I was going to post about Yule. You know: how I celebrated; how I plan to incorporate that sabbat into the next few weeks; how it coincided with a glorious full moon etc. But then I was reminded that today is Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us. Let the Airing of Grievances begin.
IHA.com
Goats climbing narrow stone passages: It's a Festivus miracle!
1. How dare you, Commander in Self-Promotion for rescinding your statement about compromising on the stupid border wall and government shutdown. Asshole! You are playing with people's livelihoods. Your ego and idiotic campaign pledge to carry out construction of something so grossly expensive and ineffective affects countless people at the holiday season. They depend on those programs and paychecks for the work they have done and continue to do. Fuck you! You arrogant fuckhead.
gifheaven.tumblr.com
If only it was a middle finger.
2. Amazon you greedy motherfucking business! You make it so easy to shop and find items that you've made actual going to stores obsolete! We've grown more and more dependent on you and you have revealed and reinforced your title as one of the biggest corporate fuck-the-common-people-opolies ever! You capitalist pig of a company! You abuse your employees, reap untold monies for your muckety mucks, and exploit the public's desire for simplicity in shopping while still in our underwear. Fuck you for preying on our social anxiety!
tumblr.com
Me when I have to go in public.
3. Facebook, you are an unscrupulous plague on the worldwide web. A blemish on the face of your book of likes. A Venus flytrap of tempting, time-wasting timelines. You traded your integrity, mission, and users to the detriment of our democracy and mental health and trust. May users run far away from you in the coming year. You are not worthy you fuckstick of global proportions!
cravecanada
Again, if only they were middle fingers.
4. Anti-vaxxers, you purveyors of falsehoods and once controlled devastating diseases! You have resurrected diseases like measles to once again run amuck through societies. You know, these diseases can mutate. We had them under control and people with compromised immune systems were protected my the herd, but no! You have to let your fear of being non-neuro normative open the door to smallpox, measles, mumps, rubella, polio and who knows what else that will creep from the slime of your misinformed and self-important ignorance. Fucking get fucking vaccinated!
seinfeldgifs.tumblr.com
Are you happy now? This dumpster fire is on you.
5. Algorithms of Diablo III! I have been loyal and played hours and hours of rifts and campaigns and you withhold rewards from me. You know that builds work better when complete and yet you fucking refuse to drop a few items I need to complete my builds. I have submitted myself to humiliating defeat despite conquering every quest and bounty you've thrown weekend after weekend after weekend. Fucking throw me a bone, or a Girdle of Giants. Maybe a Blade of Tribes. Something! Sweetums the Barbarian has untapped potential dammit!
reddit.com
Don't suppose you have an Orb of Infinite Depth for Lucious in there, do ya?
And there you have it. My Airing of Grievances for 2018. I don't know what Feats of Strength we shall partake of around here. Perhaps we'll bench press a cat or power-lift a basket of laundry. Whatever we do, I wish you a Happy Festivus.
Wikimedia Commons
A moose in water! It's a Festivus miracle!
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