Cynical Me

It's summer. I have a lot more time to think, which means my thoughts are a bit all over and trying to settle on one topic for a post is almost impossible. Consequently, I shall share the big items that have been swirling around the attic like the accumulated cat fur balls that drift across my hardwood floors.

My dear, Goat. I bet you could stir up some fine fur balls, too.

On the migraine front came a glorious thing: I'm actually even on pain days versus non-pain days for the last 90 days. I haven't been even since I started using my migraine app, which means that for the last year, my headaches have outnumbered my non-migraine days; often it was a 50-40 or worse ratio. Until now. It gets even better when I look just at the last 30 days. I have 10 attack days and 20 no attack days. That's amazing to me. It's hard to say if it's the Botox or if it's not being at work for the last month. I'm inclined to think it's the no work thing since the first 6 months on Botox did not yield such a dramatic decrease in headache days. I remain cynical about Botox's off-brand use of this poison and I believe I likely will suffer greatly when I return to school, but for now I will enjoy it.

Oh thanks, NPH! But you're cleaning up the confetti strips.

This country is a mess. I don't know how else to put it. We have an inept, ego-maniacal charlatan of a president who is protected and counseled by intelligent, unscrupulous people who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves and the people who give them money. What the fuck are you supposed to do about that? I don't know that much of anything I do will change things as they are, but I think I still have to try. I can fax, call, and show up to protests and hope that my voice along with all the others will get through to the idgits. Those who will listen, will. Those who don't give a damn, won't. But when the dust settles, I want to know that I did something. That I took a stand against this administration's policies. The Asshat in Chief is going to be in my city for a rally this week. I will be out of town, but a group of like-minded individuals and I have obtained tickets to the rally and plan on not showing up. We did this when he showed up to Billings prior to the election. I enjoy this plan even though he likely will tell the masses a lie about how huge his audience was. We'll know it's a lie. Again. As cynical as I am about those in power right now, I find grace in being able to resist because it is an American right that I value.

I'm not above name-calling when it comes to the bastards either.

I really want to pull back even more from my online and social media participation. I've written before about how much I've pulled back already. I enjoyed not being near the social media ruckus while camping last week. It pleases me to be disconnected. I have all my news organization apps on my phone so I can keep up to date on the true news of the day. Two dear friends of mine are coming for a visit and we have a cabin out in the boonies. One of them has had almost no online presence for the last 6 months and the other is on the social media almost non-stop, but trying to unplug, too. This cabin lacks wifi. She may lose her mind and I will be uninformed, but hopefully we'll all get some peace along the way Despite my knowing I need to step back, I still post articles I think are important or that people should read during my allotted time on social media. What can I say? I'm a teacher. I can put information out there in front of others, but if they don't read it, so be it. Some might see it and read it despite the noise that clogs newsfeeds. I don't expect that what I post makes a difference to anyone other than me. A person wiser than me observed that "[My] work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. [My] job is to simply do [my] work... Sacredly, secretly, and silently...and those with 'eyes to see and ears to hear' will respond." Even cynical ol' me sees the good purpose in that.

Perhaps. But let me have this one, Kid.

And that's how things stand in my brain right now. I suppose that makes this current state of being hopefully cynical, or cynically hopeful. I don't know which is better or closer to the reality. I do know that I am looking forward to five days with my two oldest friends in a cabin without wifi. 

Maybe we'll see each other, Moose.