Forgiveness

Apparently today is International Forgiveness Day. Did you know that? If not for the Yogi of Facebook, I would be clueless on this. However, I must admit that I have been ruminating on the idea of forgiveness lately. Maybe it's all the Borgia my husband and I watched last week. All that sex and violence in the Vatican needing some serious atonement ya know? Whatever brought it into my mind, it has been knocking around for a while.
I am in awe of people who find the capacity to forgive egregious sins. Mavvy Stoddard for example. This woman stood at the trial of the man we know as the bald guy with the crazy eyes who shot Gabby Giffords, and she forgave him. You see, he also shot and killed Mavvy Stoddard's husband. Despite this, Mavvy said, "I forgive you." Somehow even though this man took her husband's life, Mavvy found it within her heart to forgive. I don't know if I could voice a forgiveness of my husband's murderer just months afterward. I'd like to think I could eventually, but forgiveness takes time. I'm not sure less than a year would get me there. Forgiveness has no timetable or deadline. I think the point about not letting others recreate the world in an ugly, dark, and terrifying way that reflects their twisted and vengeful viewpoint, probably is the concept to embrace. It's that don't-let-the-bastards-grind-you-down concept. I find Mavvy's capacity for forgiveness remarkable, encouraging, and inspiring. Her forgiveness is more powerful to me because unlike  Pope John Paul or even Ronald Regan who both forgave their would be assassins, Mavvy is just a woman. She's not the leader of the world's faithful Catholics and she is not the leader of the free world. While John Paul and Ronnie set a remarkable example, as leaders they were under a bit of obligation to walk the walk ya know? For the two of them though, it is their faith that led them to their understanding of forgiveness. They saw divine providence in their survival, whereas Mavvy's husband did not survive. She had to make sense of the loss as well as the conflict of knowing who was responsible for the murder without seeking divine intervention as encouragement, and she still came to the conclusion that forgiveness was more important. That leaves me speechless.
Whether it was her faith that brought her that understanding is irrelevant. She got there. That's what is important.
The alternative I believe is devastating to a person's well being and vitality. Harboring hateful thoughts about someone or something does nothing but churn your insides against you. I think forgiveness takes time and reflection. I think it is necessary. Without forgiveness, I envision a life of dystopic porportions. Happiness requires the capacity to forgive.
I also think forgiveness does not require forgetting. Just because I forgive someone does not mean I have to let him or her back into my life. I don't have to be chums with the guy stole all my stuff out of my car one Christmas. I can forgive that person without inviting him over for dinner. I can even forgive the guy who took a six year old's hand and put it down his pants to get a handjob, but that doesn't necessitate any more contact than that. I think forgiveness can have limits.
I examine my forgivness list sometimes. If I catch myself in a grumpy ass spiral, I stop to try and figure it out. Oddly, I forgive others much more readily than I forgive myself. I am not a mass murderer or would be assassin mind you, but if I hurt someone with my words or if I feel like I have harmed someone, I have a hard time forgiving my transgression. Even apologizing or seeking forgiveness for myself, does not always alleviate the burden. Finding that way to forgiveness is just as vital for self-forgiveness as it is for others. Anyway, if you've got any forgiveness to give, today's the appointed day for all the world to release and move on.
May you always find your way to forgiveness.
Remember:

law of attraction networks

All Hail the Queen

Most people have a go to music album to suit their mood. I am no different. I have Queensryche to assist my need for cathartic singing. I have Indigo Girls for singing along on road trips. I have a host of classic metal for times when I just need to release some angst. Then I have my happy music: Queen.

My earliest memories of listening to Queen are from when I was still in elementary school. I recall going to the drive-in movie theater out by the Air Force base. It's gone now (the theater not the base), but I distinctly recall hearing Queen over the little metal speaker. I remember waiting for the movie to start and hearing this song begin:

Love his hat in that one. Good ol' Freddie and his fashion choices.

I remember how that bass line just caught my attention. I asked my parents if they could turn up the speaker, which I don't think they were thrilled about doing. Perhaps they were just surprised; I have no idea, but I was quite taken with the song. It's still one that I turn up louder when it comes on the radio.

