Sunday, September 30, 2018

Female Voices

Have you ever read Sojourner Truth's compelling piece "Ain't I a Woman"? You should. It's powerful. It's one that I returned to in my ponderings over The Women's March that followed the 2016 election. She opines: 

"If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them."


 What she said in 1851 holds just as many truths as it did then. I'd like to think we'd come a long way since her statements in 1851, but I know we haven't. Not in race and not in gender. 
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Have you ever read Elizabeth Cady Stanton's "Seneca Falls Keynote Address"? She asserts:

"The wife is degraded, made the mere creature of caprice, and the foolish son is heaviness to his heart. Truly are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children to the third and fourth generation. God, in His wisdom, has so linked the whole human family together that any violence done at one end of the chain is felt throughout its length..."

She was arguing for the right to vote and hold property, of course. But her point about the "sins of the fathers being visited upon" the future generations holds just as much truth today as it did in 1848. Just not regarding suffrage. 
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Have you ever read the transcript from Anita Hill's "Testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee"? I was still in high school at the time and as such I was wrapped up in my own little world of school events, teenage angst, and college plans. I vaguely recall parts of the hearings on the news and sound bites on the radio. I just read the whole thing. After recounting the numerous times he did not accept her noes, he did this:

"Finally he made a comment that I will vividly remember. He said that if I ever told anyone of his behavior that it would ruin his career. This was not an apology, nor was it an explanation. That was his last remark about the possibility of our going out or reference to his behavior."

Notice that he didn't say anything about how his inappropriate behavior affected her. He doesn't acknowledge that he repeatedly made her endure humiliating and sexually explicit conversations. However, the fact that he does reference that his behavior "would ruin his career," he exposes his character and discloses that he knows what he did was wrong. But only because of how it will impact him. She should keep her mouth shut because of how it will impact him. That was 1991.
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Have you listened or read Christine Blasy Ford's recent testimony? It's difficult not to draw parallels to Anita Hill. The fear though goes much deeper. She stated:

"I believed he was going to rape me. I tried to yell for help. When I did, Brett put his hand over my mouth to stop me from screaming. This was what terrified me the most, and has had the most lasting impact on my life. It was hard for me to breathe, and I thought that Brett was accidentally going to kill me."

Rape. Terrified. Kill. Every woman's nightmare. Any one of us could be her. Countless of us have been. Numerous of us have made the same choice to remain silent (understandably so). Too few have made the choice to speak up (also, understandably so) .
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Too few have felt the courage to confront racism, sexism, harassment, and assault as these women have. Women ought to work together. The violence from one end is indeed felt at the other end. The trauma on us should be the focus; not the consequence for the perpetrators. Our bodies, our minds, and our lives are ours. They belong to us. They've belonged to us all along. 

Voices. Our voices. We need to use them. We need to use them until they're heard. Until they're believed.









Sunday, September 23, 2018

Second Harvest...

...unless you are my broccoli in which case it is fourth harvest for you. Mabon: one of my favorites of the year. I love all things fall, so now that it's officially here I am thrilled. Bring on all the lovely Mabon trimmings I say.
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I prefer autumn instead of fall too, Goat.

We went to the grocery store to start things off. We got some autumn-y things like cider. We're prepping some of our favorite autumn meals like pork chops and carmelized onion and cabbage or stuffed acorn squash. We had butternut squash soup with pastrami sandwiches. Yummy comfort food season has begun.
YouTube Mr. Sunday Movies
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Right there with ya, Thor.

In the afternoon, we went for a short walk. It was still warm enough outside that a coat wasn't necessary. I felt a crispness in the air and caught the earthy scent that is distinctly autumn. The sun was sitting lower in the sky to let you know it was autumn. The trees in the neighborhood were gorgeous, too. The maples all had the variety of colors on the leaves all the way from green to plum red. Lovely.
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Totally want to join you there, Hedgehog.

With the help of my husband, I put up my Halloween town. It's a ritual I engage in every Mabon. It's a major undertaking, so I like having it up from Mabon through Samhain. It's getting quite expansive mind you. I broke down and bought a large folding table for it and I still needed the smaller dining table for it all to fit and not be overly crowded. I will need another power strip, too. My gracious husband repaired some of the broken pieces and even got one up and running again.It hasn't run for over a decade.
kochstrasse
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My husband gets all the applause.

The lighting of the Halloween village is always followed by the annual viewing of Nightmare Before Christmas. It's one of those films that I can say almost every line as we watch it. We both have our favorite lines and my husband would really like to be Dr. Finkelstein. I think Shock would be fun.
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And this is what I say every time there's a rabbit in our yard.

Today I spent some time in the garden and in the kitchen. I made some chocolate zucchini bread/cake. I'm sending a loaf to our nephew who is a freshman in college. I also made some zucchini pancakes. The rest of the zucchini is drying a bit and shall be frozen for future use. Probably in more bread/cake because that stuff is friggin' delicious. I left one zucchini out though as we have zoodle and meatballs this week.
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This has nothing to do with food. 
It's solely for the cuteness.

