What a Piece of *$#* Is Man Sometimes

What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me—
nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.

If you don't know, that passage is from Hamlet. It's one of my favorite moments where Hamlet ponders the unbelievable nobility and grace of humanity. Despite his awe though, he is not moved by what he sees. I've had a few days to ponder humanity myself. On the one hand, humanity is truly amazing. On the other, humanity is hopelessly bereft of anything but cruelty. This befuddling duality of humanity has been on my mind.

Last week, I had occasion to spend a few days in a tree house cabin with some friends of mine. This gathering was a pre wedding retreat for a friend. Unfortunately, my body decided this was the perfect time to succumb to a nasty cold. My husband also received some distressing news on the day that our little hen party was to begin. During the four day retreat, I received some of the most compassionate and kind acts. My friends knew I was ill and they got me some medicine to help my cough and congestion. They knew I was in a bit of shock and worry about my husband's news and took measures to help me relax and take care of myself. They listened, helped me laugh, and supported me the whole weekend without me ever needing to ask. This is what friends do for one another. They not only looked out for me and did not razz me about coughing all night long (although I am sure it must've been awful sleeping for some of them), they did the same for each other when little quandaries popped up. In this small group of women, I was able to observe laughter and merriment and support that exemplified how humanity can indeed be angelic and beautiful among the Earth's creatures.

Conversely, I also experienced the other side of "this quintessence of dust" that definitely did not delight me. As those of you who have been reading know I have been struggling with changing jobs and trying to maintain happiness even when the bastards try to keep me down. Just before this tree house trip I got an invitation to interview for a part time job via my free lance site. I sent an inquiry for more information and was excited that this person thought I'd be perfect for the job. I let her know that I had some non-negotiable time off for vacations and weddings and she seemed fine. I even told her that come fall, my time would be somewhat more limited, so answering her messages during certain times of the day might be difficult. She wasn't worried. I eagerly awaited my first job assignment when I returned from my tree house adventure. 

As I understood it, my job was to cover making travel arrangements for her, responding to messages for her when she was away, scheduling, and at times purchasing needed items and shipping them to charities like orphanages. I didn't think much of it because it promised $400 a week, which would build up nicely toward purchasing our own medical insurance, a down payment on a new truck for my husband, and it would alleviate some financial burden about paying my student loan. Awesome right? Well, my first job assignment shows up two days late and it is a check for just under $2000. Right away, I am surprised and a bit confused. I was expecting directions and new employee paperwork and a task assignment list. I email my new boss and she says that since the shopping list for this orphanage is so large, shipping all the supplies would be difficult and that she had "reached an accord" with the director of the facility who would buy the items herself. All I needed to do was deposit, wait, and then Money Gram the money less my weekly salary to this person. Sound fishy? It did to me and to my husband as well. It sounded gloriously easy mind you, but it also made me a little apprehensive. Consequently, we did some Googling and found a check fraud scam from a few years ago that hit Craigslist. Same M.O. and almost identical circumstances. I was crushed. Not only would this put the skids on some of our plans, but it meant someone was using my freelance site for nefarious purposes. It also meant that someone (probably a lot of someones) is out there preying on people who are trying to find work and earn a living, but who will end up committing fraud and being held accountable for all the money he or she transferred unknowingly. Thankfully, I had done nothing with the money. 

Humanity can be noble and admirable in its infinite faculty. It can also be cruel, predatory, and awful. Trying to keep believing in the innate goodness of humanity is damned difficult when you experience the other side of humanity. For now, I am eternally thankful for the wonderful women with whom I had the delight of spending a few days in a tree house eating good food, playing ladder ball in tacky formal wear, and going to the hot springs. They do delight me greatly as they are all strong, capable women of integrity and compassion. For this other woman who tried and failed to take advantage of me, I say:

