Fire of Creation

It is Beltane Eve. I've set up an altar in my living room complete with a red-ish altar cloth and tree of life plate with a small pine on it. I have the wand I wove many Beltanes ago as well as all the elemental and moon and sun symbols. There are daffodils in the yard that I may bring inside to adorn the altar tomorrow morning. We'll see. I rather like the happy yellow in the yard right now. I used an incense just now to make the house smell good and to cleanse the space. I find it somewhat comforting and exciting to have our home prepped for summer. Goodness knows we here in the white north are ready to say good bye to winter.

 That's right Goat, enjoy the green.

I've always been drawn to Beltane since I began studying Paganism and Wicca. Having been raised Catholic and told that masturbation and sex outside marriage was a sin, I found it refreshing that a spiritual path recognized that sex was vital to our existence and something to be celebrated. I've never felt drawn to procreation as dictated by the Church, but I have felt the passions rise and demand my attention and participation. I felt free to acknowledge my own sexuality and inhibitions on this holy day. After all, look where denying sexual urges has gotten the Church.

Nothing but trouble, right Tarsier? But they should just handle that decades long indiscretion themselves and not acknowledge forced celibacy as a problem. 

Beltane is a fire sabbat. Traditional gatherings would do things like bonfires and have cattle jump it to protect them. Or, humans could jump the fire. I'd be fearful of catching a robe on fire, but I suppose skyclad solves that particular concern if you have a climate and private location for such activity. I tend to just start a small fire in my cauldron as a fire in the backyard is usually too chilly still for my comfort. I long for the huge bonfire celebration though. My friends held one at one member's property out of town and everyone was welcome to sleep in tents on the land. They were not only having their fire, they also had the dancing, which I love of course. Unfortunately, I had another Benlysta treatment and sleeping in the cold on the ground did not appeal this time around.  I see the fire though as a recharging of the earth's creative energy and therefore essential to this sabbat.

If only Beltane was next weekend, a fire outside would totally happen with the warmer temperatures. Alas!

Speaking of fire, I've been reading Michio Kaku's book Parallel Worlds: A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions, and the Future of the Cosmos.  Seems appropriate reading material for this time of year. The earth warms, the sun shines longer, the flowers begin again, and the little ones appear in nature. The gooslings for example have arrived along the river. Yes, I know the proper term is gosling, but I've called them gooslings for a long time now. Go with it. The Pope even recognized that the Big Bang happened. Of course, he believes that God clapped his hands or some such event and the Universe experienced the bang that set things in motion. He did say God didn't wave a magic wand. Interesting distancing from magic there, Popey. Whatever. I also saw one of the women who went to school with my sister comment on that post that she sees the connection between science and the natural world as the greatest symbol of God's hand in creation.

I know, Chuck. I do appreciate your portrayal as a reluctant schmuck in a bathrobe struggling to write the path of the universe though.

To be clear, the Big Bang does not require a creator. A creator is a human construct. I've heard a lot of scientists who reconcile their faith this way. However, that makes no sense to me. If we truly accept the Big Bang and its subsequent revelations, we no longer have need of a creator. Yes, I include the Lady and the Lord, the Mother Goddess and Father God, the Moon Goddess and Sun God--whatever name you give them, they aren't essential to the beginnings of life on this planet. The moon and sun though are. The moon gives us tides and the sun keeps us warm so life keeps going. That balances life and seems important to acknowledge in the grand scheme of universe and cosmology. The universe began in fire and may end there as well as Robert Frost said, or it may well end in ice. What won't happen though is some deity coming down and smiting us all only to restart the universe. It makes for good fiction, but the force and beauty of creation and its destructive force to immolate creation does not mean a creator is pulling the strings waiting for just the right moment to torch things and try again.

Besides, with the current administration's denial of global warming, who needs a deity to destroy things? We can do it ourselves.

I will celebrate the spark that gave our universe life, but I will not name the Goddess or the God. I don't believe in them, which according to D. J. Conway and others makes me "not yet fully and truly a Witch" (reference my previous post). It does make me "Witch material" and a Pagan. I'm ok with that. My spirituality is mine and mine alone. I will use the fire of creation to focus my personal festival. I can appreciate, revel, and commune with the natural forces of the summer while acknowledging the Big Bang origins without feeling conflict. Right now, I think I'll read my book, perhaps watch a documentary on cosmology, and be grateful I'm part of all creation.