I also recollect when Queen performed at Live Aid. I tuned in mainly for U2, but Queen's set blew my little fifth grade mind! Freddie's strutting and Brian May with his signature hair, what more can you ask for right? You can catch the whole set at Rollingstone's Video Flashback.  I defy you not to sing and clap along with "Radio Ga-Ga." Mercury was a master at getting the crowd as evidenced by his echo response vocalization after "Ga-Ga." I think it was the first time I really connected the name Queen with the songs I had heard on the radio.

In high school I was treated to their soundtrack for Highlander.

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Christopher Laaaaaaaam-bert. Thus began my Scottish fetish. 

 

Still one of the most stirring rock ballads I have ever known. Breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time. Astounding. This is what a benchmark looks like.

Thing is, I never owned a Queen album growing up. It wasn't until college that I realized how great having access to their collection was. My college roommate had volumes 1&2 and it made excellent homework music or play cards music. It was due to her influence that I first heard this, my favorite Queen song:

At work, the Queen station on Pandora is a staple of my day. It is generally safe from expletives save live The Who songs and it always gives me a boost when I am low. I was appalled when Pandora's algorithm tried to sneak "Ice, Ice Baby" in. As if I wouldn't notice! Grrr. I stopped that dead in its tracks with an indignant thumbs down.

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Uh-huh-uh Pandora. 

Forgive the gap--Blogger seems to think Nedry needs a big lead in.

A friend of mine will be getting married soon. She is thinking of having this song as her wedding march:

I don't think there's anything to think about. It's the perfect song for a wedding. I highly encourage her to just do it.  

And there you have it. My go to happy music. It makes me sing. It makes me dance. It makes me feel good. If you can't sing along to at least one Queen song besides "Bohemian Rhapsody" or "We Will Rock You/We are the Champions," you are missing out. If you don't like Queen, I don't think we can be friends. 

All hail the Queen!

 

Retreat

*whew*
*ah*
*contented sigh*
*gasp in awe*
These are all reactions that our usual summer vacation spot conjures within me. Maybe it is all the treasured memories of friends laughing, playing games, and making fantastic meals together over the campfire. Perhaps it is all the wildlife or the sublime scenery.
Maybe it is the skinny dipping.

 Whatever "it" is, this lake has it.
Each year my husband and I make our great escape to the lake. This year we took ten whole days to enjoy our favorite place on earth.
One of our past times at the lake is to read. I read a lot at the lake. This year I got books one and two of the ten volume epic fantasy series Malazan Book of the Fallen by Steven Erikson done. Highly recommend it to anyone who loves an epic fantasy series, but after book one, they just seem to get bigger. Seriously, if you have trouble getting a 400 page novel down, then buckle up for 800 or more pages of thrilling battle sequences, intrigue, spellcasting, and characters that fall into big holes called warrens. I also reread Armand by Anne Rice (FYI, Armand in the movie Interview with the Vampire looks nothing like the description of Armand. One of her best Vampire Chronicle novels in my opinion.) as well as a book for my online book club, Death by Drowning by Abigail Keam. Unfortunately, that is book two in a three part series and I feel I really missed something by not having read book one. I also got half way through Wild Ride by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer. I would have finished that one (it's a fast read) at the lake too if we hadn't left the lake two hours earlier than we planned on. I enjoy it more than I thought I would honestly. How could I not enjoy a book that opens with a thank you to Joss Whedon for Buffy? I love having time to just devour a few good books without interruption other than the occasional swim or campfire meal.
Another favorite is playing games. We love to play Phase 10, Set, Skip Bo (Although we never quite remember the rules and I am sure our version is just a "variation."), Canasta, Munchkin, and this year, I even played cribbage. I think the last time I played cribbage I was also camping with the same set of friends. Anyway, we also tried Kill Dr. Lucky. Fun game--think Clue, only the series of events before you play Clue are the focus. Your goal is to kill Dr. Lucky by any means necessary (I tried whacking him with my broom, pummeling by pumps, strangling by apron, and suffocating by pantyhose. Yeah, my attempts were never with the weapon cards; I had to use what items my maid character had on hand.) Beware his dog though; that little beast will try to foil you every time.
Along with the activities, there is also my checklist of wildlife. I always hope for moose of course, but so far I have only managed a dead moose on the trail and sightings of moose droppings. I did see the biggest frog of the lake to date. Usually their bodies are 1-2 inches, but this guy's body was 4-5! Then there are all the tiny fish that swim around you as you try to convince yourself to actually get submerged for a swim. My husband made several attempts at fishing this year. The bats made night fishing difficult and during the day, the fish seemed more intent on teasing him than anything else. Garter snakes are another popular visitor. Listening to loons at night is lovely as is seeing a bald eagle flying overhead as you float on the lake's surface. Deer are frequent and this year we had even more daily visitations than usual.