fivefullplates.com

Free Time

What a lovely weekend.
Due to a hiccup in the flow of posted assignments, my article writing took a hiatus this weekend. I suddenly found myself with all this unobstructed free time. I could spend my weekend unencumbered by deadlines and AP style.
I met with a friend for coffee to start things off. I finally got to bike on Sat. since the weather decided to stop the rain long enough to have some sunshine. So I biked downtown for coffee with a friend. I was treated to the sound of many a person out grooming their lawn. Many kids out running around enjoying a preview of summer to come. It was a delightful venture on my bike just enjoying the lovely warmth and outside recreation of a sunny June day. I was also quite thrilled to find the coffeehouse put in a funky little bike rack which is of course shaped like a coffee mug. I thought I'd have to hunt for a rack, but nope! There was one right outside the shop's window. Way cool.
I spent a lovely couple of hours getting caught up with my friend. We haven't actually seen each other in months. She's been occupied. I've been occupied. We've been on opposite frequencies. For two delightful hours though, we chatted and enjoyed one another's company. It was sublime.
Then I biked myself home and my hubby and I decided to go have lunch. Lunch could have been better, but just sharing a meal out with my honey was delightful. After stuffing ourselves, we went and met a newborn baby.
Some friends of ours just had their first baby. She's a delight. Of course, she slept most of the time we were there, but oh my goodness is she cute. She's tiny and her chin is kinda sucked in like an old man who is missing his dentures. That's how her mother describes it and I have to agree it is an apt description. She's also a new member of the crooked pinky club. This wee one is lovely. Our good friends are her grandparents and their boy whom we have known since he was 11 or 12 is the daddy. It's a little surreal. I was fine until we got up to leave and I hugged this young man. It just brought tears to my eyes to think of this young person whom I have known so long being a father. It's humbling and he and his wife have so much love for this baby it's palpable. Pure joy.
Last night my hubby and I started a Netflix series. Have you watched Hemlock Grove? It's very melodramatic, but I'm intrigued so I am sure we will continue. It is rather soap opera-ish at moments, but I do so love Lili Taylor I can't help but watch. It's got a slight Twin Peaks season one feel to it.
Today, there still were no assignments available so I made some editing corrections for another article and spent the rest of the day as I saw fit. I would have loved to be in the garden, but yesterday was too muddy and today it was back to rain. Not that I am complaining because we really do need the rain, but a little yard time would have been nice.
So I gamed instead. I did.  A lot.  It was great. I did my usual morning routine of reading a bunch of articles about the state of the world as it is, but then I got to obliterate some demons with my monk. She's totally a badass.
I took a break to go have a bedlah set fitting. Our belly dance costumer got her order in from Turkey and she was afraid the set I ordered would not fit. Luckily though not only did my green set fit, it has a peacock color to the sequins which is fantastic. Not only did the green one work, but the wine colored one did, too! Huzzah!
Now the weekend draws to a close and I am content. How wonderful free time is. I had forgotten.

3 weeks gone

Nope-haven't fallen off the planet yet. I've just kept myself insanely busy with my jobs. My essay tutor job is on hiatus until summer break. I could pick up shifts, but I don't want to just yet. I will though. I got my evaluation for this semester and it was quite positive. A lot of growth apparently, so I don't want to get too rusty before my regular summer shift picks up in July.

funnyjunk.com

I'm the best!

My article writing gig gives me a great boost. I get paid precisely squat mind you, but I have built up enough of a nest egg to buy my own gaming computer. I will also be getting the latest MS Office for my work mind you, but this summer my hubby and I can game together or separately, which is beyond awesome. I have achieved Inferno level in Diablo III with my monk, so I need a serious machine to reflect my prowess. Not really, but the laptop I've had for seven years is taking far more upkeep and its MS Office is simply not prepared for the gauntlet I shall throw down this summer.

thomasumstattud.com

I'll use it for work, too. Geez.

A new computer will also open up the voice over work I've been toying with for a year. My excuse not to explore this avenue has been the lack of adequate technology. This upgrade will remove my excuses and hopefully propel me into yet another money making possibility. I know; I'm too busy already, but my regular gig ends in two weeks, so summer is mine to explore new opportunities.

crazy4teachers.com

Nope--not gonna do it!

Why do I do all of this? Because it has become abundantly clear to me that I cannot speak of my regular gig without ranting. One must choose the rant audience wisely. It's not like I am George Carlin, a master of the rant in my opinion, and people will pay to listen to me rant. In fact, most of the time I am apparently considered unflappable. No, really. Those are someone else's words not mine.Therefore, when I rant, it tends to make people nervous. Consequently, I must be highly selective about who I rant to. So far I have squarely one person to rant to. Thankfully he loves me too much to have me committed just yet.

panicked-chick.blogspot.com

It's a wonder he hasn't. Really.