Enjoy Beltane your way, Moose. 

Am I Witch Enough?

Am I witch enough? This question occurred to me yesterday as I sat with some lovely women discussing a potential Summer Solstice community celebration. We have a rough idea of what we want to do and plan of where to start and it all seems exciting. Except, after the initial meeting, I stayed around and listened to the discussion. As I listened, I realized that perhaps I am not witch enough for this group, or any coven/group for that matter.

That's right, Goat. I'm totally cool just doing the solo thing.

You see, I consider myself more atheist than Wiccan. I think of myself as more Pagan than Wiccan. If I feel the need for a ritual, I'll hold one. However, I'm really not that bogged down in dogma or tradition or much of anything really. I've kind of spent my time in the Wiccan community building my own spiritual path and cultivating my own needs and beliefs. What I've found is a total disbelief in any kind of deity. I have discovered a tremendous respect for the earth and its creatures as well as its landscapes. I believe science has the best possible answers to all of our mysteries of life and I feel no need to ascribe any of the natural world to a deity or hand of God/Goddess. Many would say this takes me out of the Wiccan realm altogether. As I listened yesterday, I realized that in this group, I also didn't have the right to lay claim to being a witch; as if it was some sort of new invention in need of a patent or something.

Um, no. I'm still pretty much with the whole pacifist thing.

Apparently the debate of witch versus Wiccan goes beyond whether Wiccans should accept or be insulted by the term witch. Some people are offended at the insinuation of being called witch rather than Wiccan. When I first heard of this debate, I considered as I do most things: rolling it over in my mind and meditating on it. I concluded that it didn't really matter which term you preferred, as long as you know why you chose the one you did. I don't care if people call me a witch, a Wiccan, a pagan, or a heathen for that matter, but these ladies take their wording seriously.

Oh my. If any of them looked at me this way, I'd run and hide in a salt circle.

My friend who is a women's studies scholar and Medicine Woman and true practitioner of the Craft seems to see a distinct line separating the two. One is heritage. She comes from a long line of Celtic tradition I believe and it is part of her ancestral blood. She also sees her working of magic (she may prefer magick, but I don't know) as legitimate and effective from what I've gathered. When we were discussing the Litha ritual plan, one asked if we should have a male participation. I thought that'd be great since it is the celebration of the sun's zenith of power. However, she shot this down without equivocation. I was a little taken aback. At one point, there was a remark made that those "baby Wiccans" should just leave and let the one's who practice the craft handle things. I sat back a bit and wondered if I was with the right group. There were males at our January full moon gathering. Why shouldn't one be included here and excuse me? Did you just call me a "baby Wiccan"?

Dafuq?

I was inclined to stop talking at all and really listen to what was being said. I felt at once on the defense and also a bit confused. No men in the circle. The comment made referred to how this has to be very female strong. Now I believe wholeheartedly in the women strong idea, but excluding anybody seems like something I'm just not down with. I left Catholicism because it was so oppressive of females and those in the LGBTQ community that I couldn't in good conscience stay.  To limit our participation based on gender seemed immediately wrong. If we were inviting the community to participate and witness and learn about our practice, then why would we exclude men? What about transgendered individuals? I know my friend is sympathetic to the trans community because of her step child. But does that not play into the ritual circle? Maybe their version of witchcraft was indeed different from mine. Different enough to be an issue? Perhaps.

Serenity now!

Prior to hearing all of this, I agreed to be the element of air in the circle. My theater voice and presence will really be an asset to the ceremony I suppose. I can get behind the elements since they are to be experienced and perceived. I know air exists and allows for untold inhabitants of the Earth to live.

 

Just because I know it exists doesn't mean it will do anything for me in or out of a sacred circle.

However, I feel a bit of a fraud. I don't have an ancestral claim to witchcraft, and I don't have a certificate or anything that shows my official status as a Wiccan; I never went through a coven training. I'm completely self-taught thanks to Scott Cunningham. I've thought and meditated and practiced so much that I've concluded that on a sabbat I can just be mindful of the day. I can eat certain foods if I want to call up the significance of the day. I can sit in the forest or along a lake or on my porch and read about the sabbat. I can light a candle or incense and let my mind wonder over all that I know about the day. I can bask in the moonlight or the sunlight (in full use of long sleeves, big hats, and zinc) or I can do nothing more than breathe deeply and recall that another notch on the wheel has turned. I suppose I'm fairly loosey-goosey about it. Maybe more so than any of them.
But it works for me. I can hold a circle and call upon the forces of nature and the elements of the earth and not invoke any God or Goddess or fairy or spirit. I don't think any of those are real, so why invoke a false construct?

