If Only

Do you ever dream of some detail or aspect of your life you'd change that begins with the phrase "If only"? I came across a posting through a chronic migraine site that asked that question. I read through the author's list and through some of the followers' responses. I was really taken in by this query and decided to explore my own list of "If only's".

publicdoaminpicture.net

Yeah, it looks strange to me too, Goat. 

Apostrophe s to avoid confusion rather than possession

 or change the y to i and add -es? Tricky for sure.

If only I had a robot
This was my contribution to the online thread. If only I had a robot with a screen of my face via webcam so I could see my class and they could see me. I could keep teaching while also staying immobilized on those days when my migraine makes me too dizzy or lightheaded to move around. It'd also help control the worsening of the pain that happens when I move. Sometimes the pain is manageable if I stay still. Not always, but sometimes.

Doctor Who Dancing GIF by Cheezburger

Even though it's got sweet moves, not this robot.

Have you not seen Doctor Who?

If only I didn't have to spend money on so many medications both Rx and OTC
I totaled up my required medications. These are the ones I must take, not any that may be incidental. $2095 annually. We could get ahead on all of our debt by anywhere from two to seven months depending on which one we focus. We could pay for a plane ticket overseas. We could pay for some renovation work we've not been able to get to. It might not sound like much to some people, but it'd be a chunk we could put to good use.

pixelfucks.com off Tumblr

Mine don't do that. They'd likely cost more if they did.

If only I didn't have to see several specialists
My basic doctor office visits total $715.00 annually. These are not immediate care visits. These are annual exams and check-ups to monitor my conditions. If I only had to pay for an annual general practice doctor and an eye exam, I could save $610.00 every year. That along with the savings on medications would be a sweet nest egg for retirement savings/investing. It'd allow us some financial wiggle room we've not had since my husband had to quit traveling with his roofing job.

www.funnyjunk.com

See? Two doctors is plenty. Even for that angry dude.

If only I didn't have to miss out
This would be a long list if I listed them all. Coffee with a friend, dinner with the family, or just time to myself to read are all things I don't always get to do. Shakespeare in the Parks is this weekend and it's outside, which means too much sun without an umbrella, sun hat, sunscreen, and UV clothing. Even with those measures it would be a risky venture this summer. It's also going to be 105ish degrees. I'd have to sit in a plastic bin so that when I melted my husband could transport my puddled self home again. I really wanted to catch Othello.

northsenioracademy.blogs

Handbills at tomorrow's performance.

If only I could win a million dollars
I don't have need of more than that. It's actually more than what is really necessary. After taxes is still enough to pay off the mortgage, car, and student loan with plenty left over for living comfortably (not luxuriously because that's not us at all). We could make all the renovations we need to and sell this house. We could then get a fuel efficient RV and go on tour of all the states and national parks. We could travel off the continent. I wouldn't have to work and neither would my husband, so we could take as much recovery time as we needed on our journeys without worry. We could invest wisely and live off that.

Yeah. Don't let a baboon do your accounting.

If only I could eat what I want
Triggers be damned! If I want a glass of syrah, I can have a syrah without worrying about a migraine or irritating my gut. I could have all the pasta and bread I want. I wouldn't have to worry when we went out to eat.  I wouldn't have to do any elimination diets ever again! It would be culinary bliss.

weareallsimplymad.tumblr

Something like that Patrick, but do remember to chew.

If only I didn't have to explain
Explain to doctors, explain to family, explain to friends, explain to bosses and coworkers, explain to insurance companies (don't get me started on the pre-existing condition fights).  Gah! It's tedious and repetitive and exhausting. It's one of the non-painful yet taxing parts of being chronically ill.

You get me, Dark Willow. 

Just don't go do something evil about it, 'k?

If only I wasn't sick
That's the crux of it all isn't it? Each of these little if only's stems from illness and would be gone if I didn't have these illnesses. We might not get that RV now, but it'd be a realistic investment to plan for after I retire. Right now it's just fantasy. Just like everything else on this list. None of this is reality for me or for others will chronic illnesses.

That's right, Moose. Just keep on truckin'. It's what we do.