A close friend asked me about my job last weekend. I started to discuss it. I had every intention of being calm and logical. My Goat was prepared to thoughtfully engage the topic, but then I could feel this ball of frustration churning in my gut as I tried to explain about how it is May and I still don't have all of my supplies. These are supplies that are required for the job I do at the command of my bosses and they are materials that I can't just pop over to Walmartia and grab. They are pricey and must be ordered through the head office.
They haven't been because the grant ran out and there's no more money.
It's also copyrighted material so I cannot make photocopies.
Like I said, churning in my belly.

cartoonstock.com

I hate how it feels.

Then my mom asked me about work Friday night. Mind you, she used to do this job. She did it for 30 years. She got out at the right time. Anyway, she asked me and again, the rant began to build. Since I was with family and I had a little shiraz in me, I let fly the angst. Oops. Wrong audience. I think I shocked her. I did however make it plain that I have every intention of leaving this profession. My sister has left the profession. She is a librarian now and she believes strongly that she wouldn't have been able to retire if she had not moved to the library.
I don't want to be a librarian.

cartoonstock.com

Totally me in the library.

I also don't want to have this overwhelming boiling point of rantiness every time someone innocently asks me about my job. It saddens me beyond belief, yet I know that there does not appear to be another road for me. The one I've been on for twelve years seems to be at an end.
Interestingly, when someone asks about my side gigs that pay squat, I beam. I don't care that for an article I typically get less than minimum wage. I love it. I research topics and then I get to write my perspective on the topic given a 2-3 word focus from the client. I wrote articles on everything from freezing vodka to bigfoot to why soap is a base not an acid this week. It totally rocks! It just pays exactly nothing compared to my regular job. I'm sure there's a writing union out there somewhere that I can join and get medical coverage like actors have. Freelance writers have to have insurance, right? Insurance is my next big hurdle to freedom. Must find a way to maintain medical coverage after I leave my profession.

cartoonstock.com

That would be about it.

If you are still looking for the point to all of this, it is the rant is an artform. You must choose your audience wisely. You cannot simply rant to anyone and I do not feel free to rant online via social media. I cannot rant to my bosses in any way shape or form. They get wacky notions that making me spend the day with a different age population will solve everything.
They are wrong.
I love a good rant. I enjoy watching Carlin and other comedians just go to town with their righteous indignation. They can make us laugh with their brutal honesty. Rants come from a place of passion. When we care so deeply about a topic or a situation, we get personally involved and it becomes who we are. It is one way we define ourselves. Unfortunately, there will always be someone who tries to take that from you. They will make changes to things. They will make commandments. They will not listen. They will not offer useful counsel. When these become the norm, then the rant bubbles over. When you can no longer suffer your own rant, it's time to break free and find that happiness again no matter how heartbreaking or devastating the consequence.
I will grieve what I lose, but I will celebrate what I gain.

nabz-iran.com

Copy to be written later.

Great Rite Indeed

I love Beltane. I love any holiday that celebrates love and sex as the beautiful, honest and amazing expression of nature that it is. Sex has this tendency to make people uncomfortable and weird. I admit, I had hang ups about sex, too. I still do not understand some elements of what gets people in the mood. Just watch TLC's {strange} SEX some time if you don't know what I mean. It's not for me to get and that isn't the point anyway.
The point being that Beltane freed me from some of those hang ups. It helped me to see sexuality as something to be honored and explored and respected. I find that a far healthier understanding of sex than telling a teenager that he or she should not masturbate because it is a sin. If that's true--if it's a sin--then animals like monkeys and dolphins are sinful creatures doomed to hell. Satan can open a zoo for the world's sinful masturbators and they can all sit around getting off together. Quite the image right? Makes no sense to me whatsoever.
What does make sense to me is the fact that humans like sex. It feels good. It makes us all warm and tingly in  really exciting places. It is a basic drive that we share with the living world around us. It doesn't matter what kind of sex you are into. I don't think so anyway provided that no one is harmed. If the parties involved are consenting adults, it's not my business who wants to get busy with whom and how they get the deed done is even less of my business.
I may not understand everyone's sex drive, but I can say to each his or her own path on this one. I think what is important is not being ashamed about sex. Too many people feel shame for their sex life or choices whether due to religion, family or other psychological issue. I know I did for a long time. Between religion and being coerced into sex acts before I understood what they were, I had some stuff to clean out of my psyche. I found my boundaries on sex, too. I'm not all open and out there indulging with no limits; privacy and decorum I think are valuable. However, I am much more expressive and accepting of my libido. I can see the sexual side of myself as something beautiful, sacred, and holy rather than sinful, dirty and offensive.
Studying paganism brought me that understanding. Finding the true intention of Beltane helped me heal. It helped me accept. It helped me.
Merry Beltane wishes.

