Am I Witch Enough?

Am I witch enough? This question occurred to me yesterday as I sat with some lovely women discussing a potential Summer Solstice community celebration. We have a rough idea of what we want to do and plan of where to start and it all seems exciting. Except, after the initial meeting, I stayed around and listened to the discussion. As I listened, I realized that perhaps I am not witch enough for this group, or any coven/group for that matter.

That's right, Goat. I'm totally cool just doing the solo thing.

You see, I consider myself more atheist than Wiccan. I think of myself as more Pagan than Wiccan. If I feel the need for a ritual, I'll hold one. However, I'm really not that bogged down in dogma or tradition or much of anything really. I've kind of spent my time in the Wiccan community building my own spiritual path and cultivating my own needs and beliefs. What I've found is a total disbelief in any kind of deity. I have discovered a tremendous respect for the earth and its creatures as well as its landscapes. I believe science has the best possible answers to all of our mysteries of life and I feel no need to ascribe any of the natural world to a deity or hand of God/Goddess. Many would say this takes me out of the Wiccan realm altogether. As I listened yesterday, I realized that in this group, I also didn't have the right to lay claim to being a witch; as if it was some sort of new invention in need of a patent or something.

Um, no. I'm still pretty much with the whole pacifist thing.

Apparently the debate of witch versus Wiccan goes beyond whether Wiccans should accept or be insulted by the term witch. Some people are offended at the insinuation of being called witch rather than Wiccan. When I first heard of this debate, I considered as I do most things: rolling it over in my mind and meditating on it. I concluded that it didn't really matter which term you preferred, as long as you know why you chose the one you did. I don't care if people call me a witch, a Wiccan, a pagan, or a heathen for that matter, but these ladies take their wording seriously.

Oh my. If any of them looked at me this way, I'd run and hide in a salt circle.

My friend who is a women's studies scholar and Medicine Woman and true practitioner of the Craft seems to see a distinct line separating the two. One is heritage. She comes from a long line of Celtic tradition I believe and it is part of her ancestral blood. She also sees her working of magic (she may prefer magick, but I don't know) as legitimate and effective from what I've gathered. When we were discussing the Litha ritual plan, one asked if we should have a male participation. I thought that'd be great since it is the celebration of the sun's zenith of power. However, she shot this down without equivocation. I was a little taken aback. At one point, there was a remark made that those "baby Wiccans" should just leave and let the one's who practice the craft handle things. I sat back a bit and wondered if I was with the right group. There were males at our January full moon gathering. Why shouldn't one be included here and excuse me? Did you just call me a "baby Wiccan"?

Dafuq?

I was inclined to stop talking at all and really listen to what was being said. I felt at once on the defense and also a bit confused. No men in the circle. The comment made referred to how this has to be very female strong. Now I believe wholeheartedly in the women strong idea, but excluding anybody seems like something I'm just not down with. I left Catholicism because it was so oppressive of females and those in the LGBTQ community that I couldn't in good conscience stay.  To limit our participation based on gender seemed immediately wrong. If we were inviting the community to participate and witness and learn about our practice, then why would we exclude men? What about transgendered individuals? I know my friend is sympathetic to the trans community because of her step child. But does that not play into the ritual circle? Maybe their version of witchcraft was indeed different from mine. Different enough to be an issue? Perhaps.

Serenity now!

Prior to hearing all of this, I agreed to be the element of air in the circle. My theater voice and presence will really be an asset to the ceremony I suppose. I can get behind the elements since they are to be experienced and perceived. I know air exists and allows for untold inhabitants of the Earth to live.

 

Just because I know it exists doesn't mean it will do anything for me in or out of a sacred circle.

However, I feel a bit of a fraud. I don't have an ancestral claim to witchcraft, and I don't have a certificate or anything that shows my official status as a Wiccan; I never went through a coven training. I'm completely self-taught thanks to Scott Cunningham. I've thought and meditated and practiced so much that I've concluded that on a sabbat I can just be mindful of the day. I can eat certain foods if I want to call up the significance of the day. I can sit in the forest or along a lake or on my porch and read about the sabbat. I can light a candle or incense and let my mind wonder over all that I know about the day. I can bask in the moonlight or the sunlight (in full use of long sleeves, big hats, and zinc) or I can do nothing more than breathe deeply and recall that another notch on the wheel has turned. I suppose I'm fairly loosey-goosey about it. Maybe more so than any of them.
But it works for me. I can hold a circle and call upon the forces of nature and the elements of the earth and not invoke any God or Goddess or fairy or spirit. I don't think any of those are real, so why invoke a false construct?

