Dear Topamax

Dear Topamax,

We've been together now for three weeks. We're taking our relationship to the next level tomorrow. It's the final stage in our partnership and I have to say it's been a rocky ride. I've stuck with you because of the promises and the possibilities. I hope that my dedication and belief in you haven't been misplaced. In the last three weeks I have endured a lot from you without a lot of reciprocal benefit. As we approach the one month mark, I hope that changes.

Goat's got some expectations that haven't been met.

I actually found the not drinking over the holidays easier than I thought it would be. The warning about not drinking while being with you was really effective. Black outs? Sloppy drunk after one glass of wine? No thanks! Your messing with my brains made it a bit easier too honestly. The scrambling in my grey matter made the resistance to alcoholic spirits a bit gentler. Since I already had trouble finding words, speaking without slurring my words, and remembering what I was doing, alcohol seemed redundant. Superfluous really. I did desire the taste of the Cabernet at Christmas (my favorite non-migraine inducing red wine) and I did really want a beer after school Friday night, but you know what? Not drinking for three weeks has helped me to rule out alcohol as a trigger for my migraines. I do still have an awful lot of migraine days on my diary for the last month, so I guess thanks for helping me rule out alcohol at least.

Hermione says you need to work harder, though. She's right.

You know, you're awfully tough on the digestive tract. Between the decreased appetite and the tummy rumbles and the frequent need to have a bowel movement as well as the increase in gassy expulsions, it's almost like lactose intolerance all over again...except I take my dairy pills and I don't eat a lot of dairy anything. While I do appreciate finally losing that stubborn 7-10 pounds I gained and couldn't lose after my neck surgery, I'm rather fed up with the knot in my belly. Seriously. Can you ease up on my gut maybe? I'm doing everything right by you, so can you cut me some slack on at least the poo and the farts? That'd be helpful. I'd really appreciate it. It's embarrassing, really.

My intestines have had about all they can take...

The one I was not in any way bargaining for though was the marked decrease in my libido. No one mentioned that when your name came up in regards to my migraine management. No one said boo even though sexual side effects were why I stopped taking anti-anxiety meds. Here we are three weeks into this relationship and I am wondering why I have no interest in kicking boots with my loving and incredibly patient husband only to scroll through to find a lesser known side effect of decreased sex drive. Lovely. Did you really need to go there? The fogginess, the sleepiness, the moodiness, the memory loss, the blurred vision, the gut problems, the tingly scalp, the numb face, the thick tongue, the dry eye, the inflamed gums, the numb limbs, and all the other side effects weren't enough for you? You had to go there. You had to. Fuck you. Since I don't get to enjoy it, you might as well get a good ol' fucking out of it. A riotous and rambunctious, all day long until you're chapped and can't walk right fucking. Enjoy.

You know what I like about this one? Such style. And a smile.

My migraine diary lists 15 days of migraine headaches since we started seeing each other. Everything I read tells me that after a month, I should start to experience some of your good qualities. I also understand that somewhere between 1-3 months, not only should I begin to experience a decrease in migraine activity, I can expect a sharp decrease if not a halt to all negative side effects. I hope that's true. I want to believe in you, Topamax.

But I'm putting you on notice. I'm watching you very closely.