Cult of Meanness

Ever since I started on the Benlysta, I've been even more careful than usual about washing my hands. When you're on an immune suppressing medication, you take extra precautions. I wash with singing a refrain or two of "Happy Birthday" and I shake my hands free of the water a few times before taking one towel to dry them. I avoid touching anything in the bathroom after washing my hands. I use antimicrobial wipes in my classroom to clean desks and surfaces now. I do all these things to avoid a contagious infection like a cold or flu. However, sometimes the thing that is infecting people isn't a disease; it's an emotion.

That's right, Goats. Sometimes the emotion is gonna get your horns locked together.

I subscribe to the Big Think YouTube channel and their Facebook updates. I find their research and differing perspectives interesting from time to time. Today I saw one entitled "Did You Know That Meanness Is Contagious?" It was fascinating given the meanness that abounds lately. I'm sure you and the rest of the world are aware of how Montana's new congressman won the election even though on the eve of the election he grabbed a reporter, Ben Jacobs, from The Guardian by the throat, threw him to the ground, and began punching him in front of witnesses. Arrgh! Seriously? This man was running for office to represent me and other Montanans in Washington? Apparently he thinks that hooliganism is the way to get the job done. Reporters be damned. The most baffling part? The number of people who defended his actions. 

 I know, Pug. It's unreal that people think this is not conduct unbecoming a congressman.

I get why Gianforte won: A large number of ballots had already been mailed in and could not be changed. I am glad people called to check though. That's encouraging. However, some people defended Gianforte because that reporter interrupted a private interview, except he didn't. Jacobs thrust his phone in Gianforte's face and grabbed him. But, Jacobs didn't. The Fox reporters in the room fully denounced that account and maintained that Jacobs never showed any aggression. The door was open and the other reporters in the room hadn't finished setting up yet and had not started their interview. But hey! Let's blame the reporter and say that the victim was at fault, not the guy running for public office who will undoubtedly run into far more aggressive reporters in his time in Washington. It's called self-control and elected officials need to possess this skill, Mr. Gianforte. 

 It is funny, Dexter. You, a serial killer, have more self-control than this guy.

 According to the Big Think article, this is not unsurprising. Our society right now is experiencing what appears to be a resurgence in meanness. It is now OK to say what you think regardless of how mean it is. We have a president who has been accused of harassment and sexual assault. We have Southerners who can't let go of their Confederate idols even though their presence serves no other purpose than to legitimize and validate a treasonous force that believed enslaving other humans as a means of economic progress was ok. We have white nationalists receiving accolades and money from billionaires to support businesses, candidacy, and publications. One person who defended Gianforte for example, Laura Ingraham, went so far as to mock the reporter for not being like other Montana men who would've gotten up, dusted off, and then retaliated. She knows this from her ample time spent in Montana getting to know the men folk and studying their sociological patterns. Not really, totally made that up. Facetious me. Ingraham's argument seems predicated on the eye for an eye approach to conflict resolution. She also made fun of the reporter with connecting his calling the cops to a kid being bullied and informing an adult who can address the situation. WTH? 

Yeah, Captain. It's bizarre.

Another defender, the Christian activist called Dave Daubenmire, believes that Gianforte was in the right. He also believes that the Tangerine Shart was right to shove his way to the front of other world leaders. This meanness is contagious after all. If the people holding the highest of offices and responsibilities can be rude and physically aggressive, then clearly the rest of the population would, too. This mislabeled Christian activist actually thinks that we need more like these two truculent torchbearers so that we can have more aggressive Christians. His warped view is that these two were being manly men and were an example from Gad for how all men should behave. This guy's show is called "Pass the Salt Live" apparently. 

It's hard to take in, Buddy. It is hard to fathom. Go drink some syrup. You'll feel better.

Granted, it's not just the extreme right wingers who are being wingnuts. Some of the unidentified political party poopers are getting out, too. I read about how someone left a sign on the lawn of a republican representative, Jeff Fortenberry, that said, "Traitors put party above country Do the right thing for once, shithead" (Christina Marcos, The Hill, May 21, 2017). The guy's 10 year old daughter found that. While Fortenberry did not track down this protester and show that person how A Nebraskan handles business, he did remark about civil discourse being the solution to conflicts. Whew! At least one politician knows how to behave. Other meanness targeted at republican representatives included vandalism death threats. 

That's right, Dude. Don't abide that bullshit.

The meanness also leads to tragedy. This weekend three men who attempted to stand up to the meanness of Jeremy Christian (no really, that's his last name) who went on a tirade about Muslims when he saw two young women on the train. One of them was wearing a hijab. Taliesin Myrrdin Namkai Meche and Rick Best died standing up to meanness. Micah David-Cole Fletcher came near to death when the knife passed within millimeters of his jugular. These three men possessed the strength and courage and principles to recognize and reject meanness. Jeremy Christian subscribed to the philosophy of Ingraham and Daubenmire and Gianforte and President Peach. The contagion of meanness led directly to his assault on two young women and his murder of two men and attempted murder of a third. Christian went further than yard signs or leaving death threat messages. He actually ended the lives of two people. 

