Seriously, this is me when that happens. It is one of the most challenging comments to endure. I actually find it easier to deal with polarizing political comments than to deal with "Praise Jesus" comments in my newsfeed.
To be clear, I believe in being kind and empathetic. I believe in graciously accepting another person's honest expression of support. I understand that when someone says, "We're praying for you" that they have absolutely no other way to help or support you, so they say that. There's no other comfort they can provide, and since they find comfort in the prayers, they don't see why I shouldn't also take comfort.
But I don't.
In fact it rankles me to no end! I see messages like this in my newsfeed and I audibly express my annoyance by forcing out air in a short burst not unlike a scoff or snort.
No. In fact I haven't. God's not the one who's been keeping me alive. Me. I did that. I'm quite adept at it actually.
More recently, I received a card after my neck surgery from a devout relative for the first time since I got married, I think. In it, he said they had all been praying for me and wished me well. Another time, a young man from a family that we've grown to be friends with said they'd been praying for me every night during my recovery. I'm sure they have and I graciously nodded and said, "Thank you." However, in my head thought, "Why? What's the point?"
I really don't want to be snarky because I know they mean well, but damn! I struggle with the caustic voice in my head that thinks like this meme.
I know prayer works a lot like meditation does. People in deep prayer often experience shifts in time or consciousness, therefore it has a calming and sometimes even healing effect in so far as they experience the ability to better cope with pain and stress; they interpret the shift in consciousness as evidence of divinity. Brain research says otherwise, but it's not for me to drag the faithful into my understanding.
For the faithful, prayer makes someone feel like they're actively participating in a situation to make it better...not unlike spell work in paganism, which is probably why I don't get into spells so much. Again, it seems like a "What's the point?" kind of situation. This information from Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, has some interesting thoughts on the brain and the divine.
I seem to have gone off point for a bit there. Back on target. Negative reaction to people's penchant for prayer or their drawing attention to how wonderful their faith is over real action is one area I truly do struggle with. I don't know why it feels like lemon juice on a papercut, but it does. It feels like, well if that's all you've got, fine for you, but I wish you'd volunteer at a nursing home, donate to a research foundation, or write a thank you note to my medical team instead. Those all have way more purpose and function than prayer or faith to me. Of course, how one expresses one's faith is not mine to dictate.
I prefer to go barefoot anyway.
Sometimes I think my repulsion has to do with all the many strings that are attached to having faith. I've never been able to parse out my faith from the larger knotted entity of religion. Tug gently at one of those strings and the whole thing falls apart. Rights for women? Tug and it unravels to show you patriarchy alive and well. LGBTQ rights? Tug and you get a pile of nothing but useless string for a cat to play with while a host of many humans continue to be condemned in the abominable concept of 'love the sinners, hate the sin". Helping the homeless? Tug and you essentially have a situation where the homeless can have food and shelter at the expense of listening to prosthelytizing hooey. Care for victims of persecution around the world? Sure, but if you got pregnant by those 5 rapists who attacked your refuge camp, you gotta have that baby in your womb.
I mean it. Fuck religion if it means I or anyone else has to trade dignity and rights for the possibility of salvation in another life. Fuck. Off.
I guess, for me I'd rather people just not pray for me, or if they do, don't tell me about it. I'm fairly good and putting on the mask: smiling and nodding gratefully to accept their offering amicably. I believe that for some, prayer is the most powerful thing they can offer to comfort another person. For that reason, I will continue to manage my frustration by all the means at my disposal. For now, all I can do is take a little advice from Mrs. Dashwood:
Fuck off doesn't qualify as appropriate, right?
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