So That Was Easter

As time has passed and I have moved farther away from any kind of organized religion, Easter has not retained its magical nature for me the way Christmas has.  I love Christmas--the lights, the carols, the food--all of it.  Maybe because of time of year and the wonder of the holiday brings some life to the otherwise bleak winter.  Perhaps.
This Easter we had what my husband refers to as Atheist Duty.  You see, my parents and my sister's family attend Catholic mass together.  It becomes the responsibility of my husband and me to attend to meal preparations, watch a sick niece or nephew or as with this Easter, spend time with my 96 year old grandmother because my parents are afraid to leave her alone for the 1 1/2-2 hours while they go to mass.  She's narcoleptic and very prone to vertigo spells among other issues and I can see why they worry.  No problem.  Gives me a chance to talk and spend time with Grandma.
Any way, church service non-attendance: My mother attempted to engage me in the "I miss you at services with the rest of us and why can't you just go to Christmas and Easter Mass with us" conversation some years ago.  I admit I didn't handle that very well.  I believe I got a little irate at the suggestion.  I quite distinctly recall asking her why she thought I would ever do that since it was the Christmas and Easter only attendees that drove me batty growing up.  I really did get vexed at the increased numbers of people who only attended at the holidays so it seemed odd that my mother--who knew this--would suggest that I become one of them.  I was insulted.  If I don't attend the rest of the year, what makes these days more special?  If I don't have a strong enough faith in the belief system of the Holy and Apostolic Church to attend regularly, it make no sense to me to attend on the holidays.  I know it hurt my mother's feelings, but going to mass just to make her feel better or to assuage my guilt (Catholic remember--you can't always shake it!)  for having lost my temper just aren't enough.  I have not yet reached that level of comfort to attend a Catholic service with indifference.  There's an odd mix of residual comfort and familiarity along with outrage over with what I see as hypocrisy and immorality.   The last service I attended was my maternal grandmother's funeral where my uncle--my godfather--saw fit to tell me as I cried that my grandmother prayed every day that I'd come back to the Church.  It was one of those moments where I had to choose between lambasting him with, "Well I hope you don't waste your time like she did" or just nodding until I could have a moment to myself to scream.  I chose the latter.  You need to understand, this was my grandmother who sent me a kitchen mat/rug for my wedding.  Really--it was a maybe $15 in front of the kitchen sink rug. For my sister, she matted and framed some lace doilies she had made.  It's taken me a long time to make peace with this little dig, but my uncle's assertion that my grandmother prayed for me to come back to the Church--the implied meaning "can't you see how much it hurt her that you didn't go to church" set those feelings to boiling.  The fact that my uncle rarely engages me in any conversation via letters, email or even Facebook deepens the divide to the point where I have very little interest at all in sharing who I am or what I believe.  This is my family.
My mother has accepted the fact that I don't attend mass--at least outwardly.  I am sure it still bothers her--probably more because it reflects badly on her that I don't attend church, but still.  She hasn't mentioned it for some time.  She has however started asking questions or making statements about other beliefs and points of view.  I don't think she's quite ready to accept me being Pagan mind you, but she made an interesting comment this Easter about how she recognizes the Pagan origins of Christmas, but that she still thinks Easter is distinctly Christian.  Perhaps--depending on how you look at it.
Anyone on Yahoo last week probably saw this article about how the date for Easter is set.  By this it is evident that a celestial event is used to set the date of Easter and the variable nature of the Easter date is now explained.  I have to wonder why the date was set according to the moon whereas Christmas is a fixed date.  I know Christmas set more closely along with Pagan days like Yule and Saturnalia, but why not so with Easter?  It seems a strange way to set dates for one of the faith's most cherished celebrations.  I didn't bring this up though.
I also didn't explain about the Easter Bunny or the eggs as being Pagan either.  Again, this was one of those things I had to investigate when I began reflecting on being Catholic.  What the hell does a bunny, an egg and a bunch of chocolate and candy have to do with Jesus dying and rising from the dead three days later?  Well duh!  Those are all the trappings of Pagan and secular beliefs.  Looking just at the symbols, eggs are fertility representing the potential for a rebirth.  According to Pagan belief the Sun God is awakening from the winter darkness and takes notice of the Goddess--this sets in motion the mythology that will lead to the eventual uniting of the God and Goddess at Beltane.  An article in my Facebook news feed on Easter presented a lot of my own associations and beliefs about the holiday.  I loved her remark that, "It mattered not to me if this was myth.  I embraced the symbolic meaning behind it all."  Non-Christians and yes, many atheists I know like to poke fun at Christian Easter myth as being the zombie Jesus story.  I laugh too, but the myth is important this time of year if you look beyond the walking dead savior.  The young son (not sun anymore) God died and is resurrected just like the Sun in Pagan myth died in the winter and was reborn.  Both Sun and Son now go out into the world again to bring new life.  Easter distinctly Christian?  Not absolutely as far as I can reason.  Even the celebration of the Jewish seder reflects on the idea of moving from slavery to freedom--darkness to light--death to life.  Members are encouraged to invite people from outside their family and faith to partake in what is moving and hallowed ritual recognizing a new life of freedom.  There might not be bunnies and eggs, but there is an abundance of symbolism in every aspect of the rite which educates about the Jewish faith while also reflecting on the themes common to much of humanity: compassion, kindness, respect for children (children are expected and encouraged to ask questions to deepen their knowledge).
Even my atheist and agnostic sites sent me unique items in my news feed that reinforced my belief that if we'd all just stop having to be right all the time we might discover some fascinating similarities. Neil deGrasse Tyson explains the difference between agnostic and atheist, Cheney gives a rubric for atheist versus believer with some interesting quotations to explain the ratings, and Jason Gots reminds us of the important three beliefs that humanity almost universally accepts even without referring to religions.  Again--no bunnies or eggs, but there's the inclination to respect another belief system and to recognize that humanity should be able to agree on some fairly basic guidelines.
I may have missed an opportunity to engage in a meaningful conversation to educate my mother on Easter and the season and all it has to offer.  She seems content in her beliefs for now.  I hope if there is a next time I can speak up thoughtfully, objectively and respectfully. I also hope that if she and others like her have questions, they seek out answers from as many sources as it takes.