Makes about as much as sense as doing that to a Big Mac.

Listening to them talk about their beliefs in the craft, I was not nodding along. I certainly was not accepting everything I heard. I was thinking quite critically about it all though. Who can truly claim the term of witch or Wiccan? I don't know. However, if I don't believe as they all seem to, then it feels somewhat wrong and maybe a little inappropriate to horn in on one of their rituals; especially one as deeply personal to their circle since it's the first public ritual they've ever done. Perhaps I should stick to the outside circle and let the inner circle perform their passion play. My atheistic paganism with Wiccan tendencies might not be witch enough.

That's right, Moose. Just collecting some wildflowers on Litha is enough for me.

Med Change Mayhem

One of the delightful aspects of living with any chronic condition is the constant vigilance of new medication. Sometimes, a med just stops working as well as it did. Sometimes a dosage needs a tweak. Sometimes you need something new altogether. It gets tedious, annoying, and disruptive to the nice little status quo you've worked hard to build. Yet, we persist and adjust.

I know, Goat. Even when we can't see the end of the tunnel, we keep going.

So it is and so it shall continue to be. Sometimes you get lucky and one aspect improves. Take my migraines for example. Taking amlodipine gave me two headache free months initially (two years ago). Of course it was the lowest dose possible since I don't actually have high blood pressure. Now I have gone up a notch on that to a point where they won't go any higher. This is consequence of my sudden increase in migraine symptoms especially the imbalance issues. I was so thankful for the amlodipine at first, I didn't want to admit that I needed something else. But I did finally cave and started the Topamax fiasco. I wrote about that unpleasantness in an earlier post. Thankfully, I no longer take that one. It didn't work at all. It made matters worse. When that happens, you really get discouraged. Then something glorious happens.

OK, Hiddles, not quite as glorious as hearing you say that phrase to me, but still pretty stinkin' glorious.

I finally got to see a neurologist who suggested Lamictal. Another seizure med that is also used to treat bi-polar disorder. Oh dear. I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught of awfulness. She assured me that I wouldn't likely have any of the same side effects of Topamax, but if I did, call immediately for a consult. OK, I'll try it and slowly climb up that 6 week dosage ladder to 100 mg twice a day. Guess what: I've experienced a sharp decrease in headaches. I've had only two this month compared to 16 days of 30 the month before.

I know Cumbercutie. I couldn't be more pleased.

 On the other hand, now that I've got a way to control the headache portion of migraines, I started Benlysta for my lupus. It has to be administered via infusion, which means going to the hospital every two weeks to start and then once a month thereafter. When I got there last week, they said I needed Tylenol to prevent/treat a potential fever, an antihistamine to address any allergic response like what you get with pollen, and a steroid to give me a boost. WTH? Fine, bring it on. Little did I know that the good feeling I had leaving the infusion center would not last. In fact, I'd get progressively worse over the next 24 hours.

 I know, Sam. That's how I feel right now. It makes me snarly.

I had the infusion on Thursday and by Friday night I started to hurt all over. When I woke Saturday, I felt like I couldn't possibly get going because the fatigue was so awful. I went to the store anyway. I'm stubborn like that. When I got back, I started making pies for Easter. It was a challenge. Then I took a shower. The water hurt when it touched my skin. My clothes felt tight and pained my hips. I couldn't stand to wear my bra anymore. Oh shit! It's fibromyalgia symptoms. 

Precisely, Sloth. I didn't want it either. It hadn't been that bad in a long time.

When Sunday rolled around, I barely got out of bed. I still hurt all over and even a hug from my loving husband hurt. He was gentle mind you, but holy crap! It'd been ages since hugs hurt that bad. I dragged myself through the morning because it was Easter and we were expected at the family gathering. I chose a nice, flowing outfit that didn't hurt when I put it on. I lathered up some zinc sunscreen. I took my meds and hoped for the best. I was stiff and sore, but I managed. When we got home, off came the clothes and I grabbed some more pain killers and muscle relaxants. 