Two join as one,

The moon and the sun.

On this night,

Of Beltane delight,

One in spirit,

One in body.

Merry be the union.

Blessed be the rite.

Top 10 Signs I Am a Workaholic

10. I neglect my blog for more than a week despite two half done blog postings and several ideas for postings running around in my head.

john-adcock@blogspot.com

Really. I have a couple that I just haven't finished.

9.  I realize at 3pm that I haven't had anything but coffee...and I want more coffee.

pilateslogic.com

If only it was like that.

8. My cats follow me around the house and Poof gets nominated to give the Big Eyes of Guilt until I stop what I am doing and play for a while.

condenaststore.com

I just thought this cartoon was clever. That is all.

7. I stay in my robe all day long on Sunday because I work from my sofa and what's the point in getting dressed if I am not going out.

everydaypeoplecartoons.com

Dude. What's the point? Seriously?

6.  Instead of going to see how my friends are doing, I email.

christian-maurer@blogspot.com

Really. Live in the same town, have a mode of transportation, but then there's email which saves that whole finding a bra thing.

5. It took me almost two weeks to finish a book...and it wasn't even 350 pages.

hartlandhighschool.us

I got this. I can totally own this novel with one more pass.

4.  I've stayed inside on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in spring.

thepoliticalcarnival.net

It's spring and there's no snow. Why am I not digging in the dirt?

3. I know I have a dance performance for class and I am just too stinking tired to prepare.

blackunigryphon.deviantart.com

I don't even have a song chosen. Oy!

2. I have an old tube sock full of rice around my neck or on my lower back at all times in the house.

saturnphoenix.deviantart.com

It wards off Zorak. "I am the Lone Locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky.."~Zorak

1. I look forward to the weekend because of all that free time I can spend working my side jobs.

readwrite.com

At least one of the jobs is at an end for a few weeks. *Whew

onlinedatingmagazine.com

Love you, Babe!

I'm Not Ashamed to Admit This

I want the John Denver tribute album.
If you don't know, John Denver is awesome. I grew up in the late 70's early 80's and John Denver was popular. Some people apparently think he's too vanilla, but guess what? Vanilla is still the most popular ice cream flavor. So...

abcs-of-art.blogspot.com

Anyway, when I think of John Denver I remember being a kid. My sister and I would ride in the camper on back of the old black and white Ford when the family went camping. We'd be back there with our beagle, Pumpkin, and we'd crank the portable 8 track player. That's right. 8 track baby. We'd pop in John Denver's Greatest Hits and we'd sing at the top of our lungs. We loved that 8 track. How could you not? This song was one we'd take turns and then we'd harmonize. It was wonderful.

Neither of us had ever been to West Virginia, but we could see it when we sang.

I think John Denver captured what I always felt about being in the woods and away from the city. This song in particular just sends me to my happy place:

The serenity of this song still makes me immediately at peace.

Why John Denver? Well this weekend I heard a story on NPR. Dave Matthews, another of my favorites, participated in the tribute album project and NPR interviewed him. You can listen here. As I listened to the interview, I kept smiling and thinking back to all those memories. It's been years since I intentionally listened to a song of his, but I can still sing along-or cry along as is the case with this one:

Seriously, it makes me weep. It is so beautiful

He could also just make you happy. I can't tell you the number of times I danced around the living room to this song:

This just wants you to swing your partner round and round while you stomp your feet in rhythm to the beat.

