June. That means all around the country LGBTQ groups are participating in PRIDE events, celebrations, and parades. Last weekend, I attended my first ever PRIDE, which was held in my hometown.
Oddly--if you Google Montana PRIDE 2016, you get this tiger before you get any hint of rainbow anywhere in Montana. Maybe because I have "labeled for reuse" as a filter.
Last Thursday I gathered with friends to Chalk Up for Love. This meant we were to use sidewalk chalk and leave inclusive, welcoming messages on the streets of the parade route. People brought their kids, their chalk, their friends, their lovers, and their dedication to equality for all and plastered sidewalks in a 5-6 block area on the route as well as on the streets directly to the north and the south of the route. Then we ate pizza and drank beer.
Wait! Come back here so I can enjoy your frothy and hoppy goodness!
On Friday, we attended a drag show. It was my second drag show and my husband's first here in town. A couple friends of ours started the performance group and were completely stoked to be part of the PRIDE Gay Agenda. The show itself started late. The venue had a list of special drinks just for PRIDE. The Twisted Rainbow was a purple concoction with an awful lot of shots in it that if you didn't stir, would leave your mouth in an unfortunate pucker. Anyway, we sat at the VIP tables, which meant we had a server to get us drinks, we had front row seats, and we got swag bags. Pretty sweet.
VIP bug got swag, baby! Although I likely won't need the hair straightener any time soon.
On Saturday, we did not walk in the parade as I had the time wrong, but we did attend the rally afterward where I got to listen to my friends who helped organize the events discuss the process and history of PRIDE. I got to listen to politicians who were both out and allies. I was incredibly impressed with our governor in particular. You should Google Steve Bullock and see if you can find transcripts or video of it. He knows how to speak at a rally.
Denise Juneau and Steve Bullock and Dirk Sandefur will have my vote.
All in all, I enjoyed getting to participate. I saw a different side of my hometown that made me enormously proud. I also felt enormously unsettled.
Nervous goat is watching all.
First and foremost, you couldn't ignore the shadow of Orlando that cast itself over the entire event. Less than a week after the deadly shooting, we were holding PRIDE in a Montana community where guns are common and homophobia is not uncommon. I participated in the chalk event not just as a member of the LBGTQ community, but as a member of my hometown community. I wanted to make sure that visitors here felt welcome. Then as I sat at the drag show, I was overwhelmed at the ease of everyone. They gathered despite the shooting. They came out with confidence and strength that I found remarkable. I admit though, I caught myself more than once giving in to melancholy and panic. I checked the exits so if something happened, I knew where they were. I looked at the people near my table so I could hopefully recognize them if I needed to identify someone later. I choked back my fears and my tears when I thought of Orlando and what could happen to all these beautiful people who came together to defy the hatred that stole other people's lives only 5 days before. Many at my table were my close friends and family by choice. I watched them and couldn't help but think about what life would be like if they were suddenly gone. It was emotionally overwhelming.
Yup. That's about how I felt by the time I got home.
I also sat there feeling a bit like a fraud. You see, I never really considered my own sexuality until after I was already married. I knew I was attracted to men and only dated men growing up. I also ultimately married my first love who happens to be a man. Imagine my shock when I realized that I was also attracted to women.
OK, so this wasn't the exact face I made, but you get the idea.
At PRIDE, they do this thing called roll call. When they called for the bi's, I cheered a reserved affirmation that would not have drawn attention from anyone. Compared to others who screamed, whooped, and applauded, my response could possibly be termed "half-assed," even though it was a huge step for me to say it out in the open like that. I'm a fairly private person who doesn't think her personal preferences need to be discussed or on display. I'm also not entirely comfortable with the term bisexual because it assumes only two options. I know from reading and talking with others that two is not all there is. I suppose I fit more in the category of sexually fluid, which some contend is under the bisexual heading. I'm not Miley Cyrus who is in your face about this expression of sexuality, but I do believe in being attracted to a person not a gender. Looking out over the crowd at the PRIDE events, I couldn't help but reinforce my belief that everyone there and elsewhere deserves the chance to love and be loved because we're all just humans trying to figure out what life and humanity means. The connection to other human beings struck me as one of the most important aspects of gathering together over PRIDE.
Indeed it is.
I cannot say that if my husband and I had not come back together that I wouldn't have dated women. I have not met a transgendered person that I am attracted to yet, but that's not to say it won't ever happen. I also know it's because of some very brave people that I can recognize this in myself and say it in my own understated manner. I may not be loud. I may "pass" as they say of us fluid ones who are married to an opposite sex partner. I do know though that I am fortunate to be alive in a place where marriage equality is possible. I'm also thankful to have had the chance to participate in PRIDE.
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