Soon we will welcome a new year. Little less than 12 hours in fact. As is the case with many, I too have spent a portion of this day ruminating on the past year and wondering what to do in the future to make life better. I have read a wonderful novel about what the meaning of this season is for various groups, but all experiences in the work touch upon the human themes of forgiveness, love, being and doing good, and family. All of these are common ponderings for humanity especially this time of year, and I am no different in considering them. I also have a blog to contemplate in my reflection though.
I began this blog as a New Year's resolution some time back, so it seems only fitting to reflect on what the blog has taught me in the past year.
1. Being happy is really hard sometimes. I wanted so desperately to be happy at this time last year, that I decided to examine what in my life makes me happy and to then write about it. However, being happy in the face of large change and events beyond your control is most definitely difficult. Alas! I have not found any easy answers there. I can only conclude that happiness is fluid and ebbs and flows as the sea.
2. Little things amuse me and come in handy when my happiness seems to be receding. Donning funky socks, cruising around town on my bike, dancing in my living room, wearing unusual clothing, or engaging in online pun wars all contribute to my being able to pull myself out of whatever muck seems to be overwhelming me. Remembering that I possess this little arsenal of amusement is essential.
3. I simply cannot control what others do and to hold someone else responsible for robbing me of my happiness lacks conviction on my part. My happiness is mine to create and cannot be taken from me. All I can really do is adapt. Evolve or die as the case may be.
4. People who work more than 60+ hours a week cannot possibly be happy. I think at my height, I was working nearly 70 hours a week. I wanted to remain open to possibilities and new experiences that included a plan to remove me from my current work situation. Consequently, I said yes to several opportunities for earning money to put toward decreasing our debt including my student loans. My loans are minimal compared to some mind you, but they are still a barrier to our financial freedom. However, I cannot be happy working at the pace I have kept for the last 9 months. If these last few months are any proof, money cannot buy happiness. For my own health and well-being, I must say no and not be so focused on earning money to apply to the finances. As a result, I have designed a schedule for the new year that keeps me from accepting more hours than I can handle.
5. I enjoy writing. When the pressures of my many work schedules kept me from even wanting to look at print text, it was actually devastating. I didn't want to read for pleasure, and I didn't want to write my blog. I was too exhausted. While I was really enjoying researching and writing articles about everything from Verdi to jock itch, I also sacrificed my own writing pursuits. My essay tutoring has made me a better writing instructor as well as writer. My writing awareness grew from both of those jobs, but the jobs also kept me from writing for my own joy and fulfillment.
The novel I alluded to earlier in this blog was The Wolves of Midwinter by Anne Rice. Compelling fiction and quite possibly one of my favorites by her. Another theme implied throughout the novel involves creativity and understanding of ourselves and those around us. The protagonist gains an intense amount of insight into humanity and himself, and the need to create beauty is something I believe to be essential to my happiness. After my master's program, I found deep satisfaction in my work. I felt alive and boundless with my jewelry, my dance, and my other artistic avenues. Because of some choices I have made this year, I have neglected my creativity, and I want it back.
This next year's blog will be a part of that. May you all have a safe, thrilling, enjoyable, loving, and creative New Year.
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