From the garden I pulled more broccoli, a cauliflower, some sweet onions, romas, cherry tomatoes, and the cutest, tiniest jalapenos you've ever seen. I took about 10 acorn squash out and some Anaheim peppers, too. The Hubbards shall stay for now as they are enormous and I just don't know where to put them. I'm not sure what happened to all the butternuts though. I counted about two dozen at Lammas, but now there were only three that I could locate. I think some of our furry visitors have developed a liking for unripened butternuts.
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Yeah. I'm looking at you, Deer. 
I saw your droppings in the butternuts patch.

As the days get shorter and the darkness grows, I am eager and excited for the transition to continue on to Samhain. I love the warm socks, the comfy sweaters, the warm teas, and the candles to light the house in the evenings. I love the sunsets, the crunch of leaves, and the smell of woodburning stoves and firepits in the backyards. This is quite simply my favorite time of the year.
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Hope to see you in Yellowstone this autumn, Moose.


Sunday, September 9, 2018

Protest to the Most-est

It's Sunday afternoon. I have made breakfast and lunch today. I have done a load of laundry and two loads of dishes. I have made coconut flour tortillas for the week and a few loaves of chocolate zucchini bread. It's been productive and blissfully headache free. My head is still awash with activity though. I've been pondering the nature and efficacy of protest today.
commons.wikimedia.org
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Whoa! Goat protest inaction!

I think like many things in life protesting lives on a spectrum. Some is passive and some is active. I protest businesses by not purchasing items from them. For example, I stopped ordering Domino's Pizza years ago. Of course, now I don't eat it because it's awful by comparison, but at the time they donated money to right to life organizations. I didn't want any part of that. Now, I protest things like Chik Fil A, which is easy since there isn't one within driving distance. I protest Hobby Lobby because of their religious stance and anti-female autonomy. I simply do not patronize their businesses. These are small personal protests on my part. Other folks take their protest to another more visible level.
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Mmmm. Tacos...

In my town, every year there are Right to Life protesters outside of Planned Parenthood. They are visible, they are protected by free speech, and they are obnoxious. Their posters are disgusting. I would no more hold up a severed and gangrenous limb than hold up a picture of an aborted fetus simply because my right to protest does not include forcing other people including minors to witness gore. Their signs remove the right of the public to choose whether or not to witness maimed and bloody tissues. They yell and shame people who go in for appointments even though our clinic doesn't provide abortions. They are loud and visible.
Nikelodean
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Yeah, that's how I feel when I see them on the street.

Then there are those who take their visibility to a higher level. This could include the Neo-Nazis who would really like us to believe that it's ok for them to protest in public because of free speech. I do not believe this. I feel it is incumbent on all of us who believe in a free society to shut down activity like Neo-Nazis. However, they apparently can be granted permits to wave their tiki torches and Confederate flags. Because of this, opposition also appears and pushes back. These protests receive national coverage and are truly a vital part of our society determining which direction it believes best represents our  values. If you believe the Neo-Nazi, racist Confederate sympathizers represent our values, then you are on the wrong side of this argument and of history.
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You tell 'em, Jed!

Of course, then there is Colin Kaepernick. He kneeled in silent protest to draw the nation into a conversation on racial injustice. He has since then donated his money over and over again. He has been quiet as the national discussion he started unfolded and mutated into some sort of discussion about disrespecting the flag and the nation. WTF, dude? Ok, so he has stood by his position that his kneeling was due to racial issues especially the killing of black men by cops, but then white people shifted the conversation to be about them instead. They say that he's paid to do a job, so he should just do it and not get political. Hmm, well after kneeling, he got up and did his contracted job of playing a game for everyone's entertainment. He had a national platform and he used a short time before the game to make a statement and get the attention of (white) Americans in the most effective way he knew how. And oh! how effective it was. So effective that the conversation continues, although it seems more about the white reaction than the racial injustices now. Then there's Nike.
Nike
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It's ok for a man of color to spin like he just doesn't care. 
Here we are now. Just entertain us dammit!

Ha! I do so love this development. Nike has long held up athletes of many races in its advertisements. However, they chose Kaepernick for their anniversary Just Do It campaign. I think this is brilliant. It gives the slogan a whole new dimension. Of course, there was backlash. People started protesting by burning Nike gear. My first thought when I heard about the burning of stuff was why are you burning it? People can use that shirt or those shoes. Just get rid of it and don't buy any more. This position has of course occurred to many and been plastered around social media. Bear in mind that they are burning gear over Kaepernick's advertisement, but did they burn a damn thing decades ago when Nike was making use of sweatshops? I was in college then and I don't recall that being an issue on the front page. Boycotts and picketing yes. Passions so high that they burned stuff? I don't recall that. Of course, the public is fickle. The outrage waned. I wonder if it will again. The increase in profits for the company would indicate that perhaps Nike has gotten this topic right in the public view.
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Because it's all about the money, right Tony?