Current mood.

Benlysta is supposed to be this wonderful medication that addresses the lupus fatigue and other symptoms. It has great reviews and a high success rate. I just hope like hell that I'm not in store for this days long agony every time. I do have a life to lead. However, as I sit here on my last day of spring break, I worry about whether I will manage to get through work tomorrow. My neck keeps threatening a spasm. My body aches. My hands are pained. My extremities are swollen from water retention. I didn't get nearly the stuff done over break that I had planned because I'm in such pain. I'm going to let my doctor know this is what happened after one treatment. I know she's going to say stick with it. I know that according to one small study, it took 6 months for the incidence of fibro symptoms in women to go from 40%+ to less than 15%. But it's no wonder that people with chronic conditions get anxious and depressed. This med change thing is exhausting and frustrating and I really am worried about school tomorrow. I may even have to back out of some fun activities I had planned. 

Easier said than done, Lady Mary.

So I sit here with my neck making turning my head exceedingly painful--it seems even angrier after using the TENS unit. Even my heating pad isn't enough. I've actually considered running the bed warmer we use in winter to make the bed toasty because hey! Full body heating pad amirite? My soft robe is barely tied around me so as not to cause pain. My cats are keeping me company on the futon (If anything, this experience has revealed how badly we really need a more comfortable sofa). My hands feel stiff and swollen so much that I keep moving my rings because they are so tight. At least after three cups of lemon water and some ibuprofen I can take them off again. I guess it's all part of the chronic illness ride. People who haven't experienced it just don't know. I'm loathe to talk about it to anyone but to my husband (he has his own auto-immune issues to deal with) and anywhere but on here. It helps to vent. Thanks for reading.

 

Yes, Moose. A nap sounds wonderful.

Memes and Me

My seniors are studying humor right now. We've been looking mostly at satire and parody. We've watched Saturday Night Live, we've read Onion articles, we've watched Michel Jackson's "Beat It" and Weird Al's "Eat It". We've also studied Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice as well as the Emma Thompson's adaption of Sense and Sensibility. Now, we're poised to read Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. We've had fun, and I hope they enjoy the book as much as I did. They're seniors. They've earned a little levity in their final quarter of high school. I know I still have a sense of humor despite my recent reaction to a stupid meme online.

 I know, Doctor. It's possible to just scroll on by, and yet...

I was annoyed. My friend, who I know has more conservative views than mine, commented, "Ha ha! Good one." Rationally, I know that memes are the lowest form of commentary and do not encourage thoughtful discourse. I know that to be vexed by a meme is ridiculous. I know it should roll off my back like so much spring snow water. But it took a while to calmly consider the stupid thing. Thing is, memes that attack liberal and conservative views really don't help anyone's position or cause. They often have simplistic terms and inaccuracies. I know these things, and yet I was pursing my lips and ready to assert my retort to that meme. 

Yes, Goat. I know. You're right as always. Let it be and move on.

Instead of reacting, I went and got myself some more coffee. I made a grocery list. I started some laundry. All good things to distract my attention away from the hideous meme that completely misrepresents liberals and the concept of pro choice. As I was busily scrubbing the kitchen counter, I thought about a scene in "Game of Thrones" that we had watched recently. Arya was watching a group of players perform a crude satire of the previous seasons of the show. They had Cersei and Joffrey and Tyrion all made to look like caricatures rather than the real people they are on the show. Tons of fart jokes, too. The dramatized version was of course pointing out their foibles and their vices and holding a mirror up to nature in an exaggerated comedic way. Arya was laughing right along with the portrayals of Lannisters, but when the character representing her father as a bumbling buffoon came out, her smile dropped and she was sullen and uncomfortable. The play was fine until it got too close to home.

Yes, Rachel, I get it. The joke's on me.

BTW, even your caricature looks intelligent.

If one were to draw parallels, the GoT episode showed early satire. Sometimes, we are too close to the subject to find the humor right away. Sometimes we never do. However, taking time to process and think through before reacting and attacking, is probably a good thing. I suppose the fact that I can take down every aspect of that silly meme that misrepresents what I consider my defining beliefs and social consciousness is largely irrelevant. I suppose I can see why someone who doesn't agree with me might point out those things they see as inconsistency or as they might see it, ironic contradictions in the liberal viewpoints. However, it's so ridiculous and completely misses the mark of pointing out the criticisms that it's not even good satire. Humor is best when it rings with truth. Since this meme doesn't really ring true, it's not that funny. Geez, if this is the way conservatives really see liberals, then we've got even a longer road to journey toward working together than I thought. What was the meme that so got me thinking and cleaning with a passion? I'm glad you asked.