Makes about as much as sense as doing that to a Big Mac.

Listening to them talk about their beliefs in the craft, I was not nodding along. I certainly was not accepting everything I heard. I was thinking quite critically about it all though. Who can truly claim the term of witch or Wiccan? I don't know. However, if I don't believe as they all seem to, then it feels somewhat wrong and maybe a little inappropriate to horn in on one of their rituals; especially one as deeply personal to their circle since it's the first public ritual they've ever done. Perhaps I should stick to the outside circle and let the inner circle perform their passion play. My atheistic paganism with Wiccan tendencies might not be witch enough.

That's right, Moose. Just collecting some wildflowers on Litha is enough for me.

Med Change Mayhem

One of the delightful aspects of living with any chronic condition is the constant vigilance of new medication. Sometimes, a med just stops working as well as it did. Sometimes a dosage needs a tweak. Sometimes you need something new altogether. It gets tedious, annoying, and disruptive to the nice little status quo you've worked hard to build. Yet, we persist and adjust.

I know, Goat. Even when we can't see the end of the tunnel, we keep going.

So it is and so it shall continue to be. Sometimes you get lucky and one aspect improves. Take my migraines for example. Taking amlodipine gave me two headache free months initially (two years ago). Of course it was the lowest dose possible since I don't actually have high blood pressure. Now I have gone up a notch on that to a point where they won't go any higher. This is consequence of my sudden increase in migraine symptoms especially the imbalance issues. I was so thankful for the amlodipine at first, I didn't want to admit that I needed something else. But I did finally cave and started the Topamax fiasco. I wrote about that unpleasantness in an earlier post. Thankfully, I no longer take that one. It didn't work at all. It made matters worse. When that happens, you really get discouraged. Then something glorious happens.

OK, Hiddles, not quite as glorious as hearing you say that phrase to me, but still pretty stinkin' glorious.

I finally got to see a neurologist who suggested Lamictal. Another seizure med that is also used to treat bi-polar disorder. Oh dear. I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught of awfulness. She assured me that I wouldn't likely have any of the same side effects of Topamax, but if I did, call immediately for a consult. OK, I'll try it and slowly climb up that 6 week dosage ladder to 100 mg twice a day. Guess what: I've experienced a sharp decrease in headaches. I've had only two this month compared to 16 days of 30 the month before.

I know Cumbercutie. I couldn't be more pleased.

 On the other hand, now that I've got a way to control the headache portion of migraines, I started Benlysta for my lupus. It has to be administered via infusion, which means going to the hospital every two weeks to start and then once a month thereafter. When I got there last week, they said I needed Tylenol to prevent/treat a potential fever, an antihistamine to address any allergic response like what you get with pollen, and a steroid to give me a boost. WTH? Fine, bring it on. Little did I know that the good feeling I had leaving the infusion center would not last. In fact, I'd get progressively worse over the next 24 hours.

 I know, Sam. That's how I feel right now. It makes me snarly.

I had the infusion on Thursday and by Friday night I started to hurt all over. When I woke Saturday, I felt like I couldn't possibly get going because the fatigue was so awful. I went to the store anyway. I'm stubborn like that. When I got back, I started making pies for Easter. It was a challenge. Then I took a shower. The water hurt when it touched my skin. My clothes felt tight and pained my hips. I couldn't stand to wear my bra anymore. Oh shit! It's fibromyalgia symptoms. 

Precisely, Sloth. I didn't want it either. It hadn't been that bad in a long time.

When Sunday rolled around, I barely got out of bed. I still hurt all over and even a hug from my loving husband hurt. He was gentle mind you, but holy crap! It'd been ages since hugs hurt that bad. I dragged myself through the morning because it was Easter and we were expected at the family gathering. I chose a nice, flowing outfit that didn't hurt when I put it on. I lathered up some zinc sunscreen. I took my meds and hoped for the best. I was stiff and sore, but I managed. When we got home, off came the clothes and I grabbed some more pain killers and muscle relaxants. 

Current mood.

