#52

Yup. This is it. Week 52. New Year's Eve. Looking back over the year, I have to ask, did I stick to some of those aspirations I had as I set out into 2016? On the whole, yeah. I did. It's reassuring that something about 2016 went according to plan.

Not much else did, so at least there's that.

Writing: I wanted to get back to blogging, and I have. I have written one blog per week. While it hasn't been every week, it does average out to one per week. 52 for the year. That's a big accomplishment for me to have stuck with it for the whole year. Good for me. While I didn't then take the next step and explore publish-for-pay opportunities in a serious fashion, I did get into the habit and practice of writing. I did look into paid gigs...just not with any kind of earnest effort. That may be this summer's endeavor. However, I have found a routine and a stronger writing style.

Self-satisfied goat is taking a much deserved break.

Teeth: I needed to devote some time to my teeth. Frankly, the poor things had suffered thanks to the TMJ, the Sjogren's, the grinding, the neglect *sigh. I just needed to take better care of them. I was much better about the dental hygiene and it showed. Much better dental reviews and less tartar, fewer lupus blisters, fewer bleeding gums days from the Sjogren's.  All things considered, much improved.

Go ahead bunny. It's worth smiling about.

Social media: I stopped checking it in the morning. I just needed to step away from it in life. So I started in the morning to get a fresh start to my days. I also avoided it quite a lot during the day only checking in periodically at lunch, but not really a regular thing. I think I may further restrict myself. Perhaps no mornings and no right before bed. I put the app on my phone to filter out the blue waves that interfere with your body winding down for sleep, but I think for my own well-being I should just devote a smaller portion of my focus to social media. Right before bed may not be needed in the coming year. We shall see.

Sometimes that's all I feel when I look through my  newsfeed. Not really the right mood for sleeping.

I'm not sure what 2017 has in store for me or the world. I'm not sure what I want to focus on for the coming year. I'll be considering that this evening as I sit down for dinner with my family. I know I need some changes. I know some stuff needs some retooling and some needs just outright banishing. But those are thoughts for another blog. In due time...I hear 2016 has a few seconds to spare anyway.

Over Christmas

That's right. I'm over Christmas. I don't know what it was this year, but I just wasn't feeling it. I never quite caught that familiar Christmas spirit. I tried listening to Christmas music, which I love, but it didn't help. I looked at our cute little tree, but it didn't fill me with joy the way it usually does. I simply couldn't get with the holiday mojo. So today I packed it all up and said goodbye without any ceremony or grace.

If only!

Maybe it's the migraines that weigh on my mind so heavily. I haven't received any relief really and no new information and my recent appointment with my regular doc was not all that reassuring nor was it helpful really. I felt positively awful afterward if I am being perfectly honest. I haven't felt so brushed off or disregarded after an appointment in a long time. It was beyond frustrating to say the least. No answers. No relief. Just stay the course, here's a new script, and go see an ear-nose-throat specialist even though you saw one 15 years ago for the same symptoms and they said they couldn't explain your symptoms.  You're going again just in case.

That's right, Dean. I don't, but it's like I don't get a say in the whole thing. Just because that doctor retired and took the records with him means I clearly have to go through it all again since my memory can't be trusted.

Maybe it's alcohol withdrawal. I don't think so really, but it's been a little over a week without alcohol thanks to that new medication and I'd really like a beer. Or the wine in the cabinet. Or a fucking margarita. It's my fucking winter break dammit and I'd like some fucking spirits. Not that the holidays aren't enjoyable without alcohol mind you; they can be. I just happen to enjoy beer, wine, and cocktails and the fact that I can't have them suddenly makes me cranky.

This guy sucks.

Maybe it's the whole atmosphere of "Holy shit that bastard is really going to take over the White House" that's bugging me. I really can't shake the impending doom I feel over PresidentTrumpCheeto. I have this overwhelming sense of cataclysmic failure of our government, a halting of every progress that's been made since the last world war being lost. I truly fear for the future in a way I have never known in my lifetime.

If The Doctor were to show up and have a plan or perhaps just whisk me away to show me it all works out, that'd be all right. That'd be splendid really.

