I'm sure you've missed me. I meant to get myself back on track over the holiday break. That didn't happen. It didn't happen due to being sick and not thinking clearly. It happened because of a distraction of WoW size. (I got my frost mage up and running again.) It didn't happen because, let's face, 2017 sucked and I was having a hard time sorting my thoughts to post. And now, here I sit. Cat on lap, 2 cats to the left, and still in my robe. But I'm writing.
Don't look back, Goat. New year is ahead of you.
I sneaked a peak at my New Year's post from last January. All that comes to mind is: fuck. Didn't get much of that shit done at all! Perhaps I was too ambitious. Maybe I was just too lazy. Then again, I had a lot of health shit storms, too. I must cut myself some slack I think.
All systems forward. Engage!
I didn't answer the big questions about my professional goals. I still contemplate them, but I think they're on hold. I have no intention of paying for more school credits on my own. I want those stupid student loans off the record before pursuing anything else. I should really look for some scholarships and grants for more credits I suppose. Should. *sigh*
And yet, I said it, Gene. I said it.
Wellness has been a total roller coaster. Good golly , Miss Molly. It is a never ending struggle. I get one thing under wraps and another one goes haywire. I keep trying, but it really does beat you down some days. OK, lately it seems like most days. Let's be honest. I think I've posted more about my stupid health issues than ever before. It's been hell. No two ways about it.
My face when I worry about a migraine. Or fatigue. Or anxiety. Or any of it dammit!
As for creative, well, summer was spent mostly painting the damn house. I pushed in the heat for 2-4 hours and paid for it for the rest of the day. I simply didn't have a lot of chutzpah left for more leisurely pursuits. Sun and heat just drains me of everything. Consequently, I didn't get in the routine of making with the creative. I did get a clay tile made for a friend. I did fiddle with jewelry. I suppose I should find my way back to it. Eventually. Where oh where is my passion?
Whoa there, dude. A little less aggression there. But yeah. You're right.
Humanity. Oh! the humanity. I still totally suck at going out and being social. Part of that is the migraine insurgency. Part of it is the IBS limitations on diet. Part of it is the sheer fatigue and disinterest in small talk. I have put forth effort to make more connections, although many of them are digital or electronic rather than face to face. I can manage email and texting even when I feel like shit. Going out though is tough. Just call me Hermit and let me be in my robe and on the sofa.
I'm not leaving and you can't make me!
Financial. Well, like most years, it goes up, it comes down. We had a tax refiling windfall that let us have a great time in Seattle for the Depeche Mode concert. It allowed us to buy a sofa of which I am probably a little too fond. It let us put an auto start in Zippy the Bluebaru. It allowed us to get paid up on a lot of credit bills. It made Christmas easier. Now it's gone. Back to the month to month. *sigh* My husband's checks have been inconsistent, so that's taken toll on the trying to save and stay ahead. I'll keep fighting the good fight on that front.
It is possible. I feel it in my bones. Or maybe that's just the below zero temps we've had this winter.
I've scaled back my ambitions for 2018. Last year really beat a lot of us up. It was tumultuous and scary and painful. I don't know if 2018 will be any better, but I am focusing on a few things right now. Simpler things. I have chosen to get my butt in gear and learn Spanish. I have an app on my phone that tells me I am 11% fluent after a week. Ha! When I don't have to laboriously search for the right words and phrases, I'll consider myself fluent. I am pretty good at some basic phrases, but I get a little confused on conjugation of those verbs. I may need flashcards.
Yo puedo hacerlo.
(I had to look that up. Haven't got that far yet.)
I'm also meditating in the morning with a mantra. I'm breathing in energy and breathing out compassion. I'm really trying to greet vehemence with love. Sarah Silverman nailed it with her troll last week. If you have not read that exchange, you should. She's my hero. I'm trying to apply this compassion to everything I do that would otherwise irk me over the top. I'm managing, but it's a struggle. Just gotta keep saying that mantra throughout the day. I'm feeling a change, so best keep going. It has made me more easy going during the day.
Yes you do, Sarah. You just gave us all a lesson in it.
I've also given up the smartphone before bed. I was good for a long time, and the last three months of 2017 I was terrible about looking at my phone for 15-20 minutes before bed. I couldn't get away from social media. I feel better now though. I am getting more sleep.
Smartphone before bed bad.
I made another small sleep change: I stopped hitting the snooze button. I get going a lot more in the morning. I do admit, by Thursday, it'a bit harder to get out of bed; slower going, but I get there none the less. It's had an interesting effect on my efficiency on getting to work. I can move through my morning and get underway more quickly so I can take advantage of my morning clarity. By afternoon, I'm fried. Just am. The earlier arrival and more alert start also allows me some me time during the day. I can pause and read a chapter in a book at lunch. I can pause for a little brain break. This, too seems to make me more relaxed. I hope that continues. I like it.
Yeah...I'm not that perky. But I am awake and mildly upbeat about it.
The last small change I've made is to compliment at least one person a day. A genuine compliment, not something frivolous. It changes your outlook when you look for the goodness in others. I continue to send out the good news notes on my students. I see kids in the hallway and compliment their new duds from the holidays. I compliment if they help someone or pick up garbage. I complimented my friend's strength. Seriously. She is training for a marathon. That's wicked strength right there.
She's totally got this.
Honestly, it's just the first week. Is any of this sustainable? I hope so. I'd really like to get conversational in Spanish so I'm not that stereotypical can't speak another language American. I like being able to take a little more time to chill at work so I am not a big stress ball. I like my mantra. I like that my first impulse is to look for goodness. Please, oh please 2018, let's work together so at the end of this year I'm not so eager to say good riddance to you.
Dang, Moose! When you move forward, you don't mess around!
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