Benlysta is supposed to be this wonderful medication that addresses the lupus fatigue and other symptoms. It has great reviews and a high success rate. I just hope like hell that I'm not in store for this days long agony every time. I do have a life to lead. However, as I sit here on my last day of spring break, I worry about whether I will manage to get through work tomorrow. My neck keeps threatening a spasm. My body aches. My hands are pained. My extremities are swollen from water retention. I didn't get nearly the stuff done over break that I had planned because I'm in such pain. I'm going to let my doctor know this is what happened after one treatment. I know she's going to say stick with it. I know that according to one small study, it took 6 months for the incidence of fibro symptoms in women to go from 40%+ to less than 15%. But it's no wonder that people with chronic conditions get anxious and depressed. This med change thing is exhausting and frustrating and I really am worried about school tomorrow. I may even have to back out of some fun activities I had planned. 

Easier said than done, Lady Mary.

So I sit here with my neck making turning my head exceedingly painful--it seems even angrier after using the TENS unit. Even my heating pad isn't enough. I've actually considered running the bed warmer we use in winter to make the bed toasty because hey! Full body heating pad amirite? My soft robe is barely tied around me so as not to cause pain. My cats are keeping me company on the futon (If anything, this experience has revealed how badly we really need a more comfortable sofa). My hands feel stiff and swollen so much that I keep moving my rings because they are so tight. At least after three cups of lemon water and some ibuprofen I can take them off again. I guess it's all part of the chronic illness ride. People who haven't experienced it just don't know. I'm loathe to talk about it to anyone but to my husband (he has his own auto-immune issues to deal with) and anywhere but on here. It helps to vent. Thanks for reading.

 

Yes, Moose. A nap sounds wonderful.

Memes and Me

My seniors are studying humor right now. We've been looking mostly at satire and parody. We've watched Saturday Night Live, we've read Onion articles, we've watched Michel Jackson's "Beat It" and Weird Al's "Eat It". We've also studied Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice as well as the Emma Thompson's adaption of Sense and Sensibility. Now, we're poised to read Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. We've had fun, and I hope they enjoy the book as much as I did. They're seniors. They've earned a little levity in their final quarter of high school. I know I still have a sense of humor despite my recent reaction to a stupid meme online.

 I know, Doctor. It's possible to just scroll on by, and yet...

I was annoyed. My friend, who I know has more conservative views than mine, commented, "Ha ha! Good one." Rationally, I know that memes are the lowest form of commentary and do not encourage thoughtful discourse. I know that to be vexed by a meme is ridiculous. I know it should roll off my back like so much spring snow water. But it took a while to calmly consider the stupid thing. Thing is, memes that attack liberal and conservative views really don't help anyone's position or cause. They often have simplistic terms and inaccuracies. I know these things, and yet I was pursing my lips and ready to assert my retort to that meme. 

Yes, Goat. I know. You're right as always. Let it be and move on.

Instead of reacting, I went and got myself some more coffee. I made a grocery list. I started some laundry. All good things to distract my attention away from the hideous meme that completely misrepresents liberals and the concept of pro choice. As I was busily scrubbing the kitchen counter, I thought about a scene in "Game of Thrones" that we had watched recently. Arya was watching a group of players perform a crude satire of the previous seasons of the show. They had Cersei and Joffrey and Tyrion all made to look like caricatures rather than the real people they are on the show. Tons of fart jokes, too. The dramatized version was of course pointing out their foibles and their vices and holding a mirror up to nature in an exaggerated comedic way. Arya was laughing right along with the portrayals of Lannisters, but when the character representing her father as a bumbling buffoon came out, her smile dropped and she was sullen and uncomfortable. The play was fine until it got too close to home.

Yes, Rachel, I get it. The joke's on me.

BTW, even your caricature looks intelligent.

If one were to draw parallels, the GoT episode showed early satire. Sometimes, we are too close to the subject to find the humor right away. Sometimes we never do. However, taking time to process and think through before reacting and attacking, is probably a good thing. I suppose the fact that I can take down every aspect of that silly meme that misrepresents what I consider my defining beliefs and social consciousness is largely irrelevant. I suppose I can see why someone who doesn't agree with me might point out those things they see as inconsistency or as they might see it, ironic contradictions in the liberal viewpoints. However, it's so ridiculous and completely misses the mark of pointing out the criticisms that it's not even good satire. Humor is best when it rings with truth. Since this meme doesn't really ring true, it's not that funny. Geez, if this is the way conservatives really see liberals, then we've got even a longer road to journey toward working together than I thought. What was the meme that so got me thinking and cleaning with a passion? I'm glad you asked.