Whatever the root of it is, I didn't enjoy the holidays the way I usually do. I didn't feel the spirit at all. I went through the motions to prepare cookies and the meals and the presents.  I went to dinner with the family and laughed and  partook of a delicious meal. I opened presents and watched in anticipation as our niece and nephews opened theirs. I didn't watch Christmas Carol like I usually do. I didn't dance at the Christmas hafla thanks to the dizziness from the medication. I didn't pack up Christmas in an orderly fashion the way I usually do. I just didn't get into it at all this year. But I truly got over it right quick. I really just couldn't pack it away fast enough today.

That one really sums it up by itself.

Things aren't right. I don't know how to make them right. I don't know that I can.

That Existential Crisis When...

Last week a hopeful and bouncy teenager from a small town near the Canadian border observed my third period class. This young lady used to attend my high school and wanted to do a  job shadow at the school in special education. My juniors were no more or no less their usual selves and they were quite intrigued by her presence especially when she asked them questions at the end of class. She had questions for me, too. Of course, she asked the question I always dread: Why did you become a teacher?

Always with that question. Always.

The truth is, I never set out wanting to be a teacher. It wasn't my ambition. It wasn't what I initially signed up for when I went to college. In fact, like many others I know, I came to education as a second option. A second option that was more my mother's suggestion and pushing than any real dedication or passion on my part. However, I've come to truly love some aspects of my job.

Um, no. That's not it. Not it at all.

I love sharing my fascination with research when it comes to assigning our big projects. Nerding out in front of my classes is fun and shows an enthusiasm for life-long learning that I hope some of them will develop. I frequently complete a research project along with them to model the process, excitement, and frustrations for them. I don't think I've ever used the same research project twice. Part of that is because focus of projects changes sometimes according to the new curriculum guidelines, but also because how I teach different projects changes from one year to the next. You have to adapt and retool all the time, and there's never enough time to get it all done. Besides, I truly just enjoy researching topics that are of interest. I think it's good for my students to see that curiosity and interest develop organically. It also keeps me current on my source material.

Proper research. Got it, Giles.

Another thing I love is seeing the wheels turning in my students' minds until they have that "Ah-ha!" moment. I know it infuriates some that I don't always just give an answer to them. I usually don't give an answer if the answer is readily available if they'd use their own observation skills or prior knowledge of class procedures. If I can ask questions to guide their thinking rather than injecting them with my opinion, that is a far better lesson. I cherish those moments whether big or small when the light of "I get it" goes on and they make a connection to something like Shakespeare or see a challenge they face themselves in a story from a century ago. I firmly believe that the stories of humanity are where we come together.

That's not quite what I meant. At all. 

Watching them succeed also makes my day. I had a young lady come up to me Friday who is so excited. She's always wanted to be a game tester and she has a job shadow scheduled soon. This is an opportunity for her to possibly get some vital information about what kind of training she needs as well as a potential for a part-time position. She was so giddy, I could not help but get swept up in her excitement. I truly hope it works out for her.

I really want her to succeed.

Despite these things, I still have an overwhelming sense of dread at times. They never tell you how grossly inadequate you will feel most days. Sometimes I sit back and reflect on the day and just beat myself up for flubbing a lesson  or not catching some crisis before it imploded. I know sometimes I can't control nor be held responsible for what has happened, but that feeling of inadequacy is stifling. Some days I feel like there is no way I can get up the next day and go back because I screwed up so much the day before. I know some of this is my anxiety, but I can't quite put to words the crushing awareness I have some times that I have absolutely no business being a teacher. It's one of the most crucial professional career paths in our society. It is to be valued, revered, and respected, yet I know I am not one of those Hollywood teachers that the public idealizes. In order to be a Dangerous Minds or Freedom Writers kind of teacher, you have to give up a part of yourself. If you have a family yourself, there's no way you can achieve that standard of the idealized teacher. If you have a chronic illness(es) as I do, you can never grab that brass ring. Trying to do so will do nothing but make your family resent that you're never around or make your chronic illness unbearable. That idealized version of educators is an unhealthy ideal. I know many educators who look down on those of us who leave at the end of our duty day. I know many who scoff at those of us who don't go in on the weekends to work or who don't bring work home. I make no apologies for my boundaries. I do what I can. I do what I need to. I won't let others shame me for it.

Even the bunny ain't got time for that nonsense.