They seemed to be particularly fond of the shrubbery just behind our tent. Hummingbirds are another guest that I look forward to. I almost thought that I wouldn't see any this trip, but I saw two. One had a higher pitch hum than usual, but he was brilliant red. The other one was probably female because she was mostly tan, but she took a breather in the pine tree so I got a good look at her. Turtles are also residents, but you don't always see them unless you are using goggles when you swim. My hubby managed to capture a turtle in a picture.

See that dot near the bottom directly below the swift? That's a turtle poking its head up to check out what we were up to.

My husband saw a beaver, which I've never seen. You can readily see their handiwork if you walk the trail to the falls, but to see an actual beaver, never happened. There are also a variety of squirrels, chipmunks, and even mice. At the site that we frequently reserve, a black mouse makes his appearance in the morning and returns in the evening. You may catch a glimpse. He's also responsible for chewing the hole in the bottom of our tent last year.  Bears have been spotted there, but not by us. We've seen pictures of bears walking the lake edge when we were sleeping in our tent, but never with our own eyes, which is probably just fine.
This year, we did not escape medical complications unfortunately. I was hoping to, but alas! Our friend was struck with heat stroke. The first days we were there were unusually hot and she had been there the day prior to our arrival which was also intensely hot. She did make a full recovery, but what an awful experience when you are camping. Then, my husband's ax decided to attack. Thankfully he was not swinging the ax at the time, but he had sharpened it to chop wood. Consequently, when it fell off the stump it struck his ankle clean to the bone. Apparently I am squeamish. I always knew I couldn't watch my own blood be drawn, but other people's blood draws didn't bug me. I can watch a video of a surgery online and not get sickened, but when I helped my husband bandage his wound, we came up with a scale of nausea inducement called Hurl Factor. I honestly tasted the sour bile in my mouth and had to look away when I saw the fat layer and sliced tissue. Had we been home, we'd have gone straight to the ER for stitches, but since we were 30 minutes from the nearest medical clinic which would be closed by the time we arrived and about 90 minutes from Missoula, we made due with our first aid kit. His ankle also is doing mighty fine for being in the woods during the healing with nothing but butterfly and waterproof bandages, gauze, tape, and antibiotic ointment.
One of the best parts of the lake though is witnessing a thunderstorm. Holy buckets you need to hear the thunder echo off those mountains. Granted, this year's thunderstorm started with a torrential hailstorm that we drove through when we were returning from an ice run. Coincidence humor there I tell ya. Anyway, the hail was about the size of shooter marbles and we had to pull over briefly. It coated the highway to look like snow and it was so loud on the roof of the truck that we had to shout at each other to be heard. Once that stopped though, we did have one glorious thunderstorm and some mighty fine fog the next morning.

The sunburst on that last one looks like a portal to another world.

Anyway, we have returned to the real world. My face is one big freckle and my husband's ankle continues to heal. The laundry is done and the supplies packed away. The felines have forgiven our absence. We've been camping at this lake together for roughly 20 years. I can't imagine a better way to spend our vacation than at the lake's shores. It is where we rest, recharge, and revel in each other's company. It is where close friends burn the snot out of ham buried in a fire's coals. It is where friends braved the soggy June weather because we were 18 and freshly out of high school and didn't know any better. It is where the daughter of our closest friends got married to her wonderful husband. So many glorious memories and more to be made. 

Blessed be, Lake. See you next year.

What a Piece of *$#* Is Man Sometimes

What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me—
nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.

If you don't know, that passage is from Hamlet. It's one of my favorite moments where Hamlet ponders the unbelievable nobility and grace of humanity. Despite his awe though, he is not moved by what he sees. I've had a few days to ponder humanity myself. On the one hand, humanity is truly amazing. On the other, humanity is hopelessly bereft of anything but cruelty. This befuddling duality of humanity has been on my mind.