No, really. That's it. I'm sure someone could satirize my reaction far better than this meme satirizes liberals.

Now, let's just acknowledge the fact that liberals are not against choice on any of these points. Liberals still believe in self-determination and a person's right to send a kid to a private school or to own a handgun or trade with reasonable countries or to select the right healthcare and energy and smoking (although really, why would you want to still?) and to decline membership in a union and light bulbs (WTF on that one actually) and plastic bags and shopping at Walmart and eating food that is bad for you or genetically modified in some way. 

Yes! So do I. 

However, when that choice means taking public funds away from public schools, no. That's not right and it undermines the point of public education especially since outcomes have yet to prove any of the school choice claims out there. What they do do is reinforce segregation. Guns? Have one; go for it! However, know that gun ownership in my state is associated with our outrageous suicide rate. Easier access means effective suicide methods. Who needs military grade weapons anyway? Liberals aren't for outlawing all guns, but sensible restrictions are absolutely important. Healthcare is a human right and having healthcare for everyone makes us a better society and it keeps the insurance companies honest. You don't want health insurance, don't buy it. However, realize that the more people who do reduce the costs everyone. Energy? Well if we're talking freedom of choice in energy then let's talk about energy companies who try and keep citizens from using solar energy for their home or windmills to power their home or collect rain water to get off the city water systems. But no. Utility companies don't like people being independent and reducing dependence on their product. Gotta keep that bottom line turning a profit. Smoking? Well, honestly. I quit that as have many people and I don't know too many people who miss going into a restaurant having to cough through the tobacco plumes in order to eat a meal or have a pint with their chums. Really? This is about as weak a point as light bulbs FFS. As for unions, well nobody forces you into a union. Workplaces vote on unions. And if you don't want to be in the union, don't! However, don't expect the benefits of the union without paying into it. Furthermore, can we all just recognize the good that unions have done? Eliminating child labor and improving safe working conditions and the weekend? No? Did you forget those? Then there are plastic bags. Well, I am still working on this. I do recycle all the bags that my husband brings home because he hasn't gotten int the habit of reusable bags the way I have. However, if people would also take a look at that enormous pile of floating plastic that is in the Pacific Ocean right now, maybe they'd change their tune. Maybe if they'd look inside the stomachs of sea creatures and see the death toll that our convenience is taking on the animals of the earth that we are supposed to be stewards for, maybe they'd change their tune. As an English major, I have to wonder who our Dickens will be. We need some strong literary figures to provide a narrative that points out the foibles of our consumption and greed. Do I shop at Walmart? Maybe twice a year. Our big camping trip once a year, yes. I can get all of our camping needs in one place. If we had a Target that had a grocery department, I'd gladly shop there. But we don't. I think Walmart represents what is worst in our consumer and labor practices. As for food: WTH? No one is saying to stop eating what you want. All we're saying is think before you eat. All we want is to hold the companies accountable since they have proven to put us at risk in the past. Saccharin anyone? Have any of these people seen the conditions in some large scale livestock yards? Have they looked at the process of how their food ends up in the grocery store? Some of the practices are appalling and unethical. But I suppose no one wants to look that closely at things. No one wants to admit the awful practices and effect humans have wrought on the creatures and the earth.

 

But ya know? Let's just reduce it to a catchy little cartoon that completely misrepresents the opposite viewpoints. 

Of course, one just has to wonder what would happen if the tables were turned. Conservatives are pro life until that baby is born and his/her mom needs food stamps to survive or that refugee needs shelter or that soldier has to go into combat to protect an industry like oil that is outdated and unsustainable. Conservatives are pro gun until that means granting a weapon to someone of Arabic descent. Even those with mental instability can now get guns, but someone with brown skin better not look sideways. Freedom of choice is great until you're a woman who needs birth control to manage heavy bleeding and your employer says that their freedom of religion is more important than your freedom to manage your health. Freedom of religion is for everyone until you're a Muslim who wants to open a Mosque. They're fiscally responsible until they want to build a wall to keep those pesky Mexicans out never mind the fact that it won't work!