At least you feel shame, Dug. I'm not so sure about some of these other folks.

I've been mean in my time. I've been rude. I've yelled, screamed, shamed, and swore. However, I've not thrown my fists in anger (except that one time when I was 5 when I punched my sister in the nose). I've never picked up a weapon to attack or to make my point. I've learned not to do these things. Violence begets violence. Human emotion is contagious. If someone is mean, we react with meanness. If our leaders are mean, it's a conduit to the contagion for the masses. Soap and water cannot wash away the infection of meanness. May the Meches, Bests, and Fletchers be the vaccination our country so desperately needs. 

Sleep well, little Moose. Tomorrow we have another chance to make other choices. Tomorrow we have another opportunity to reject meanness.

Armchair Paganism

Today was finally a mostly sunny and mild spring day. No sudden thunderstorm or gasp! snowstrom. I finally had a wee bit of energy too, so I went and cleaned out the flower/herb garden. I usually spend some of my Sunday contemplating things of a spiritual nature, and digging in the dirt seemed like a perfectly Pagan way of considering what's plaguing my noggin.

That's right, Goat. Garden means fresh produce. Garden good.

I read an article "I'm an Armchair Pagan" by The Pagan Veil at Hearth Witch Down Under. I think I've been a huge armchair Pagan lately. OK, for like a few years. I do a ritual when I feel like it and I don't feel any guilt about skipping a full ritual in favor of a small remembrance or brief meditation. I suppose that's being an armchair Pagan. I don't much feel called to practice anything formal any longer. I just can't get too worked about it on a regular basis. This author truly seemed to feel as though something was lacking, though. She felt the need for more ritual and more connection. I don't. Being outside and weeding, and clearing mulch, and watching ladybugs, and chilling with our cats, and planting some tulips our neighbor gave us was enough Pagan points I think. I probably signed my fatigue warrant for the week, but the herb/flower garden looks beautiful.

Just you and me tomorrow, Zorak.

Another article I read about spiritual paths was entitled "Five Reasons You Can't Find the Right Spiritual Path" by John Beckett over at Under the Ancient Oaks. I seem to be a bit a like Siddhartha (Hesse), always searching for my path; exploring the ideas of spirituality has been an ongoing interest of mine. This article spoke to me for that reason especially given my recent discomfort with being called a witch or "baby" witch as some refer to my ilk. I seriously don't need the judgy thanks. Anyway, the points were: You don't know your core values, you're running from something, you expect perfection, you're looking for confirmation, and you aren't sticking with something long enough to see if it works. *sigh* In my case, I don't think any of those are true. If anything, I've solidified my core values over the last 20 years. This White House administration has helped set some things in stone as well. I'm not running. Rejecting, yes. Totally rejecting some things. Perfection? Ha! Nope. Not my thing. Nothing is ever perfect, so why should spirituality be any different? As for confirmation, well that's a bit of a puzzler. I don't think I expect the nature spirits or the Lord an Lady to come present themselves over tea. I did like this excerpt though:

This is really good. Wait for it, Raccoon. Wait for it.

Look within yourself.  Does your spiritual practice inspire you to live in harmony with other people and the rest of Nature?  Is it a source of encouragement instead of a source of fear?  Does it challenge you to live up to your values instead of doing what’s easy?  If it does, that’s all the confirmation you need. 

Totally down with that right, Gabriel?

The last point about not sticking with something is totally not applicable. I think I've given every path I've journeyed down plenty of consideration and participation. I just think armchair Pagan is as close as I can get to my Pagan leanings any longer. As a result, I took the spiritual path quiz on Patheos again. I took it long ago--far before I started studying Wicca and Paganism. I knew my views had changed since then, but how much I was not prepared for. Last time, it said a sect of Buddhism. I had to disagree at the time since the sect didn't believe in abortion and I totally did. My second highest suggestion was Pagan. Go figure. Now though, I got Secular Humanist. Not a shocker at all. 

OK, Owl, Take it down a notch. I sense your facetiousness from across the room.

Why am I so interested in defining this part of my life? I dunno. It's such a huge part of other people's lives I suppose. My family are staunch Catholics. I have friends who are Lutheran and Unitarian among others. Some are rigid, some are loosey-goosey. Most would think not attending church on Christmas and Easter is unthinkable. Others just don't care. It's a big issue in our culture though. For some, it drives their every decision. For some, they think we should all play by the same spiritual playbook. My favorites though are the ones who think they're open-minded until you mention being a Pagan. Then they furrow their brow and look at you oddly. 

Yes! Like that, Doctor. Exactly.