Last week, I had occasion to spend a few days in a tree house cabin with some friends of mine. This gathering was a pre wedding retreat for a friend. Unfortunately, my body decided this was the perfect time to succumb to a nasty cold. My husband also received some distressing news on the day that our little hen party was to begin. During the four day retreat, I received some of the most compassionate and kind acts. My friends knew I was ill and they got me some medicine to help my cough and congestion. They knew I was in a bit of shock and worry about my husband's news and took measures to help me relax and take care of myself. They listened, helped me laugh, and supported me the whole weekend without me ever needing to ask. This is what friends do for one another. They not only looked out for me and did not razz me about coughing all night long (although I am sure it must've been awful sleeping for some of them), they did the same for each other when little quandaries popped up. In this small group of women, I was able to observe laughter and merriment and support that exemplified how humanity can indeed be angelic and beautiful among the Earth's creatures.

Conversely, I also experienced the other side of "this quintessence of dust" that definitely did not delight me. As those of you who have been reading know I have been struggling with changing jobs and trying to maintain happiness even when the bastards try to keep me down. Just before this tree house trip I got an invitation to interview for a part time job via my free lance site. I sent an inquiry for more information and was excited that this person thought I'd be perfect for the job. I let her know that I had some non-negotiable time off for vacations and weddings and she seemed fine. I even told her that come fall, my time would be somewhat more limited, so answering her messages during certain times of the day might be difficult. She wasn't worried. I eagerly awaited my first job assignment when I returned from my tree house adventure. 

As I understood it, my job was to cover making travel arrangements for her, responding to messages for her when she was away, scheduling, and at times purchasing needed items and shipping them to charities like orphanages. I didn't think much of it because it promised $400 a week, which would build up nicely toward purchasing our own medical insurance, a down payment on a new truck for my husband, and it would alleviate some financial burden about paying my student loan. Awesome right? Well, my first job assignment shows up two days late and it is a check for just under $2000. Right away, I am surprised and a bit confused. I was expecting directions and new employee paperwork and a task assignment list. I email my new boss and she says that since the shopping list for this orphanage is so large, shipping all the supplies would be difficult and that she had "reached an accord" with the director of the facility who would buy the items herself. All I needed to do was deposit, wait, and then Money Gram the money less my weekly salary to this person. Sound fishy? It did to me and to my husband as well. It sounded gloriously easy mind you, but it also made me a little apprehensive. Consequently, we did some Googling and found a check fraud scam from a few years ago that hit Craigslist. Same M.O. and almost identical circumstances. I was crushed. Not only would this put the skids on some of our plans, but it meant someone was using my freelance site for nefarious purposes. It also meant that someone (probably a lot of someones) is out there preying on people who are trying to find work and earn a living, but who will end up committing fraud and being held accountable for all the money he or she transferred unknowingly. Thankfully, I had done nothing with the money. 

Humanity can be noble and admirable in its infinite faculty. It can also be cruel, predatory, and awful. Trying to keep believing in the innate goodness of humanity is damned difficult when you experience the other side of humanity. For now, I am eternally thankful for the wonderful women with whom I had the delight of spending a few days in a tree house eating good food, playing ladder ball in tacky formal wear, and going to the hot springs. They do delight me greatly as they are all strong, capable women of integrity and compassion. For this other woman who tried and failed to take advantage of me, I say:

fivefullplates.com

Free Time

What a lovely weekend.
Due to a hiccup in the flow of posted assignments, my article writing took a hiatus this weekend. I suddenly found myself with all this unobstructed free time. I could spend my weekend unencumbered by deadlines and AP style.
I met with a friend for coffee to start things off. I finally got to bike on Sat. since the weather decided to stop the rain long enough to have some sunshine. So I biked downtown for coffee with a friend. I was treated to the sound of many a person out grooming their lawn. Many kids out running around enjoying a preview of summer to come. It was a delightful venture on my bike just enjoying the lovely warmth and outside recreation of a sunny June day. I was also quite thrilled to find the coffeehouse put in a funky little bike rack which is of course shaped like a coffee mug. I thought I'd have to hunt for a rack, but nope! There was one right outside the shop's window. Way cool.
I spent a lovely couple of hours getting caught up with my friend. We haven't actually seen each other in months. She's been occupied. I've been occupied. We've been on opposite frequencies. For two delightful hours though, we chatted and enjoyed one another's company. It was sublime.
Then I biked myself home and my hubby and I decided to go have lunch. Lunch could have been better, but just sharing a meal out with my honey was delightful. After stuffing ourselves, we went and met a newborn baby.
Some friends of ours just had their first baby. She's a delight. Of course, she slept most of the time we were there, but oh my goodness is she cute. She's tiny and her chin is kinda sucked in like an old man who is missing his dentures. That's how her mother describes it and I have to agree it is an apt description. She's also a new member of the crooked pinky club. This wee one is lovely. Our good friends are her grandparents and their boy whom we have known since he was 11 or 12 is the daddy. It's a little surreal. I was fine until we got up to leave and I hugged this young man. It just brought tears to my eyes to think of this young person whom I have known so long being a father. It's humbling and he and his wife have so much love for this baby it's palpable. Pure joy.
Last night my hubby and I started a Netflix series. Have you watched Hemlock Grove? It's very melodramatic, but I'm intrigued so I am sure we will continue. It is rather soap opera-ish at moments, but I do so love Lili Taylor I can't help but watch. It's got a slight Twin Peaks season one feel to it.
Today, there still were no assignments available so I made some editing corrections for another article and spent the rest of the day as I saw fit. I would have loved to be in the garden, but yesterday was too muddy and today it was back to rain. Not that I am complaining because we really do need the rain, but a little yard time would have been nice.
So I gamed instead. I did.  A lot.  It was great. I did my usual morning routine of reading a bunch of articles about the state of the world as it is, but then I got to obliterate some demons with my monk. She's totally a badass.
I took a break to go have a bedlah set fitting. Our belly dance costumer got her order in from Turkey and she was afraid the set I ordered would not fit. Luckily though not only did my green set fit, it has a peacock color to the sequins which is fantastic. Not only did the green one work, but the wine colored one did, too! Huzzah!
Now the weekend draws to a close and I am content. How wonderful free time is. I had forgotten.

3 weeks gone

Nope-haven't fallen off the planet yet. I've just kept myself insanely busy with my jobs. My essay tutor job is on hiatus until summer break. I could pick up shifts, but I don't want to just yet. I will though. I got my evaluation for this semester and it was quite positive. A lot of growth apparently, so I don't want to get too rusty before my regular summer shift picks up in July.

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I'm the best!

My article writing gig gives me a great boost. I get paid precisely squat mind you, but I have built up enough of a nest egg to buy my own gaming computer. I will also be getting the latest MS Office for my work mind you, but this summer my hubby and I can game together or separately, which is beyond awesome. I have achieved Inferno level in Diablo III with my monk, so I need a serious machine to reflect my prowess. Not really, but the laptop I've had for seven years is taking far more upkeep and its MS Office is simply not prepared for the gauntlet I shall throw down this summer.

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I'll use it for work, too. Geez.

A new computer will also open up the voice over work I've been toying with for a year. My excuse not to explore this avenue has been the lack of adequate technology. This upgrade will remove my excuses and hopefully propel me into yet another money making possibility. I know; I'm too busy already, but my regular gig ends in two weeks, so summer is mine to explore new opportunities.

crazy4teachers.com

Nope--not gonna do it!

Why do I do all of this? Because it has become abundantly clear to me that I cannot speak of my regular gig without ranting. One must choose the rant audience wisely. It's not like I am George Carlin, a master of the rant in my opinion, and people will pay to listen to me rant. In fact, most of the time I am apparently considered unflappable. No, really. Those are someone else's words not mine.Therefore, when I rant, it tends to make people nervous. Consequently, I must be highly selective about who I rant to. So far I have squarely one person to rant to. Thankfully he loves me too much to have me committed just yet.

panicked-chick.blogspot.com

It's a wonder he hasn't. Really.

A close friend asked me about my job last weekend. I started to discuss it. I had every intention of being calm and logical. My Goat was prepared to thoughtfully engage the topic, but then I could feel this ball of frustration churning in my gut as I tried to explain about how it is May and I still don't have all of my supplies. These are supplies that are required for the job I do at the command of my bosses and they are materials that I can't just pop over to Walmartia and grab. They are pricey and must be ordered through the head office.
They haven't been because the grant ran out and there's no more money.
It's also copyrighted material so I cannot make photocopies.
Like I said, churning in my belly.

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I hate how it feels.