But people like my in-laws and my uncles will continue to be outraged with the original kneeling and now the Nike ad. My uncles didn't watch the NFL at all last season, so I wonder if they will this season now that there's a stipulation that if a player wants to protest, he stay in the locker room. Take away their platform ya know. Shift the controversy to nationalism instead so you don't have to acknowledge systemic racism in America. Gods forbid that it interrupt your life in anyway to acknowledge that racial injustice exists. The very presence of Neo-Nazis feeling emboldened to walk the streets openly should be a sign that perhaps things are out of joint. Yet, don't you dare make me think about race when I want to watch a bunch of largely people of color bash each others' heads in for millions of dollars on a Sunday afternoon. It's time to relax and you're insistence about racial issues is harshing my beer buzz.
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Oh right. It's all about money and beer.

I can't help thinking of the idea that the most effective protest is that which interrupts the status quo. My personal protest over Hobby Lobby does not matter in the long run. The Right to Lifers interrupt for a time, but Planned Parenthood still serves women nationwide. The ugly and loud protests here and elsewhere don't stop the Planned Parenthood mission. Neo-nazis are getting shut down by people who do things like have dogs poop on the grounds where Neo-Nazi rallies are planned. Hopefully they will continue to get shut down. And just like those anti-abortion folks, burning shoes doesn't do much except to make the protesters feel like they're doing something.
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That's what I see. Just because it has no value to you 
doesn't mean it would be valuable to someone who doesn't have it. 
Someone whose need is worth more than your protest.

Kaepernick though, his protest is different. His issue is a matter for the nation at large to recognize that race relations are not equal and not over. Not yet.  His protest did interrupt the status quo. His quiet and decent and dignified manner since then has given more credence to his cause than the people who try to ignore him and his message. I'm not an athlete so I have no real need of Nike gear in the first place, but I applaud their ad campaign. (My runners are Nike come to think of it.) Nike seems to be moving in a direction of honor and respect. I hope it's not just capitalizing on the controversy and that they've also made all the changes in their exploitative practices that they said they would all those years ago.
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 I sense your skepticism, Roo.

For now I will wear my runners, which are black and white mind you. I'll wear them without yelling through a megaphone about it. I will wear them without drawing focus to them. I will wear them because they are comfortable, not because they are a political statement or a statement on race relations. I have the luxury of this choice. I have the privilege of this choice. May I remember the cause and protest that started it all. I will wear my runners with a difference.
National Park Service
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Keep the conversation going my moosely friends.

Sunday, September 2, 2018

The Wallows

I got up this morning and started on the day. I cleaned the kitchen while my coffee brewed. I did my strength training. I made some zucchini soup and chocolate zucchini bread (I used  coconut flour and honey. I think the honey led to it being more of a pudding). I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to wake up without a headache. First morning in the last 6 days. Really. I made it through one day of the first week of school without pain. One.
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It was a bit like being stuck in a stall, Goat.

I wanted so bad to get going this morning to prove to myself all the things that I can do when I feel well. I can keep the house tidy, and I can make tasty foods from our garden. I can take a shower without collapsing on the bottom of the tub with water washing over me. I can do my exercises without the pain accelerating from a 2 to an 8. I had to. I had to do the things. I had to.
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 I am with you, Dowager. 

I had to because I needed to distract myself from the thing I can't right now. I can't participate in a dance gig in two weeks. I had to admit to myself and to my teacher that I can't do it. Not now. Honestly, I don't know when I will again. 
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Indeed, Matthew. How perfectly understated. Quite.

I can't practice and I really need to.
I can't guarantee that I will be well for the performance.
I can't do another shitty performance like I have been.
I can't accept that my joyful dance is slipping away.
I can't get it back no matter how hard I try to run interference.
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Ordinarily that would be true, Isobel. I'd love to be wrong on this.

I fucking hate my body right now. I want a good old-fashioned ugly cry. I want to wail and kick and scream.

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You and me, Anna. You and me both.

Welcome to The Wallows. This is a place I don't enjoy. I'm not fond of feeling sorry for myself. I'm not fond of admitting when I can't do something. The more I don't do things, I fear I won't get them back. The more I try to get them back, the worse I feel physically. In The Wallows it is isolated, dark, and lonely. I fucking hate The Wallows.
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I don't think I will, Lady Mary. As if you never spent time in The Wallows.

If you're thinking "Then change it!" Kindly fuck off. If you're thinking "If you just focus on something else, you'll feel better," you can fuck off, too. If you're thinking "Just be grateful for today" fuck you. If you're trying to fix it by any number of solutions that worked for such and thus friend or relative, fucking keep it to yourself. I'm in The Wallows and none of that will serve to do anything other than piss me off. So don't fucking do it.
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Precisely, Mr. Barrow.

I'm hurting. I'm grieving. I'm afraid. I'm in The Wallows.
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I don't know why I chose Downton Abbey GIFs, Moose. Just go with it, 'k?