How can you not respect a man who appears on The Muppets?

I can not even tell you how my little kindegarten self sqealed in delight when John Denver hosted.

I have so many fond memories of John Denver and his music. He and his music are part of my childhood and its happy innocence.  I love that even today I can sway to the lyrical melody or hoedown to the fiddle. At this point I really don't care if it's "cool" to like John Denver. Listen to the NPR interview to get that reference. I like him. I always have. His music matched the inspiration and joy I felt as a young person running through the forest and the wildflowers of Montana.  This song is about Colorado, but we have Rockies here, too.

How can you not just smile?

May the Geek be with You

Sorry for my absence, gentle readers.  I have no excuse other than I have been very busy writing essay reviews and articles.  I’ve been writing so much that frankly, once I am done writing those two items, the last thing I want to do is write more.  My eyes can take only so much textual gandering a day and eventually I just need a break.  On the upside, the two bonus jobs have been going well. 

wildliferanger.co.uk

Yup.  That about sums it up right there.

They changed the rules on me with the essay reviews and now I have some work to do to get back on track with my compliance there.  Luckily, the new critique style will not go in my permanent file, but it was enlightening to see the new rules.  I also continue to get minimal revisions back from my editor.  My revisions were itty-bitty for most of them.  Minute details like change smart quotations to straight quotations or change italics to quotations and the like.  I did have a wee bit more overhaul action for my article on Windows Live.  Honestly, I can’t stand writing about troubleshooting computer problems.  It’s terrible boring.  This past week I got to write about weight loss and calorie counting, which was less mind-numbing and faster to create the articles. Much easier.  I could get those babies done in 30-45 minutes.

toonzone.net

I think he found the droids he was looking for.

Yesterday, after crunching through the last of my articles, I finally had some much needed free time.  I sat and reread a Stephanie Plum novel.  I really enjoy Janet Evanovich’s Plum series. My sister introduced me to them and if you have not read her stuff, you should check it out.  Fast reads.  I can plow through one of her books in an afternoon.  The repetition of how Stephanie comes to be a bond enforcement agent can get tedious for someone who reads all of the series, but it is needed in case you read Ten Big Ones and then read the rest of the novels I suppose.  It was fun to go back to the beginning and reread the very first novel. 

condenaststore.com

It was inevitable.

After that, I had some time to release my Geek.  The new computer that my husband built is phenomenal.  I love it.  It flies at record speed to download from the net.  Its best use though is for geeking.  I finally get to play Diablo III.  My hubby got it for my birthday last year and I just now get to play.  My monk toon rocks.  I kind of flew through normal mode without much difficulty.  I think I died three times maybe.  I’ve died way more than that in nightmare mode and I’m not even through act 2 of the game.  It’s difficult to explain to people why I love playing Diablo or World of Warcraft if they don’t play.  There is something deeply satisfying about annihilating demons and zombies and sorceresses in the quest for achievements and rewards.  Pavlov would love to watch people geek to these games. Who needs a bell and kibble when you can get a two socketed pair of rare pants that adds over a thousand life to your toon just by slaying a mid-level boss?  So yes, I have spent a lot of free time rolling through New Tristram with my monk, Tigerlilly.  She’s hardcore.

She's hot right? Hardcore hot!

 

Once I get her through nightmare mode, it’s on to hell mode.  After that, I think it’ll be closer to summer, so I can go back into WoW and see how Lupie, my frost mage, is doing.  I think WoW will need to wait for summer.  I have so much to catch up on in that game that it’ll take awhile to get back on track.  Besides, I like to run with my hubby’s toon and we can’t both game just yet.  We need to do something about the laptop in order to do that.  Maybe we could just replace the motherboard in the old desktop and get a new monitor for it…Maybe I should ask for Amazon cards to do that.  I swear I won’t disappear from the blogosphere.  I may just get shorter or less frequent with my postings…seriously.  Laying out a host of demons with one ring of my bell of doom feels really good some days.  Seriously.  Really good.

toonpool.com
I can still play Diablo III without thumbs.