected officials would actually do what is best for  their country and its people.

There you have it. My  pissed list. I'd like to think that venting all that angst will release  the tension and pressure in my head, but I'm not that naive. I'm going to finish this blog and go lie down. I'm going to avoid the news, moving around too much, and thinking about work tomorrow. Maybe I'll curl up with  Anthony Bourdain season 8 of Parts Unknown with an ice pack behind my head, a cup of ginger tea, and at least one cat on my lap.

You and me both, Moose.

Moments

It's positively gorgeous today. It's about 70 degrees, big blue sky, and plenty of spring activity in the area. Twas a lovely day for getting out there and getting that pesky yard work done.

Totally could've used your help, Goat.

I went through and pulled some weeds from the herb garden. The Russian sage seems to have fought off the Monsanto incursion from last year. The asparagus has not. I'm still mad at the old neighbors for that killing.

Right, Woody? How dare they?

My husband removed a lilac bush that was mostly dead from the same spraying. Now we just need to get rid of those rhubarb plants. I am not a fan, but my husband likes it. We have friends who also like it and make pies etc. with it. Not my favorite. The stupid plant is already going to seed for the first time this season. Nuts!

I'm sure the rhubarb is laughing maniacally like this.

The raspberry patch is cleaned out. I started it, but my husband finished it. I'm glad they came back, but I really hope we get more berries. It was scarce last summer.

All the berries. I love all the berries.

But raspberry more than the others.

My husband had to finish the raspberry patch because I got to use the new mower. It's electric. It looks like a child's battery operated race car until it's unfolded. It's super quiet. I was surprised. I could talk to my husband while mowing and he could hear me. He's legally deaf, so this is a huge thing. Our backyard is enormous, but this new mower was not only quiet, it's easy to maneuver as well. I did some weed whacking first of course. While doing that, I noticed that our alley lilacs and the ones out front are getting ready to flower. I love lilacs in spring.

Spring is the best feeling after long, cold winters.

My husband tidied up some materials in the back yard; many needed to be tossed, but others just needed some organizing. This pleased me as we needed to be able to clear the weeds in that area and also I'll need somewhere to put the ladder this summer when I finish the painting on the east side of the house.

Or maybe this pig will paint the house for me...

Whaddaya say, Piggy?

The yard looks good. It's dry though. By now, we usually have had a lot of rain and the lawns are all vivid green. We've had very little rain. Consequently, the yard is still quite patchy and brown. It looks more like the start of July out there.

Well, it's not that bad, Dude...yet.

We'll be tilling next weekend to prepare for the planting of the garden.  I've got to make a list of veggies we shall plant. I do know I want more lavender for my herb garden. I can't get enough of the stuff in the herb garden. I might get some more catnip just to make those neighborhood cats happy. Ours, too.

Footage from the last time I planted catnip in the garden.

In the back of my mind though, I am worried that I've done too much. I did the UV protection to avoid problems with the lupus, but my muscles are really shaky. I couldn't lift anything for a while and they're still quaking. I wasn't out there that long, but it was enough I guess. It's always a precarious dance knowing that it's beautiful and you feel pretty good, so get the things done that need doing because you never know how you'll feel later. I had a migraine for the lest two days as well, so I was a bit fatigued anyway, but the things needed doing! Gah!

Gardening at night isn't such a bad idea if I didn't have to go to work the next day, Data.

It's never easy to figure out what you can do and what you shouldn't do. Do I feel good enough to get this much done on my list, or should I scale back? If I scale back, what will I be able to get done later?  I managed a small amount today, but how much of a toll will it take tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that? It's awful not knowing how much your body will go along with and how much punishment you will suffer for trying to live a normal life of things you enjoy.

That looks fun, Owl. That may be all I'm able to do tomorrow, so thanks for the idea.

For now, I will drink some more water. I will prep dinner with my husband. I will sleep well. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I will be able to go about my usual routine without difficulty. Besides, I want to enjoy the lovely job we did in the yard. It really does look nice.

You should come check it out, Moose.

We don't have a pool for you, but I'm sure the neighbor wouldn't mind if you used theirs.

Week in the Life

It's gorgeous here currently. It's about 80 degrees. My husband worked in the yard mowing, composting, and he even washed our cars. Ambitious man. He'll hurt like hell tomorrow, but he'll be proud of what he accomplished. It's early Sunday evening and I am reflecting a bit over the last week wondering where it went as we speed headlong toward summer.

Eat those tender, spring leaves, Goat. Tasty.

Beltane was this week. Definitely feeling the spring and starting to see it around town. The goslings along the river have emerged. The baby bunnies have braved life out of the den. Birdsong is the bloom of sound (I heard that on NPR just now. Lovely isn't it?). While I didn't do a full on ritual of any kind, I did spend some time in meditation on the what spring has to share. We're half way already--to mid-summer that is. It's hard to think of that in this region because we just established spring. We could still see snow, but it's likely to be that really heavy, wet kind that downs tree limbs and power lines.