I have been doing this job for 15 years now. I have 5 more until I can collect my full retirement. I heard a good news report that finally our teacher pension seemed to be turning around and not in danger of being bankrupted the way they've been saying for years. I have to make it 5 more years, and right now I question if I will. Between my fears regarding the changes coming to education under the Electric Cheeto in Chief, my own daily struggle to do the very best I can every day, and the knowledge that my health is declining despite my best efforts to avoid it, 5 years seems like an eternity. Even if I make it 5 more years, what the hell will I do after? I'm young enough to still work, but my health is variable. Will there still be health care coverage, or will the new administration make it impossible for someone like me to obtain affordable coverage? Is there I job in this town that I can do and still get enough sleep without the paralyzing stress? Will I be forced to seek disability because my migraines just won't abate? Will there even be such a thing as disability in a few years? I just don't know and it worries me.

Already there, Aladdin. Already there.

When you're a teacher, people expect you to always say you love your job, and I do. Some days. Some days though the frustration wraps around me like a suffocating piece of plastic intent on robbing me of air. Some days I don't love my job. A few years back, I truly felt like I'd have to be out of education by now. I had a plan, but that got rather thrown aside due to personal life turmoil. Best laid plans never go as planned. Never.  So here I am. Still teaching. Still finding those moments to cling to. Still feeling like a fraud because I am not nor have I ever been that teacher. I still show up every day. I still do my very best to do no harm. I hope the new guy in the White House doesn't fuck things up for our nation's young people. I hope my health lets me keep going. It's not even winter break yet and I am so very tired. But I keep going.

You and me both, big guy.

Finding My Voice

As I pondered what to write about today, I considered writing something of a more inspirational tone since I simply vented all my annoyances for the week yesterday. I somehow thought that perhaps yesterday's post was enough negativity and that I should try and look for something uplifting, but you know what? I don't owe anyone an uplifting post if I don't actually feel it. Right now, I don't feel altogether uplifting. In fact, I feel a trifle frustrated.

Moose owes nothing. Moose does what she needs to do. Moose is happy as a result.

Part of maintaining this blog is me trying to make sense of the world in which I live and have to function. Sometimes writing down my thoughts on important topics helps me to gain a deeper understanding. Consequently, I write about things I find important. Sometimes though, the posts are more personal. I write things to get them out of my head. It still helps me gain perspective on my situation, but it might not be of any interest to someone who doesn't know me. That's fine. At least I mulled it over wrote it out. Today, I am grappling with my New Year resolution I focused on for Samhain.

I rather like this. 

It covers all the important aspects of Samhain to me as a pagan: 

planet, person, and ancestors.

Samhain is a pagan New Year of sorts. Consequently, part of my ritual was to focus on building the courage and confidence to speak up more. I am an extreme introvert. I often do not see much point in speaking up in larger groups as I need time to really consider topics before saying my convictions out loud. I don't like being put on the spot. I don't appreciate being expected to speak up before I am ready to say my thoughts. Sometimes I already have something to say on a topic because I have considered it previously, but those times are few and far between. I also don't like speaking up in groups where I don't feel comfortable. However, even before the election results, I knew I needed to speak up more to have my voice heard. Now that the election results have been counted, it's even more vital that I start speaking up more on those topics that are so very important to me.
One area I am very hesitant to speak up much at all is at work. I'm still the new one in my departments, and I'm not terribly comfortable with the way things are or run really. As a result, I tend to be my usual reserved self in most meetings. However, at the last department meeting, I did speak up. Our department is reading a book about applying grammar instruction through creative writing rather than in isolation. It's actually a rather intriguing book and it has a lot of interesting information. Our department so far has opted to read a chapter, apply it in the classroom, then share out in the next department meeting. At our last meeting, we reported out on two chapters. I have to admit, I only skimmed the chapters as things were starting to pick up with the school year and two chapters of reading outside of school was not coming together. Anyway, during the meeting, some of our more extroverted members kind of steer the conversation, but I made it my goal to speak up at least once that day. So I did. One person pointed out an interesting activity that looked fun and I piped up that I thought it might be fun to use that idea with "Thank you, Ma'am." The activity involved character traits and large purses, which are important to the Langston Hughes' short story. A lot members nodded and said they too saw that as a possibility. I must admit, the validation felt good. Then at the end, we were discussing whether or not to do 1 or 2 chapters for the next meeting. I quietly spoke up and said that with all the informative writing assessments that were happening between then and the next meeting, I thought one chapter would be sufficient. Others chuckled at the remark, but in the end, the reasoning carried the vote. Again, good for me.

That's right, Toad. Well done.

