Dreamtime Understanding

Some time ago, I had a dream wherein I was pregnant. This was only the second such dream I've endured to my recollection. I've never truly ever wanted to be pregnant mind you. It's just not something I ever felt compelled or drawn to be. To be pregnant in the dream seemed odd to my lucid dreamer self. I kept asking why the hell this was the topic of my dream. Surely my subconscious had bigger fish to fry in its freed state than this topic that I thought I had reconciled.

That'd be a big, neon sign of NOPE, good sista.

As the dream progressed, people kept doing all those things people do to pregnant women like asking the due date, the gender, the oh you look radiant and glowing kind of comments. I felt hugely uncomfortable. Every. Time. My lucid self wanted to tell them to shut up. I wanted them to stop asking to touch my belly or to suggest names or methods or toys. I wanted them to leave me the fuck alone about it already because I was perfectly able to be their friend or have a conversation before I was pregnant, so why couldn't we talk about those same old things? Why had everything changed and become to baby-centric? In the dreams, I could only think of one thing: stop telling me how grand it will be because I don't want it.

Seriously, how do pregnant women put up with that shit? This was my lucid dream and I wanted to pound the snot out of people.

That's right. I concluded that this whole dream served to help me come to understand that indeed, I would have an abortion should I ever become pregnant. I had always supported a woman's right to choose. Even in middle and high school when my friends were mainly pro-life and my family definitely was, I was not. Although, I did remain open to the fact that I might not be able to ever have an abortion myself. Having never been presented with the actual choice, it's difficult to really put yourself in another's shoes and make a decision.  I've enjoyed the privilege of access to birth control that being raised in America affords me. Apparently my subconscious needed to take control to help me understand that yes, I would exercise my Roe v. Wade right should it ever come to a broken condom or slippery sperm getting through a vasectomy.  I simply was not nor have I ever been interested in being a mommy. It took a dream to help me work through and accept that'd I'd have an abortion to avoid that event.

I'm with ya Lambie.

Once I accepted that, I became solidified in my beliefs. I began receiving more reports in my newsfeed about women's rights and birth control access and abortion around the world. We here in America live in a privilege where we don't remember what our foremothers went through to secure this access. We live in a privilege where we get to choose. We live in a privilege where we get to pretend that protecting the fetus should be the ultimate sacrifice of the mother when really, there's so much more to the story. If you didn't catch this one in my previous blog, you should read it. Here's another one about the women impacted by the Zika virus.

I believe, without doubt, that women need access to abortion. They need to have access to birth control. They need to have access to health care. I urge you to watch this video:

It has so much more to do with just being human than the title may suggest, but it's solidified the journey I began with that dream. I suppose I could sit in front of a mirror and say "Pink" over and over again until I didn't want to retch at the color. I could also repeat "I prayed for you" until I no longer grind my teeth.

I shall Zen my rage.

However, I do feel compelled to seek out ways to listen more intently and without judgment; I'm fairly good in most situations (pink and praying for me not withstanding).

For me, it was a dream. For untold numbers of women it's not a dream. It's their reality and they need support, guidance, and the freedom to control the destiny of their their own bodies. That's all any human needs.

Breathe. Listen. Humanity.

Postscript Follow-up: The Dutch are awesome. Read this article about their efforts to help. Democratic candidates are also committed to help.