Last week, I had a guest in my class to teach my students how to write slam poetry. He started by performing two pieces. One of which began with the line "I don't believe in God." Talk about getting people's attention. Of course, the rest of his poem detailed what he does believe in and I found it powerful. I did have two students express concern about it though. One said that having come from a very religious upbringing that comment made him uncomfortable. Another student agreed. We agreed that it effectively got their attention, but they felt it colored their view of him. I encouraged them to see it from the perspective of art: We don't always agree with the image or the words, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be out there. We discussed how an artist never knows how an audience or viewer might respond to their piece, but with slam poetry it is all about as the guest said, speaking your personal truth. I think knowing where my truth lays makes it easier for me to guide and navigate conversations like this one. My spirituality is personal and meaningful in my laid back methods. I know what I believe and I don't feel offended or threatened when others view things differently. I have no overwhelming need to convert anyone. I do wish more people were like that so we didn't have so much conflict over who's right and who's wrong; who's going to heaven and who's going to hell; who gets to practice their religion and who gets banned because of their religion. Letting go and figuring out things for myself was the best choice I ever made.

Good job, Moose. You go down the road you choose.

Slug Life

Yesterday I awoke bursting with energy. I got up, made coffee, cleaned the kitchen, and started a host of chores that had been neglected for weeks. I felt really good. I made a grocery list and had plans to start work on a crafty project I had been delaying. It was glorious. Then it hit. The fatigue rammed into me and commanded that I sit down. My head swam with the fog so I couldn't concentrate and man I needed a nap. Shit! Didn't even make it to noon on my energy reserves. You see, if you've been wondering why I haven't been posting consistently (you probably haven't) it is because lupus has been kicking my ass lately.

 I know, Goat. All that magnificent energy wasted on goddamn chores. 

I wrote previously about starting Benlysta. The irony here is that Benlysta is supposed to ease fatigue. For me though, this adjustment period has been nothing but overwhelming fatigue. They tell me this won't last. Of course, I had the added bonus of a cold last week. Thanks immune-suppressing drugs. You rock!

Even Kramer says so; therefore, it must be true.

Part of what makes fatigue like this so vexing is all the things I've had to cancel. Fatigue does that; makes you cancel plans. I have missed two weeks of  belly dance class. I had to bow out of one night of the talent show at school because I just couldn't do one more night. My head was fogged, my energy was tanked, and my muscles were trembling. Not so much with the performing for sure! I had to decline an invitation to lunch with a grade school chum who was in town for the afternoon. Thankfully, she's a doctor so she knows what lupus can do. I had to stay home instead of hanging out at a belly dance festival over the weekend. I've missed 4 days of school now in the last two weeks. It's been grand.

That's right Kelly Anne: I just gave alternative facts. At least my alternative facts don't have international ramifications. 

(Idiot)

This recent bout of autoimmune bullshit has also made it clear just how much I really need to change my eating habits back to the low carb avoid the grains eat the veggies plan I had been on. Of course, when you feel like crap and your husband also has autoimmune disorders, some nights neither of you can work that hard at cooking. So you order in, which around here is very limited: sub sandwiches, pizza, or Chinese. All of which are loaded with bad stuff. *sigh* 

OK screaming celery stick. I'm working on it.

I have spent a lot of time on the sofa though. I've binged through season 3 of Salem and I'm 2/3 through season 10 of Bones. When the lupus is in charge, reading is out of the question. I can't comprehend the words and that's frustrating. I'm also too tired to concentrate on anything that demanding, so Netflix is my only out...except for Diablo. My witch doctor is through to the torment levels now. She can just waltz into a crap ton of bad guys and hit the haunt or the locust swarm and wait until they all die. It's ridiculously easy. 

For someone who runs around with so much flesh unprotected, she's got amazing powers of hit recovery.

Unfortunately, all this extra time also means I have a chance to surf the headlines in my newsfeed about our current administration. During those precious moments of lucidity, I have read a few articles detailing how Sally Yates testified so professionally and how poor James Comey was unceremoniously dismissed (Seriously? He learned about it on a news banner as he was giving a speech? Chicken shit tangerine shart!). I'm also eager to learn of the next big step in healthcare reform since lupus is one of those pesky preexisting conditions. I honestly don't know anyone who doesn't have a stupid preexisting condition. I can't imagine that the upper 1% don't have their fair share either, but of course they have the means to handle the financial consequences without the subsidies or Medicaid. Why can't we just do the single payer plan? Why can't we give Medicaid to all? It'd be so much easier. After all, the Idiot in the White House even praised Australia's health care plan. Honestly, the man is such a cocktool!

 I know, Lisa. I do the same damn thing every time I read a headline.

Alas! Here I sit on  the same sofa I've been riding since Thursday. I have to go to work tomorrow. Hopefully I won't run out of steam by noon. I hate having jelly for brains. When you're a teacher, that's fairly prohibitive to the job. I have less than a month of school. My next treatment is the day after school is out. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this dammit!

I know, Moose. Pace myself. I know.