Be gone, Demon Snow! I cast you out!

This week hasn't been all pondering the new season though. There's a real tension as we await the results of our school levy. Voting is on everyone's mind at the school. Some of our paras have already been told that they won't have jobs if the levy fails. Teachers without tenure are panicky. Teachers with tenure but little seniority are quaking. Even teachers like me who have 15+ years are worried because no levy means a reduction in force; that means tenured folks might be shuffled or worse, let go. Contracts are usually out by now, but they're waiting until after Tuesday. It's stressful and uncomfortable and no one is truly happy right now. We may smile and laugh, but underneath is a vibe of target-on-my-back disquiet.

Darts anyone? Anyone? 

I've been watching the teachers who have bravely been fighting for the students they love and teach. I've been cheering the teachers who walked out and forced their state's representatives and community members to listen. These efforts are long overdue. Listening to the state of some other districts in places like Colorado and Arizona and Oklahoma and Kentucky and West Virginia has been both eye-opening and inspiring. The idea of a strike has always been on my mind. I was a student in high school the last time our district went on strike.

Pretty sure I knew these guys then.

I was a sophomore and my mom worked in the district. My sister was in college already. My father was on disability and would soon be diagnosed with lymphoma in addition to his MS and chronic fatigue. While some of my classmates continued to go to school, I did not. Some students who stayed out like me saw it as a vacation. I did not. It was difficult. My mom's income was all we had as Dad's disability was really a pittance of the monthly income. His check was nowhere near enough to sustain our household. For the two weeks of the strike though, his disability was all we had coming in. Those two weeks were of course taken from mom's next paycheck, which was already scarce enough to meet our bills. I regret being an entitled, moody teenager then. You see, we had declared bankruptcy and we had a second mortgage because of the stupid ass requirements for disability. I don't know if Mom and Dad are out from under that yet or not.

The System: A Visual Representation.

Since then, I always felt secure in this district. We had passed levy after levy and the community really was behind the schools. Then the recession hit. Suddenly it was all about keeping what you had and if the schools needed money, they should scrimp, save, and only those with kids should pay taxes. Soon, we had restrictions on ordering supplies. Then, the paper was limited. No more color copies or card stock. The supplies like pencils, pens, post-its, dry erase markers and highlighters were no longer for student use and we had to account with the admin assistants for everything. Reduce reuse, recycle. We did it as levy after levy failed.

Ummm, thanks, Bart?

Then the reduction in staff started. Class sizes got bigger. Our special ed paras were axed, which meant our students with disabilities were hurt. They didn't have support in regular ed classes, so our resource classes got bigger and the student options got smaller. There weren't paras to support them enough in industrial tech classes or in business classes; they tried, but it was difficult for our neediest kids. Then the pressure to meet national benchmarks got worse. Failing school, loss of money, and morale sank. Yet, we kept showing up every day and worked our asses off to keep students engaged and challenged.

And yet they do, Daniel. They do.

We're desperate this year. My nephew is a senior and his Advanced Placement English class has been at 35 all year. If you are not familiar with AP classes, 35 is ridiculous. Trying to have a Socratic conversation with that many bodies confined in a room that was designed for a much smaller class (the building was finished in 1930) is absurd. I won't even mention the lack of adequate ventilation and antiquated boilers. A few years ago, the city did support a bond, which helped to address some of the aging buildings as well as start construction on a new elementary near where I live. But bonds are for building, levies are for learning. Trying to get the  community to understand that difference is challenging. Bond money cannot be used for operations. The rules are very clear on that.

Way to work around those rules!

Well played, Bun Bun. Well played.

Another complication that recently came to light is of course insurance. Health insurance costs are ridiculous right now, and our little corner of the world is no different. They want to end the insurance pooling. For my household, it's unsettling. My husband and I are both high risk on the health side of things. We rely on a pool to keep costs manageable. I really don't know what will happen if the pool goes away. I do know that our union has issued a demand to bargain. We've had great luck bargaining in the past, but this year it seems particularly ominous and irresolute. I just don't know where things are headed.

'Bout right.

I love spring. I love the earthy smell, the warmer temperatures, the baby animals, the buds on trees, and the flowers blooming. Until Tuesday night, I won't sleep easy though. I likely won't sleep easy after if the levy fails, but at least I'll know where things stand. There's a scene in Richard III by Shakespeare where Anne and Richard are talking over her dead husband's funeral procession. The fiend asks if he should live in hope. She replies that she hopes all men live so. Shall I live in hope? I keep trying, but I can't help feeling defeated already. At least our Education Secretary in Washington has our back. Oh. Wait...

Keep plugging along, Moose. Keep pushin' on.