You Can't Have My Goat

Sometimes I review items in my news feed and I get irate. I'm sure I'm the only person that happens to.

Skeptical goat doesn't believe that.

I do a large amount of my reading online anymore. I even have to pace myself because some of my favorite online periodicals limit the number of articles I can read on their site. It really harshes my nerdy revels.

Wait a minute. How'd that get in there? I don't spend time online looking at pics of Tom Hiddleston. I'm a  serious reader of important stuff.

The other night though, I came across an article in my news feed that got me all annoyed and feisty. This was right before I went to bed mind you. Not the best time to get all hopped up on self-righteous indignation and outrage. Consequently, I saved the article for later digestion and put the phone down so I could get some shut eye.

I can be mature. Sometimes. Sometimes I  like to put on pajamas and watch cartoons, too.

Whenever I come across a posting that tries to elevate my blood pressure like that, I have to pause and examine what about it gets my goat. I usually tend to take some time away before fully reacting. Other times, I just unleash a torrent of expletives to make the Merchant Marines proud. I'm sure my hubs and the cats appreciate my tirades.

Take cover!

Anyway, this article had one of those headlines that I typically avoid because I know it's likely to make me grumpy in some fashion. You know the kind: Real Men Do This or Happy Couples Always Do 10 Things That You and Your Partner Never Do. The implication of course being if you don't do those things you are not a "Real Man" or you and your spouse cannot possibly be happy if you don't also do whatever activity is in the article. It's tiresome and I therefore usually avoid the bait. Not this time though. This time I clicked, read, and spat at it like it was a spittoon in a Western saloon.

  

Not entirely sure what's going on in this sculpture fountain. Maybe it commemorates a spitting contest gone bad.

I reread the piece today. Right away I looked for the source of the information. It was a survey of 1000 some odd readers of Glamour magazine. I know what you're thinking: it's totally scientific and therefore worth all my angsty rantings. Then I read the original article. That's right, the one that set me off was an excerpted article from a different, longer article, which is always a logical way to get accurate intel.

This sandwich is a more reliable source.

What set me off? Good question. What set me off was the excerpted article highlighted the conclusion that 63% of those who responded to this absolutely to be believed academic journal that they would never be with a man who had slept with another man. Not be with as in slept with, but just not date at all. That same percentage of 63 though, said they'd not want to be boxed in by traditional labels of sexuality preferring a more "fluid" branding. Riiiiight. So let's get this straight here (see what I did there? Nudge nudge, wink wink), the group of women who supposedly responded want to be in more sexual fluid terms, but by gasharoonies, if their sexual stream washes them ashore of a man, he better not also be sexually fluid. While the members of one 63% might not be the precisely same members of the other 63% group, it's still not making sense to me.

Explain it to me, Johnny Depp! You're my only hope.

The original article, while of course suspect given the source, actually has some interesting reading material on people's experiences and perspectives. I find it suspect simply because I have to wonder how many are actually true and how many are fiction from the minds of staff writers. What? Too cynical? Whatever. Fiction or not, it's good reading about other perspectives.

You also need a working bullshit meter.

For me though, as long as a partner is a consenting adult who at that moment wants to be with me, I don't see why their past partner gender identification really matters. If we've eliminated the prospect of sexually transmitted cooties, I'm good. If my hubs had told me he'd slept with a guy before me, I wouldn't tell him to hit the highway. That'd be completely hypocritical of me. You see, I'm one of those women who doesn't want to be boxed in. I'm with my husband because he was that one person I never really got out of my system. He was that one person who I felt drawn to. Our wedding song was "It Had to be You" for  a reason. However, I remain open to the notion that I very easily could have fallen for a woman. If Death were to take my husband from me, I know I could conceivably find a second marriage with a woman. Thankfully, that is now legally possible.

Don't be getting any ideas there, Death. I see you thinking of things to do, junk food to eat.

My point is this: when it comes to gender issues and sexuality, we've still got some work to do and it begins with critical thinking, ensuring that everyone has the basic human rights of pursuing their happiness, and a willingness to examine our own consciences and practices...And avoiding clicking articles we know will piss us off.