You and me both, Snoopy.

But these oversimplify and divide the the participants. These arguments aren't funny and shouldn't be reduced to a meme. But this is where we are right now. I know what I know. They know what they know. Memes just don't cover it all. I have to hope that my friends who read them don't really think that about me just because I am a liberal. I have to try not to think in those terms about them. If anything, I can laugh at myself and my reaction to such a ridicules thing. Somehow though, we have to find a way through this without alienating and exacerbating the problems we already have. 

Here's hoping, Moose. 

The Fatigue of It All

This week has felt like one big waking dream. I wake up feeling like I need more sleep. Sleep and  then dread the moment I wake. I can't shake the awareness that no matter how many hours I sleep, it won't be enough to get me back on center. Welcome to the wonderful world of fatigue.

Goats know it's not just a matter of sleep.

It's tough to put into words just how much fatigue blows. It's waking up and thinking, "Shit! I have to wake up now? That couldn't possibly have been 7 hours. Surely my alarm clock is mistaken." Of course, it's fatigue, so your conversation with yourself is really more like, "What? Fuck. No *snrzzbabblesnork." Your thoughts are definitely not coherent. It's good that I'm the only human awake at first in the house. No actual dialogue required because I can't think clearly let alone formulate words into meaningful phrases. 

I'm sure these sea lions have deeper conversations.

Fatigue requires that you pull your ass out of bed even though everything else in your body fights for you to stay right where you are. You know you have to feed the cats. You know you have to make the coffee. You know you must do your yoga, your work out, your meditation, yet you don't know how you can possibly manage it all. It's simply overwhelming. Your morning routine is only beginning and you feel like it's the most arduous thing you've ever attempted. It's like facing Mount Everest with nothing but a stadium blanket and handful of fruit snacks. You are so completely unprepared you feel like it's not even possible to begin the day let alone muster the will to go to work. 

Indeed, poor owl: there's still 8 hours of work to get through.

Yup. Once you actually manage to dress yourself between your dry, unfocused eyes and fumbling, swollen hands, you have to then go out that door and drive to work. You know what all needs doing that day and you drive to work despite the helpless feeling that it'll be an eternity until the warmth of the bed envelops you again. You just hope that whatever the day throws at you, you will find some way to be alert, articulate, and accomplished. But you know there's a high likelihood that at least some of your to-do list will be moved to tomorrow's list. You haven't even begun, yet you know something won't be got to. Maybe many somethings. But there you are. Driving to work anyway.

Dude, I wish I had your energy and determination. Also, I admire the fashion choice.

Once you're at work, you settle in for the day. You feel somewhat disconnected and please, oh please don't let anyone have a crisis. Please don't ask me any questions I haven't already prepared an answer to. I couldn't possibly be expected to formulate lucid thinking for any thoughtful or insightful discourse.  Just don't even try.

Yup, that's about it, Dean. I knew you'd understand.

During that last half hour of work, your mind has jellified. You've given up trying to be productive. You know that in less than an hour, you will be home. You can shed your workplace veneer. That shield you need to get through the day even though you feel so completely fogged you can't believe no one notices. But they don't. You've gotten that good at faking it. Now though, you just want to take off that bra, put on your robe, and do something mindless like Netflix or kill demons in Diablo. Just don't make you be around people or talk or think or anything of any merit really. Just. Let. You. Be.

Nope. Move along. Nothing to see here. Just sleeping.

Once you reach the safety of home once again, you get comfy. Maybe you pull a beer from the fridge, maybe you make yourself some tea. Whatever beverage you choose, you breathe a mighty sigh that you've made it through another day. You rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher before you sit down because you know you won't be getting up once you finally crash on the sofa. You've already set your clothes out over the weekend so you wouldn't have to make such decisions during the week. Your spouse is bringing home groceries and is making dinner because that's what he does. He loves to cook even though he has his own fatigue battle to face. Thank the goddesses you don't have to stand and prep and cook. You can scroll Facebook or just close your eyes while you wait for dinner. Dinner means Netflix. Netflix means you're that much closer to bed.

What do you mean it's still light outside? Dammit!

