I'm an introvert. I spend a lot of time in my own head examining my own thoughts. Sometimes those sessions become overly-obsessing anxiety events, but sometimes not. On my mind this week has been the start of Botox, the racial and feminist intersection, and money insecurities.
Am I boring you, Goat, or is that a hint of reassuring smile on your lips?
I started the Botox on Wednesday. I did some investigating at the behest of a friend regarding auto-immune responses and Botox. There's apparently connection between Botox and autoimmunity thyroid concerns. Since I have a host of autoimmunity concerns already, I was loath to add another. I discussed it with my neurologist, and she told I was not at increased risk. She said that the associations were primarily when a person either a) receives an improperly mixed batch, or b) gets a dosing too close together. I'm still going to talk with my rheumatologist about it, too. However, After so many pain days already this month, I felt like it was an option that outweighed the risk for one dose. My next isn't until April. Just so ya know, those "tiny needles" hurt a lot. You get stuck at least 10 times by three separate syringes. I first described it as bee stings, but I think dull thumbtacks is more accurate. I can say this for it so far: My forehead already feels weird even though it was supposed to take a week for that to kick in. Also, I've had moments where I feel like I'm about to go into a migraine, but it suddenly stops. This makes the forehead weirdness worth it.
I'm fairly certain this is a GIF of one Fate as I got those those injections that will make me feel better.
After I endure some pain first.
Last week I wrote about racial bias and the Women's March. I pondered over why I only had a moderate gender bias after missing one on the test and a strong score for missing two on the racial test. I can only conclude that they are very strict on their boundaries, or they take into account the 89.2% identify as white statistic for my state. The next highest is two or more races at 2.7%. I'm not shirking my duty to be less biased here, but this is just something that I've been considering. I also found an article right after I posted by Rachel Cargle about how difficult it is to be both black and female ("This Photo Of Me At The Women's March Went Viral And Changed My Activism Forever"). It was enlightening. I've come to realize over the last few years that listening to voices of other marginalized groups provides the best insight and compassion. This was no different. While I do need to consider more about how the outrage only happened when white women felt uncomfortable, I do have greater understanding after having read the piece. In regards to the white women feeling uncomfortable bit, I was deeply saddened to read in her article that the main impression was that there wasn't enough outrage from the white women over the injustices the black women had endured and specifically during the Black Lives Matter movement. During those shootings and police brutality and BLM backlash of All Lives Matter, I was outraged, I was horrified, and I was also accused of buying into propaganda. I heard more than once and read more than once that this was just a media spin. That seemed grossly dismissive. There weren't a lot of BLM protests in this state. I did read a lot about BLM and being an ally and how best to make it better for others. I think it is shameful that once again people of color are being told that their fight is not valid or necessary or patriotic. If anything, it's a reminder that the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's accomplished a lot, but the work was not done. Fighting for a voice and a place in the discussion can never be considered solved; once accomplished, it must be protected and reinforced I truly hope that those voices keep being raised up.
Interesting Fact:
I typed in "Colin" into GIPHY to find this guy, but the whole first page is other white dudes who also have the first name Colin. WTH?
Lastly, it is tax season and we just got our W-2's. I look at my salary for the last year and wonder where the hell all that money went! That amount used to sound so huge that I couldn't imagine that it would never be enough to save for retirement. *sigh* While I am thankful for our retirement program, I know that it won't be enough. I know that we don't have enough should anything catastrophic happen to one of us; especially to me since I bring most of the green into the house. I've thought a lot about what would happen if I had to go on disability. I remember my dad having to do that because of his MS and cancer. We almost lost the house. I recall watching my husband's mother struggle too as she was dying of cancer. She had to liquidate everything in order to be turned down for disability. Seriously? She was in hospice and they denied her claim? Then my husband's cousin also went through that. She was lucky to live with her parents at the time, but still. WTF? I suppose it wouldn't take much for us to be destitute, but apparently being sick and destitute isn't enough for the disability cash cow entitlement that the GOP claim is so bloated and unsustainable. Fuck. That.
Even if it came out of a cloud's butt, I'd take that shit.
At the end of the week and poised to start another, I sit here with my senior kitty on my lap. I have a book that I want to read to the left of me. I have another kitty farther to the left of me. The other is playing with something he shouldn't be in the kitchen. My husband is playing World of Warcraft. I try to be Zen. I hope the Botox keeps working. I hope the racial bias I have dissipates so that I can be a better ally. I hope that I don't have to go on disability and that somehow, we can put more in the savings account. But hey! I live in the land of plenty; where freedom rings from shore to shore; where we all have the potential to raise ourselves up.
Yeah, I'm wearing my skeptical/ironic face, too Moose.
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