Then my mom asked me about work Friday night. Mind you, she used to do this job. She did it for 30 years. She got out at the right time. Anyway, she asked me and again, the rant began to build. Since I was with family and I had a little shiraz in me, I let fly the angst. Oops. Wrong audience. I think I shocked her. I did however make it plain that I have every intention of leaving this profession. My sister has left the profession. She is a librarian now and she believes strongly that she wouldn't have been able to retire if she had not moved to the library.
I don't want to be a librarian.

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Totally me in the library.

I also don't want to have this overwhelming boiling point of rantiness every time someone innocently asks me about my job. It saddens me beyond belief, yet I know that there does not appear to be another road for me. The one I've been on for twelve years seems to be at an end.
Interestingly, when someone asks about my side gigs that pay squat, I beam. I don't care that for an article I typically get less than minimum wage. I love it. I research topics and then I get to write my perspective on the topic given a 2-3 word focus from the client. I wrote articles on everything from freezing vodka to bigfoot to why soap is a base not an acid this week. It totally rocks! It just pays exactly nothing compared to my regular job. I'm sure there's a writing union out there somewhere that I can join and get medical coverage like actors have. Freelance writers have to have insurance, right? Insurance is my next big hurdle to freedom. Must find a way to maintain medical coverage after I leave my profession.

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That would be about it.

If you are still looking for the point to all of this, it is the rant is an artform. You must choose your audience wisely. You cannot simply rant to anyone and I do not feel free to rant online via social media. I cannot rant to my bosses in any way shape or form. They get wacky notions that making me spend the day with a different age population will solve everything.
They are wrong.
I love a good rant. I enjoy watching Carlin and other comedians just go to town with their righteous indignation. They can make us laugh with their brutal honesty. Rants come from a place of passion. When we care so deeply about a topic or a situation, we get personally involved and it becomes who we are. It is one way we define ourselves. Unfortunately, there will always be someone who tries to take that from you. They will make changes to things. They will make commandments. They will not listen. They will not offer useful counsel. When these become the norm, then the rant bubbles over. When you can no longer suffer your own rant, it's time to break free and find that happiness again no matter how heartbreaking or devastating the consequence.
I will grieve what I lose, but I will celebrate what I gain.

nabz-iran.com

Copy to be written later.

Great Rite Indeed

I love Beltane. I love any holiday that celebrates love and sex as the beautiful, honest and amazing expression of nature that it is. Sex has this tendency to make people uncomfortable and weird. I admit, I had hang ups about sex, too. I still do not understand some elements of what gets people in the mood. Just watch TLC's {strange} SEX some time if you don't know what I mean. It's not for me to get and that isn't the point anyway.
The point being that Beltane freed me from some of those hang ups. It helped me to see sexuality as something to be honored and explored and respected. I find that a far healthier understanding of sex than telling a teenager that he or she should not masturbate because it is a sin. If that's true--if it's a sin--then animals like monkeys and dolphins are sinful creatures doomed to hell. Satan can open a zoo for the world's sinful masturbators and they can all sit around getting off together. Quite the image right? Makes no sense to me whatsoever.
What does make sense to me is the fact that humans like sex. It feels good. It makes us all warm and tingly in  really exciting places. It is a basic drive that we share with the living world around us. It doesn't matter what kind of sex you are into. I don't think so anyway provided that no one is harmed. If the parties involved are consenting adults, it's not my business who wants to get busy with whom and how they get the deed done is even less of my business.
I may not understand everyone's sex drive, but I can say to each his or her own path on this one. I think what is important is not being ashamed about sex. Too many people feel shame for their sex life or choices whether due to religion, family or other psychological issue. I know I did for a long time. Between religion and being coerced into sex acts before I understood what they were, I had some stuff to clean out of my psyche. I found my boundaries on sex, too. I'm not all open and out there indulging with no limits; privacy and decorum I think are valuable. However, I am much more expressive and accepting of my libido. I can see the sexual side of myself as something beautiful, sacred, and holy rather than sinful, dirty and offensive.
Studying paganism brought me that understanding. Finding the true intention of Beltane helped me heal. It helped me accept. It helped me.
Merry Beltane wishes.

Two join as one,

The moon and the sun.

On this night,

Of Beltane delight,

One in spirit,

One in body.

Merry be the union.

Blessed be the rite.