At work, I also share a room with a male colleague who is very kind and supportive, but who has some of those old timey and sexist behaviors like telling women to smile. That just makes my head want to explode. The other day, I was working with a student who was having a particularly bad day and who was having difficulty controlling his mouth and his behavior. He was swearing and kicking and punching the walls. Nothing I couldn't manage mind you, but this fellow just happened to walk out the door at the same time I went out with this young man. It was a timing thing. Anyway, when he heard the student start swearing a blue streak, his instinct was to stand there with me in his wide legged stance with his hands clasped at his waist like some sort of military sergeant (not helpful in this situation) and rescue me. I didn't need rescuing, so before he could get it out of his mouth, I told him I was fine and he could go about his business. He has this idea that women need rescuing. We've discussed it before, so he went on his merry way and left me be with my student. I didn't need someone to save me and the student didn't need a bigger audience. Thankfully, my colleague knew I meant it and didn't try  to interfere. Point made.

This is in my head when someone thinks I need rescuing and I don't.

Another time I used my voice was with my mom. I get real tired of the propaganda that tries to convince people that prayer isn't allowed in school and that somehow Christians are the persecuted ones. Well, mom sent me what I'm sure she found to be inspirational poem that was allegedly written by a teenager. It was a poem written as essentially a parody of a familiar bedtime prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep...", but it made all the same arguments that are completely false and which piss me off. According to Snopes, it's also a very old piece that makes the rounds from time to time. Anyway, I replied to her that I thought it was rubbish and false propaganda. I asked her not to send me anything like it in the future. I didn't hear from her for a few days, but I felt better having spoken up because perhaps now the other religiousy videos and chain emails will stop. I told her I wasn't sympathetic nor interested in the propaganda. It felt rather good to speak up for my beliefs like that. We'll see if I have to do it again.

Goat says probably. You're probably right goat. 

Another place I have to speak up for myself is online. After the election, I found an interesting idea that the Electoral College actually is not under obligation to vote as they promised. Some members actually abstain and some switch their vote. For those of us who want Trump kicked to the curb, this presented a glimmer of hope. However, when I posted a link about the idea of a petition asking the EC to vote for anyone but Trump, a male acquaintance took the bait and got rather huffy. He was also rather condescending in his comments and posted a video about how the EC works with the question "Do you even know how the EC works?" This upset me. It smacked of mansplaining. However, as I believe in allowing cooler heads to prevail, my own included, I didn't watch the video until a few hours later. I figured maybe there may be something in the video that I didn't know. There wasn't. So after viewing it and considering my position about the EC (it didn't change), I simply posted a thank you to the fellow for posting an informative video and that for the record, I did actually know the information. He never responded. Probably a good idea on his part.

Me watching that post for notice of a reply. I was ready for it.

I feel sometimes that because I am quiet, people mistake my taciturn nature for being naive or ignorant. I am often neither. Speaking up is quite hard for me, but I have an obligation now. I have to speak up. I cannot go back to the days where I never said anything and instead had awful nightmares about my teeth falling out. That's apparently a sign that you should have spoken up about something. Now though, in the wake of the election, I have to speak up and speak out. I am inspired by the stories of women who confront the racism, the misogyny, the injustices they encounter in their daily lives. I am a member of a group online that shares these stories. Women and other marginalized groups are all finding their voice in this cacophony. Mine needs to join in no matter how quiet it is.

You know it, Bob! Now is not the time to be silent. 

List of Grievances for the Week

I'm behind a post, so you, lucky readers, get two posts this weekend. I know you're excited. Of course, today's post is just listing of what's annoying me right now. There's a lot, and I just need some blog therapy to get my mind settled. If you have no interest in reading about my trifling annoyances, go ahead and stop reading right now.

 

Curly-haired goat thinks you should just turn back now if you don't want to listen to me vent about the small stuff.

Annoyance #1: doctors who disagree and can't offer a solution in the meantime
As my previous posting said, my primary doctor and my rheumatologist disagree on how to treat my migraine issue. The GP got the MRI results, but I hadn't heard back with a suggestion. I thought, well, if he thinks I am waiting until I see him later this month he is dead wrong because I've had a migraine all week! I'm sick of the pain, the wooziness, the visual interruptions, and the clouded thinking. I can't function like this! I honestly strongly considered just starting an extra 2.5mg of my Amlodipine like the rheumy wanted. Maybe start small like cut that tiny 2.5mg in half to start with, or maybe get myself some baby aspirin anyway even though I know it's not recommended by my blood doctor. I. Need. Relief. The nice nurse at my GP's office called to let me know he hadn't reviewed the report yet, but she'd make sure it was in front of him first thing Monday. *sigh Time to go refill my Maxalt since I ran through 4 of 6 this week alone. Who knows what the weekend holds.

