Comfortably Authentic

A friend of mine recently shared a story from her former workplace. Apparently her upper level boss--the man one level higher than her direct manager--actually approached to inquire if she dyed her hair. Apparently it annoyed him when women with dark hair didn't dye their gray hairs. Somehow seeing the gray through the otherwise dark field of brown or black offended him and caused him distress and he felt compelled to share this with my friend...in the office...during their initial meeting. She lives in Burbank mind you and she works in the film industry so there's no small connection or pressure to conform and obey to beauty standards. But just wow!  I had to step back for a second and consider where the hell that guy got off thinking this was ok or necessary.

I didn't think so either, Loki.

I've been asking myself that a lot lately. Whether something is ok or necessary or kind before posting or saying it aloud to someone. In essence, I've been trying to boil things down to authenticity. What is authentic to me and my beliefs? If it is authentic to me, then it is real. It is genuine. It is necessary and kind and absolutely beautiful in my core way of life. I think grey hairs are beautiful and authentic in life and if my friend's ex-boss can't handle the authenticity, he can GTFO. I can not be silent when violations to those core beliefs occur. Part of recognizing my authenticity is also calling out people who insult those pieces of my authentic self. Lately, parts of my authentic self keep revealing themselves.

Wow. Dragons would be totally rad. Make things much easier. Wish dragons were part of my authentic self.

We started reading Handmaid's Tale in senior English. At the start, one of my seniors kept commenting on how old Margaret Atwood is. I finally cut him off and countered that I think he needs to work on his ageism comments because she is a vital, intelligent, and vibrant woman who has earned every gray hair on her head. Just because she is now in her 70's does not mean she has nothing to teach us. Quite the contrary. Her works are gaining in relevance as evidenced by the recent adaptation of HmT by Hulu and the articles I've seen on HuffPo and other news sites in the last year alone. I pulled one up from the last week just to drive the point home. I couldn't allow my seniors, who are going into the world in a matter of months, to think it's ok to look at senior citizens that way.

Actually, I typed in Margaret Atwood, not Mary Margaret, but hey! That works.

Also last week in another class, one student raised his voice and asked another student if his girlfriend was a slut. The young man had the good sense to reply that his girlfriend was indeed not a slut.  However, I still had to intervene as this kind of language is not acceptable for a classroom. The young man who defended his girlfriend accepted my correction and agreed that he should not use such terminology to refer to women ever. However the other young man retorted  loudly, "Am I the only one getting talked to about this?" Wow. Just wow. Not necessary. Not kind. I assured him as I do all students that whenever I speak to one about a disciplinary issue, I won't discuss the discipline of other students, but that the kind of language he used would never be tolerated by any student in class as it was blatantly disrespectful. My authentic self could not sit by and allow a group of 17 year olds to think it's ok to talk that way about women.

Yeah, that about covers it.

Then, this weekend I posted a video of what actually happens during an abortion. I don't know how many people will actually pause to watch it. I found it quite informative. Most of it I knew, but I found the video to be thorough and enlightening as well objective. It countered a lot of the misinformation and stayed on point with only facts. I'm sure those who want to know will watch and those who don't, won't. That's the beauty of social media. If you don't want to learn, you can choose to remain ignorant of the information and just blissfully continue to scroll down the newsfeed. However, I struggled as to whether I should post it or not.  If I was to be my authentic self, I needed to post it. People need to know the truth about what abortion is and what it is is not. I feel strongly in this age of misinformation and in the wake of that stupid fabricated videotape that was used against Planned Parenthood that people need to understand why abortion is necessary. They don't have to like it. They don't have to get one. But they sure as hell need to keep it legal for women everywhere. When it comes to whether or not I am being true to my authentic self, posting that video was an opportunity for me to get the truth out there. If they take the opportunity, that's up to them. I created an opportunity based on my authentic self.

Yes, Penguin. How true indeed.

Backtracking a smidge, Wednesday night I did something I rarely do. I went out. That's not the authentic part I suppose. A friend invited me to a dedication circle. She has almost completed her study of healing arts and she participates in a goddess circle--essentially a Wiccan coven of a fashion. I'm solitary, but she invited me for this dedication and invited me for others should I be interested. I am rather, although the smudging was a bit much. Tough to breathe honestly. However, it was welcoming, and refreshing, and lovely to be a part of a group gathered for this purpose. Even though I am very solitary and really not much of a believer in magic, I do enjoy ritual and a dedication to using my voice was a good thing. Besides, being witness for my friend's dedication was important I thought It felt very authentic to state that in front of people I know only a little-- some not at all. I felt authentic. Real. Genuine. Without artifice. It felt good.

Yea me!

I put off writing this post for a day because I wasn't quite sure how to string all these ideas together. I'm not entirely sure I did a coherent job of it. The fact is, I finally chopped my hair to the length I've always wanted: super short pixie. I stopped dying my hair and now the gray shows through. I wear my glasses more and mascara less. I've stopped wearing nail polish as much. I wear clothes that I like and that are comfortable. I wear make up if I feel like it, but it's mostly just powder to control the shine or a blemish. I'm 42 years old and I feel like I'm finally starting to figure out who my authentic self is. She's a bit more vocal, too.

This moose makes no apologies either.