Forward, March!

I attended our local Women's March yesterday. It was cold, but not as cold as last year's march at the capital. It was a good size crowd for this town in my opinion. I scanned the crowd for people I knew. I saw a lot of retired and current teachers. I saw my old drama teacher. I saw a friend from way back in elementary. I saw public figures like judges and even the mayor. I didn't see any of the friends who went with me to the capital last January, though.

Did you find them, Goat?

Turns out, one had a swimming lesson with her toddler and one had complications with her chronic fatigue syndrome. I don't know about the other two. I didn't see them. My husband came with me though. I appreciated that.

No, Dean. He didn't cry, and he was thumbs up the whole time.

Last year, almost everyone had a pussy hat. Hell if I know why. I felt no need to put that on my head. I wouldn't wear it as a regular thing. Ever. Why would I wear something cheekily named after my genitalia on my head? I know it was because the hat looked like cat ears and all, but there's no face and whiskers on this hat. It seemed odd to make a genitalia covering for what I consider the strongest part of me and every other woman: our minds. It seemed a bit like saying our minds are no more than our pussies; they are one in the same and equal. Dunno. I think my intellect reaches beyond labia.

Yet I thought somehow I was a bad feminist for not wearing one as I looked out over all the Pepto- pink-pointy-hats -for-the-cause.

BTW: does this gif weird anyone else out? Just me?

I saw an opinion piece asking women not to wear the hats this year, but many did. Probably because they had no other reason to wear it all year and they wanted to get their money's worth. I'm being facetious. I don't know their motives, but the opinion piece thought the hats were silly and somehow representative of the racial and privilege lines. The Women's March caught a lot of flack for being privileged white women. However, part of what drew me to it was the representation of people of color on the organizing event board as well as the commitment in the mission statement to recognize all races, identities, abilities, and economic backgrounds stated as "diverse women".

The mission of Women’s March is to harness the political power of diverse women and their communities to create transformative social change.

~www.womensmarch.com

Check out their Unity Principles, too.

At the march yesterday, the invocation attempted to be secular, but the minister's habits interfered with her wording at times. But she tried. The speakers tried to send the message to reach out to one another. They specifically said to make sure that all people feel welcome--reach out to those with less; reach out to those of a different racial background; reach out to someone of a different gender/sexual identity and make them all feel welcome. Part of me felt a wee bit squeamish like maybe this was being white, cis, privileged savior-y. However, the speaker appeared not to be white, but who knows? Maybe she identifies as white on her demographic forms. I have no idea. 

You don't know either, do ya Loki?

Does it matter?

Should it matter?

But it really highlights how complicated this whole road we face is. Reach out with friendship, right? Kinda like how we're taught as kids to welcome the kid who is sitting alone at lunch. Kinda like moving your gear on the bus so someone can sit down.  Kinda like being a decent person without patting yourself on the back for being such. Begin by greeting one another as a person with our own identity, experience, and voice to be heard. 

Speak your truth, Heimlich!

I think we need to listen more and be prepared to be bit gobsmacked occasionally. I think we need to hear when someone is trying to understand even when he or she is being clumsy with their word choice. This does not include comments like calling Haiti a shithole country, mind you. Or white supremacists very good people. No! on that thanks. Those deeply flawed statements need to be admonished for what they are in direct and blunt terms. I think we need to be open to the voices that struggle, that yell, that quiver, and that even deny when they seek understanding and perspective. 

And damn if it isn't hard, right Michelle?

Changing systemic biases is always hard. 

We wouldn't still be having this discussion if it wasn't

A long-time friend for example was trying to make sense of the Aziz Ansari revelation. He posted on Facebook about it with an article. He sees it as a widely varied spectrum of misogyny from stupid unwanted comments about smiling for instance to sexual assault, and that perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to crucify someone. That whole due process thing or perhaps clearly defined boundaries of behavior. My friend is a white male who I have always found to be an ally in a lot of situations. I was surprised when those closest to him came down so hard and told him to be quiet and not to silence female voices. I didn't take his comment that way; I was shocked those who should know him best saw it that way and publicly sought to shame and shut him up. It's online, so maybe a missed the joke or the tone. Maybe. Other women got on the thread and shared their stories and tried to clarify the situation for him. I appreciated these stories. We teach students that no question is stupid and that if you've got a that question, someone else likely does, too--so ask! 

It makes little sense then to tell adults not to ask questions. 

Questions can engage civil discourse.

If we're not able to ask, then we're not able to discuss. If we're not able to discuss, we're not able truly to walk in another's shoes. I hate having to explain about being a woman sometimes. I hate having to explain about being a humanist with pagan tendencies sometimes. I hate having to answer the same questions/suggestions about my health conditions sometimes. But if the person is asking from a position of ignorance and a a genuine attempt to be compassionate and to understand, I don't see where shaming and silencing does a good-god-damned at all. 

Right, Chris?!?

If this has seemed like a long-winding road to the end of my blog, oh well. These blogs are often my way to vent or to work out my own positions and thoughts. I'm not trying to preach or to direct the conversation, but I am trying to do better. I am trying to participate in discussion on tough topics. I want to do my part to help our silly species to ascend to another type of civilization. 

I don't recall that advice from your book, Michio. 

And it's hard. There's got to be more that can be done to get people to connect as humans. One suggestion from yesterday was to go online to Harvard Project Implicit and take the hidden bias questionnaire so we can call ourselves out. I like this idea. Change begins close to home, right? I apparently have a moderate automatic association of male with science and female with liberal arts. I do have a strong automatic preference for white over black people. I was disappointed with that. I was hoping for moderate. I have work to do. I'm sure it's going to be hard, but it'll be worth it.

I probably shouldn't take the political affiliation one yet, huh Moose?

Uncover one or two blind spots at a time, maybe?

Maybe?