Me trying to get their attention. Remember me? The one having issues?

Annoyance #2: Migraines

I'm so over them. They just keep getting more and more interesting and not in a good way. On Thanksgiving I had a full blown, classic aura with the small kaleidoscope prism that then expands outward like a spiral galaxy until it finally grows out of your vision field. It took about 20-30 minutes, but it cleared. It also scared me as my visual auras had only ever been spots, or blurs, or wavy lines, but this! This is new and something I had only read about, never experienced. It was both pretty, but scary. Like this: Nice, right?

I've also had pain and balance issues most of the week. It's definitely interfering with my life at this point. I hate how you find something that helps only for it to evetually lose its effectiveness. It's an exercise in futility.

Just, give in. It's easier that way.

Annoyance #3: Medical bills that are incorrect
I've got two currently. One is from my dentist, who I adore. He's the only dentist I've ever known, but we got a bill for my husband that still lists $127 for a repair he got back in September. I paid this $127 better than two weeks ago. I checked and it cleared my account, too. I called and left a message for the office staff about it, and would they please look to see if the bill ran before the money was credited or if the money was credited to my account, not my husband's. I like all the staff there an awful lot, so I don't want to get pissy, but I know I paid that fucking bill, and if there's an error, it needs fixing soon.

Now's good.

The other one is for the MRI. I went ahead and paid for that puppy on the day of the scan because they offer a discount if you pay on day of service. I figured it wouldn't be an issue because I'd just submit the receipt to reimbursement through my flex plan. Except my flex plan doesn't want to reimburse me without an itemized bill or an explanation of benefits from my insurance company, which I received today. Interestingly enough, the EOB states that I only owe $140 for the MRI, IV meds, and doctor/nurse who looked out for me through the whole thing. Therefore, either the hospital is really bad at estimating cost, or my insurance company is feeling the Christmas spirit. Either way, they both owe me money--the hospital and the flex plan. I left a message for the the billing staff at the hospital. We'll see which they prefer: reimbursement check for $135 or sending me an itemized bill that shows $275 was the right amount for me to pay despite what the EOB from my insurance says. This is not the time of year to be making big $100 mistakes.

Moose gets it. Right, moose? You're shocked at the errors, too right?

Annoyance #4: Norovirus
Sunday night, I was just sitting down to have a delicious bowl of my husband's chili, when nausea washed over me. I ate a few bites and realized that I couldn't stomach more. I just got worse as the norovirus hit its stride: diarrhea, nausea, intermittent fever, and tossing and turning while trying to fall asleep only to be rushing to the bathroom at midnight to throw up. I didn't make it to school the next day. I ate nothing but chicken broth and rice for three days. It was awful on top of the migraines. I hope you never endure such an experience. I rather feel like maybe I'm getting reinfected. It happens. Fuck.

If you're gonna spew, spew the other way, ok?

Annoyance #5: Paying for express delivery and not getting it
I ordered Anne Rice's new Vampire Chronicles installment. I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Then I pre-ordered it last weekend, and the website said that with express, it would arrive on Friday. I had a quiet, pajama weekend planned. I was going to drink copious amounts of Earl Grey tea, wrap in a blanket, stay in my pajamas, cuddle with my kitties, and devour her book. It's a book nerds wet dream event! My copy was last reports in Reno, NV. RENO! It should have been here yesterday. My bookish weekend of indulging in Rice's sensual imagery and vampire world has been called off. Delayed. Re-routed. Denied.

I want my extra postage fee back.

Annoyance #6: Everything Trump has done since being elected
I am aghast at what he's doing. He's acting like a tyrant in waiting. He's disregarding his obligations and diminishing the office of President of the United States. He's so busy on Twitter that he's not doing his actual job training. He's not getting daily briefings because it's a bigger job than he planned. He's nominating known bigots, billionaires who want nothing but to makes themselves richer, cronies who have no idea what the hell they're doing, but hey! They're going to do it anyway and fuck everything up in the process. I'm a teacher, a woman, a sexually fluid person, a Pagan-Humanist, a science believer, and a person with a chronic illness or 5. I'm scared of what he's going to do that will directly affect things like my health care, my vocation, my benefits, my rights, and my fellow humans. I'm terrified.

