You Can Deny, but I Can't

Rape culture. Much like a lot of controversial topics, people will want to deny that rape culture exists. However, I’ve seen and experienced enough incidents to convince me that rape culture indeed exists whether you want to acknowledge and accept it or not. I present the following for your consideration.

Even this meme seems to have thoughts on the issue.

A story went viral over social media recently. Three young women witnessed a man put something in a woman’s glass of wine when she wasn’t looking. These women could’ve written it off. They could’ve remained silent. They could’ve done a lot of things that would’ve ultimately led to another woman being raped. The woman in question considered the man one of her closest friends, and yet he did this. They had him on video clearly drugging her wine. Thankfully, the witnesses spoke up. A society where this man could be on one hand her close friend, yet also willing to drug her in order to have sex with her is rape culture.

Skeptical corgi does not think you know the meaning of the word "friendship," sir.

In a cruel and twisted turn of fate, one of my friends on social media the very day she shared the previous story, experienced the drugged alcohol scenario herself. While out with friends, someone slipped something in her drink. This drug changed her behavior drastically. Her fiancée and friends knew her behavior was not just her being a little too intoxicated. They knew something else was at play. This wasn’t an example of blacking out. She simply had not had that much to drink. Luckily she was well-protected by her friends and fiancée and they got her safely out of the situation. She has no memory of the evening; that’s a hallmark of someone drugging your drink. A society where a woman in the safety of her friends and lover cannot enjoy singing, dancing, and yes- alcohol- without fearing being a victim is rape culture.

You say you want to go out with friends and have a good time without fear of being drugged? Sorry, but that's not in the handbook anywhere.

A few months ago, my dance troupe and I were making the rounds visiting with patrons at the restaurant where we dance. Most people are respectful and polite and some are downright chatty when we go around to talk. Our leader’s 13 year old daughter has begun accompanying us. She helps us get pinned into and out of our costumes, she helps with music, and she helps us when the dollar bill tips get too much and start falling out behind us. She’s cute and she has a nice figure. Well, one night as we were talking to patrons a fellow who had too much to drink asked about her. Our leader explained that her daughter was an apprentice and what her role was. Then things got awkward and strange. He commented on how attractive she was and asked how old she was. I know my teacher well, so I could hear the tension when she curtly replied, “13.” The man though then stammered and made matters worse by remarking again about how attractive she was and something about wanting to be back in middle school. At that point, my leader stopped the conversation and we left to another table. A society where a 50 something year old man can make comments about how he’d like to date a 13 year old girl and it’s ok to do so is rape culture.

She's 13, you jackass!

A few years ago, a friend of mine was raped by her boyfriend. She had a bit to drink, and she said no. He didn’t listen. I remember thinking at the time that I hoped she’d make changes to her life, not because she was at fault in anyway mind you, but because the violence of rape devastates a person’s perception of self. It destroys confidence and self-worth. I feared that this rape would mean not only her violation of body and mind, but also her death. I feared she would choose to die rather than continue to fight. Fortunately, she did choose life and she’s living a much better life far away from that man and from that place. A society where a woman cannot say no to a spouse, lover, or acquaintance and have it be respected is rape culture.

Spare me your excuses. Marriage, engagement, dating--none of it means you are entitled to ignore when she says no.

Over the weekend, I also read about a so-called man of God who stood on a campus preaching against homosexuals with a sign that read, “You deserve to be raped.” Because he thinks he knows the mind of his god, he believes it gives him the right to condemn a whole population to horrific violence. He thinks he has the authority to pass judgment on these individuals, and that they obviously will bring it on themselves to be raped. A society that tolerates such hateful speech, which condones and encourages rape upon individuals, clearly is rape culture.

WTH, dude? Cat is annoyed at your attempt to use religion as an excuse to promote and excuse rape.

My husband and I are guilty of rape culture, too. I tease him about being a pervert and he makes lewd comments about tying me to the bedposts so I can’t get away. I call him a dirty whore of an old man and he remarks about me not remembering him strapping me down and sticking his cock in my mouth because he used a roofie. Again, he’d never do anything like that, but the fact that we make jokes in private doesn’t make it right. It’s just more evidence of rape culture.