Apparently today is International Forgiveness Day. Did you know that? If not for the Yogi of Facebook, I would be clueless on this. However, I must admit that I have been ruminating on the idea of forgiveness lately. Maybe it's all the Borgia my husband and I watched last week. All that sex and violence in the Vatican needing some serious atonement ya know? Whatever brought it into my mind, it has been knocking around for a while.
I am in awe of people who find the capacity to forgive egregious sins. Mavvy Stoddard for example. This woman stood at the trial of the man we know as the bald guy with the crazy eyes who shot Gabby Giffords, and she forgave him. You see, he also shot and killed Mavvy Stoddard's husband. Despite this, Mavvy said, "I forgive you." Somehow even though this man took her husband's life, Mavvy found it within her heart to forgive. I don't know if I could voice a forgiveness of my husband's murderer just months afterward. I'd like to think I could eventually, but forgiveness takes time. I'm not sure less than a year would get me there. Forgiveness has no timetable or deadline. I think the point about not letting others recreate the world in an ugly, dark, and terrifying way that reflects their twisted and vengeful viewpoint, probably is the concept to embrace. It's that don't-let-the-bastards-grind-you-down concept. I find Mavvy's capacity for forgiveness remarkable, encouraging, and inspiring. Her forgiveness is more powerful to me because unlike Pope John Paul or even Ronald Regan who both forgave their would be assassins, Mavvy is just a woman. She's not the leader of the world's faithful Catholics and she is not the leader of the free world. While John Paul and Ronnie set a remarkable example, as leaders they were under a bit of obligation to walk the walk ya know? For the two of them though, it is their faith that led them to their understanding of forgiveness. They saw divine providence in their survival, whereas Mavvy's husband did not survive. She had to make sense of the loss as well as the conflict of knowing who was responsible for the murder without seeking divine intervention as encouragement, and she still came to the conclusion that forgiveness was more important. That leaves me speechless.
Whether it was her faith that brought her that understanding is irrelevant. She got there. That's what is important.
The alternative I believe is devastating to a person's well being and vitality. Harboring hateful thoughts about someone or something does nothing but churn your insides against you. I think forgiveness takes time and reflection. I think it is necessary. Without forgiveness, I envision a life of dystopic porportions. Happiness requires the capacity to forgive.
I also think forgiveness does not require forgetting. Just because I forgive someone does not mean I have to let him or her back into my life. I don't have to be chums with the guy stole all my stuff out of my car one Christmas. I can forgive that person without inviting him over for dinner. I can even forgive the guy who took a six year old's hand and put it down his pants to get a handjob, but that doesn't necessitate any more contact than that. I think forgiveness can have limits.
I examine my forgivness list sometimes. If I catch myself in a grumpy ass spiral, I stop to try and figure it out. Oddly, I forgive others much more readily than I forgive myself. I am not a mass murderer or would be assassin mind you, but if I hurt someone with my words or if I feel like I have harmed someone, I have a hard time forgiving my transgression. Even apologizing or seeking forgiveness for myself, does not always alleviate the burden. Finding that way to forgiveness is just as vital for self-forgiveness as it is for others. Anyway, if you've got any forgiveness to give, today's the appointed day for all the world to release and move on.
May you always find your way to forgiveness.
Remember:
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