Just make him stop! 

Seems like a legit solution.

Annoyance #7: Winter
I know it happens every year, but we are due for our first big winter freeze. I hate bitterly cold temperatures. They hurt. I get cranky and sore and stiff. So does my husband who as RA and ankylosing spondylitis. It's going to be a cold, painful week. It also means scraping windshields every day and trying to avoid falling on ice. Oh, and avoiding the people who have either forgotten how to drive in winter or who have recently moved here and have to learn how to drive on ice. Goody. Don't even get me started on the dry eyes getting drier and the dry skin getting flakier. Dry. Dry. Dry. And icy. That's winter.

*shudders at the thought

Annoyance #8: Fake news
Seriously? What the fuck? People are doing this to make money and interfere with foreign governments. Remember how I said I was going to stay away from Dr. Google because of the information being somewhat difficult and scary--what's real, what's me, and what's not applicable? Well, apparently other people aren't very discerning consumers of media. I know I've been suckered in the past, but I have learned to question and fact check first before I get outraged. People actually would rather make money and cause mayhem, than make sure that the pubic gets what they need to make informed decisions. Living in this world in hard enough. Humans don't need help being paranoid or resistant to other viewpoints. Fake news and foreign interference have complicated things for our election, and now the world has to endure the fallout. Spotting tabloids online is harder apparently. Not impossible, but it is harder. If someone already believes it, it's easier to sucker them in. Consequently, we have Trump at the helm. Fucking confirmation bias and fake news. It's even led to a new law in Texas that requires aborted fetuses, no matter how developed, to be buried. What the hell people? Even adults aren't always buried. Many are just burnt to ashes and spend eternity in a can. Why should we bury a clump of cells? Because of a false news report that alleged Planned Parenthood was selling aborted babies. It has been disproven. They admitted that they fabricated the video. Yet, policy is being written based on false news.

And they are laughing all the way to the bank.

Annoyance #8: People disrespecting wildlife
It wasn't bad enough that people were doing stupid things like putting baby buffalo in their cars or getting too close to bears and buffalo in Yellowstone. I read about a guy who hauled a hammerhead out of the ocean and beat it repeatedly. He took selfies with it. Then he let it go only for it to turn up hours later dead. Fuck him. It's called cruelty to animals and it's no better than had he picked some random human to beat repeatedly and then photograph. Fuck. Him.

You've pissed off the hobbit for the last time!

Annoyance #9: People who harm children
It doesn't matter if it's widespread cover-up and systemic like the Catholic church scandal or if it's a single incident. Children are innocent and should be left alone you sick fuckheads! They should be able to trust adults especially those in their own family. I learned recently that the father of an old friend has been arrested for allegedly sexually abusing his grandsons. Makes me wonder if he did it to his own son, someone who grew up with my husband. Child abuse is a big problem in my state. It's rather sickening the number of cases that come up given our relatively low population. It's astonishing and saddens me greatly.

That's right, Ron. You tell them.

Annoyance #10: Sjogren syndrome
Usually, I'm fairly in favor of most things Swedish--the Swedish chef, Swedish fish, or Stieg Larsson novels. Not so this week. Maybe it's the norovirus, maybe it's the migraines, or maybe it's just the dryness of winter complicating things, but Sjogren is not my friend right now. My mouth and throat are so dry, that I can't get through reading aloud to my students without an abundance of water and Hall's Vitamin C drops. I cough at night, too while I'm sleeping. It's a dry, hacking cough. Not a cold or congested cough, just dryness. It's a constant, parched hack. We're hooking up the vaporizer tonight, so maybe that'll help. But I on top of everything else now I'm coughing a lot, my eyes are dry and gritty so I'm using drops more and thinking about ditching contacts for the foreseeable future, and my gums are bleeding again. Fuck you, Sjogren's.

Not you, reader. Sjogrens.

There you have it: my list of annoyances for the week. Sometimes writing it all down gets it out of your head so you can focus on other things. Sometimes, a rant will do you good. Sometimes, it helps you remember all the good things, too. Excuse me, but I need to go focus on some good things now like enjoy some cheese, cuddle a cat or three, and hug my husband.