No, really. That's it. I'm sure someone could satirize my reaction far better than this meme satirizes liberals.

Now, let's just acknowledge the fact that liberals are not against choice on any of these points. Liberals still believe in self-determination and a person's right to send a kid to a private school or to own a handgun or trade with reasonable countries or to select the right healthcare and energy and smoking (although really, why would you want to still?) and to decline membership in a union and light bulbs (WTF on that one actually) and plastic bags and shopping at Walmart and eating food that is bad for you or genetically modified in some way. 

Yes! So do I. 

However, when that choice means taking public funds away from public schools, no. That's not right and it undermines the point of public education especially since outcomes have yet to prove any of the school choice claims out there. What they do do is reinforce segregation. Guns? Have one; go for it! However, know that gun ownership in my state is associated with our outrageous suicide rate. Easier access means effective suicide methods. Who needs military grade weapons anyway? Liberals aren't for outlawing all guns, but sensible restrictions are absolutely important. Healthcare is a human right and having healthcare for everyone makes us a better society and it keeps the insurance companies honest. You don't want health insurance, don't buy it. However, realize that the more people who do reduce the costs everyone. Energy? Well if we're talking freedom of choice in energy then let's talk about energy companies who try and keep citizens from using solar energy for their home or windmills to power their home or collect rain water to get off the city water systems. But no. Utility companies don't like people being independent and reducing dependence on their product. Gotta keep that bottom line turning a profit. Smoking? Well, honestly. I quit that as have many people and I don't know too many people who miss going into a restaurant having to cough through the tobacco plumes in order to eat a meal or have a pint with their chums. Really? This is about as weak a point as light bulbs FFS. As for unions, well nobody forces you into a union. Workplaces vote on unions. And if you don't want to be in the union, don't! However, don't expect the benefits of the union without paying into it. Furthermore, can we all just recognize the good that unions have done? Eliminating child labor and improving safe working conditions and the weekend? No? Did you forget those? Then there are plastic bags. Well, I am still working on this. I do recycle all the bags that my husband brings home because he hasn't gotten int the habit of reusable bags the way I have. However, if people would also take a look at that enormous pile of floating plastic that is in the Pacific Ocean right now, maybe they'd change their tune. Maybe if they'd look inside the stomachs of sea creatures and see the death toll that our convenience is taking on the animals of the earth that we are supposed to be stewards for, maybe they'd change their tune. As an English major, I have to wonder who our Dickens will be. We need some strong literary figures to provide a narrative that points out the foibles of our consumption and greed. Do I shop at Walmart? Maybe twice a year. Our big camping trip once a year, yes. I can get all of our camping needs in one place. If we had a Target that had a grocery department, I'd gladly shop there. But we don't. I think Walmart represents what is worst in our consumer and labor practices. As for food: WTH? No one is saying to stop eating what you want. All we're saying is think before you eat. All we want is to hold the companies accountable since they have proven to put us at risk in the past. Saccharin anyone? Have any of these people seen the conditions in some large scale livestock yards? Have they looked at the process of how their food ends up in the grocery store? Some of the practices are appalling and unethical. But I suppose no one wants to look that closely at things. No one wants to admit the awful practices and effect humans have wrought on the creatures and the earth.

 

But ya know? Let's just reduce it to a catchy little cartoon that completely misrepresents the opposite viewpoints. 

Of course, one just has to wonder what would happen if the tables were turned. Conservatives are pro life until that baby is born and his/her mom needs food stamps to survive or that refugee needs shelter or that soldier has to go into combat to protect an industry like oil that is outdated and unsustainable. Conservatives are pro gun until that means granting a weapon to someone of Arabic descent. Even those with mental instability can now get guns, but someone with brown skin better not look sideways. Freedom of choice is great until you're a woman who needs birth control to manage heavy bleeding and your employer says that their freedom of religion is more important than your freedom to manage your health. Freedom of religion is for everyone until you're a Muslim who wants to open a Mosque. They're fiscally responsible until they want to build a wall to keep those pesky Mexicans out never mind the fact that it won't work!

You and me both, Snoopy.

But these oversimplify and divide the the participants. These arguments aren't funny and shouldn't be reduced to a meme. But this is where we are right now. I know what I know. They know what they know. Memes just don't cover it all. I have to hope that my friends who read them don't really think that about me just because I am a liberal. I have to try not to think in those terms about them. If anything, I can laugh at myself and my reaction to such a ridicules thing. Somehow though, we have to find a way through this without alienating and exacerbating the problems we already have. 

