Weird Thoughts by Chronic Ilness

When you've got one or more chronic conditions, it's tough to keep a sense of humor about it. At times though, you realize that your thoughts are not like other people's thoughts due to your illnesses. That's when you start to chuckle at the absurdity of circumstances in your life. I give you random thoughts brought to you by my illnesses.

Are you trying to kiss me, Goat? Now that is absurd.

Sjogren's:
I wonder if these come in vaginal formula. 
My Xylimelts arrived this week. They work amazingly well. As I marveled one night at their efficacy, I began to think how wonderful it would be if they came in a formula for nasal passages. Then I began wondering how they'd work for a vagina. C'mon! If they can mimic saliva and make a tablet to stick to your molars, they can make a vaginal insert to keep things lubricated.

Wow. I wonder how long it took him to learn how to do that.

Migraines:
Did someone puke in here?  That's definitely vomit.
I was sitting at our tax appointment a few weeks back, and I kept smelling vomit. It was awful. Truly. It was nauseating to me, which made it all the worse. When we left, I asked my husband if he had smelled it. He had not. I did get a migraine a bit later that day though. Consequently, that vomit was part of my pre-pain fun. It also comes in dog poo and secondhand smoke varieties. Nothing like playing "Pile of puke or migraine? You make the call."

He must've gotten it right.

Von Willebrand's:
Can I wear something that shows my legs or will someone think I'm a victim of domestic violence?(That really happened a few years back. No lie.) This week it was actually warm enough to wear a knee-length dress that showed off my paler than pale legs. Before I left the house I thought I should check my current bruise situation. Sure enough, I had a lovely purple one on the back of my right leg that looked like I'd been thwacked with a croquet mallet. I had other smaller ones as well, but that purple one was something to behold. It kinda matched the dress actually. No idea what happened to create such a piece of bruised glory, but there it was for all to see.

Run over by guinea pigs is one theory, but I think I'd remember that.

Fibromyalgia:
Please gods don't let him/her hug me. Pleaseohpleaseohplease. Shit!
When my fibro is being pissy, I dread hugging. People I know are really into hugging. A friend of mine even got into a bit of a huff with me over the whole social hugging thing when I expressed my dislike of hugging especially with people I am not overly familiar with. Apparently my social boundaries and fibro pains should be less of a consideration than someone I don't know wanting to throw their arms around me. This was before people talked about body autonomy. It's fun to be hugging someone while all the while you are screaming in your head, "For the love of all that is sacred stop  hugging me!"

What? It should be a thing. 

Lupus:
Is that what they mean by "frothy" or is that just toilet cleaner solution?
Frothy urine is a sign of kidney complications in lupus folk. I've since determined that at work in the morning, it is indeed the custodian's cleaner that makes urine frothy before the toilet gets flushed a few dozen times. I know around the house when it's toilet cleaner, but in a public bathroom it's always a consideration that just makes you ponder the pee in the bowl way more than you ordinarily would.

Well, that's never happened. But I'm fairly certain it's not lupus related.

Anxiety:
Do I actually feel better?
This thought is absurd, but not funny. It's actually a bit terrifying because if you think you feel better and go do something, will you then feel awful and pay for it later? Do you stay home because you surely can't feel better and that other shoe is just waiting to drop? When hope breeds anxiety, you've reached a whole new level of absurdity.

Oh Ross! I'd always keep an appointment with you. Have no fear.

I'm sure these aren't the only random and ridiculous thoughts that my conditions will visit upon me. There will be more that are as equally odd as this list in my future I'm sure. For now though, I am going to risk going to a shindig at the dance studio this afternoon. I may even show off my bruises and hug someone.

 You're right, Moose. Let's not get carried away.