Here's hoping, Moose. 

The Fatigue of It All

This week has felt like one big waking dream. I wake up feeling like I need more sleep. Sleep and  then dread the moment I wake. I can't shake the awareness that no matter how many hours I sleep, it won't be enough to get me back on center. Welcome to the wonderful world of fatigue.

Goats know it's not just a matter of sleep.

It's tough to put into words just how much fatigue blows. It's waking up and thinking, "Shit! I have to wake up now? That couldn't possibly have been 7 hours. Surely my alarm clock is mistaken." Of course, it's fatigue, so your conversation with yourself is really more like, "What? Fuck. No *snrzzbabblesnork." Your thoughts are definitely not coherent. It's good that I'm the only human awake at first in the house. No actual dialogue required because I can't think clearly let alone formulate words into meaningful phrases. 

I'm sure these sea lions have deeper conversations.

Fatigue requires that you pull your ass out of bed even though everything else in your body fights for you to stay right where you are. You know you have to feed the cats. You know you have to make the coffee. You know you must do your yoga, your work out, your meditation, yet you don't know how you can possibly manage it all. It's simply overwhelming. Your morning routine is only beginning and you feel like it's the most arduous thing you've ever attempted. It's like facing Mount Everest with nothing but a stadium blanket and handful of fruit snacks. You are so completely unprepared you feel like it's not even possible to begin the day let alone muster the will to go to work. 

Indeed, poor owl: there's still 8 hours of work to get through.

Yup. Once you actually manage to dress yourself between your dry, unfocused eyes and fumbling, swollen hands, you have to then go out that door and drive to work. You know what all needs doing that day and you drive to work despite the helpless feeling that it'll be an eternity until the warmth of the bed envelops you again. You just hope that whatever the day throws at you, you will find some way to be alert, articulate, and accomplished. But you know there's a high likelihood that at least some of your to-do list will be moved to tomorrow's list. You haven't even begun, yet you know something won't be got to. Maybe many somethings. But there you are. Driving to work anyway.

Dude, I wish I had your energy and determination. Also, I admire the fashion choice.

Once you're at work, you settle in for the day. You feel somewhat disconnected and please, oh please don't let anyone have a crisis. Please don't ask me any questions I haven't already prepared an answer to. I couldn't possibly be expected to formulate lucid thinking for any thoughtful or insightful discourse.  Just don't even try.

Yup, that's about it, Dean. I knew you'd understand.

During that last half hour of work, your mind has jellified. You've given up trying to be productive. You know that in less than an hour, you will be home. You can shed your workplace veneer. That shield you need to get through the day even though you feel so completely fogged you can't believe no one notices. But they don't. You've gotten that good at faking it. Now though, you just want to take off that bra, put on your robe, and do something mindless like Netflix or kill demons in Diablo. Just don't make you be around people or talk or think or anything of any merit really. Just. Let. You. Be.

Nope. Move along. Nothing to see here. Just sleeping.

Once you reach the safety of home once again, you get comfy. Maybe you pull a beer from the fridge, maybe you make yourself some tea. Whatever beverage you choose, you breathe a mighty sigh that you've made it through another day. You rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher before you sit down because you know you won't be getting up once you finally crash on the sofa. You've already set your clothes out over the weekend so you wouldn't have to make such decisions during the week. Your spouse is bringing home groceries and is making dinner because that's what he does. He loves to cook even though he has his own fatigue battle to face. Thank the goddesses you don't have to stand and prep and cook. You can scroll Facebook or just close your eyes while you wait for dinner. Dinner means Netflix. Netflix means you're that much closer to bed.

What do you mean it's still light outside? Dammit!

It's early Sunday evening. Monday looms on the horizon. It starts all over again. Two days' rest has not been enough to recover. If only sleep were enough. I know it won't be though. I know I'll wake feeling like I've been through that proverbial wringer. On a scale of 1-10, I'm about a 6 and the work week hasn't even kicked in. 

Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the day. Maybe I'll have energy and enthusiasm and not just this sense of, "Please oh please. Just let me get through. I'll stop being jealous of our cats and their ability to sleep 20 hours instead of only 7 if I can just get through today." Maybe. 

Go to sleep, Moose. Tomorrow's another day; you don't know what it holds and that's ok. Rest now.