It's early Sunday evening. Monday looms on the horizon. It starts all over again. Two days' rest has not been enough to recover. If only sleep were enough. I know it won't be though. I know I'll wake feeling like I've been through that proverbial wringer. On a scale of 1-10, I'm about a 6 and the work week hasn't even kicked in. 

Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up feeling refreshed and ready to conquer the day. Maybe I'll have energy and enthusiasm and not just this sense of, "Please oh please. Just let me get through. I'll stop being jealous of our cats and their ability to sleep 20 hours instead of only 7 if I can just get through today." Maybe. 

Go to sleep, Moose. Tomorrow's another day; you don't know what it holds and that's ok. Rest now.

Bluebaru

Hello gentle readers out there in the interwebs. I took last weekend off. I had nothing really of vital necessity to write about, nothing annoying the shit out of me enough to vent online about, and nothing really deep or meaningful. So, my husband and I took off to enjoy a wee bit of nature. It was the day before spring started after all.

Yes, Goat. Spring is finally here...although in Montana, that means there still will be snow at some point.

We took off mainly because we had just bought a new car: a bright blue Subaru Outback. I love it. I've never bought a new car from a dealer before, and I think I did fairly well. I emailed with dealers around the area. If they didn't email me back or tried calling me when I expressly said not to, they were disqualified. I was getting close to buying one about 3 hours away, but Subies are popular and they go fast. Missed out on that one. There was one about 90 minutes away, but it wasn't the right color. It was red. Red jacks up your insurance. Frankly, I also figured this was my first ever purchase, and I wasn't going to settle for some other color. It had to be blue.

That's right, Pusheen. I was going to wait until that blue one came along.

Then one popped up here in town. So I emailed the dealer about it. I got a peppy call back. Oops. Forgot to tell them in my email not to call. After that though, he did email as a follow up and we communicated that way from then on. It was blissful and suited my schedule.

That's right, Kermit. If we were going to do this, it was going to be on my terms.

Once it seemed like a really good idea, I started shopping around for loans. I actually got turned down by one credit union. I was a bit taken aback. They said they couldn't verify my employment. What? Did you even try asshats? I work for the school district. Verifying my employment is easy. Anyway, I got approved through 2 other credit unions,  but the interest rate was much higher at my credit union, the one I've been with since I was 13. I thought, "Hmmm, that's not going to work." I emailed my credit union and let them know I really wanted to go through them, but that another CU had come in under their interest rate. Low and behold, my CU said they'd match the other one. To which I replied that the dealer was going as low as 1.99. This is true. They did quote that. And guess what? My CU then said they could do 1.9%. Ha! If you don't negotiate a lower interest rate, you're missing out. I know some big banks can do 0%, but I don't want a big bank. I don't want to feed into that system. Besides, it wasn't through the Subie dealer here either. Consequently, 1.9% was really the best I was going to get.

Thanks, little turtle. I felt like clapping for me, too.

Anyway, the price on the Subie was also about two grand under blue book. I got a good deal all around. Funny enough, the fellow who sold me the car looked about 16, but he happened to be the son of a man I used to work with. Small world. I made sure to thank him profusely for all of his hard work and for being so forthright and not being pushy. He was great. He also wears bow ties every Friday. I appreciate a good bow tie.

I know you do, Doctor.

If you even noticed I didn't blog last week, this is why. We took our new Subie out for a highway run to a nearby water fowl preserve to watch the snow geese. We went about an hour out of town and tested the cruise control. I haven't used that in a long time. It's pretty cool. We tested the sound system. I love the bass. We tried out the heated seats. I don't know how I ever got along without them. It's ours. It's blue. It's beautiful. I made it happen. Rather proud of my accomplishment. One week on and absolutely love driving it.

That's right, Moose. That's the face I make every time I get to drive the Subie.

Have You Had Your Daily Dose of Gender Bullshit?

This weekend I went to see Niyaz in concert. The music was astounding and they invited us to dance while they played. So I did. I felt wonderful and alive and beautiful! They ended far too soon, but it meant that my friends and I got to hit the highway back home earlier, which meant we'd be home before midnight. Woohoo! On the way home though, my one friend mentioned that she and another friend have been tossing around doing Cabaret. They want the Kit Kat Girls to be drag queens, which I think as a concept is fantastic. My friend wants to direct it and said that she thought I'd make a great Sally. Uffda! That's huge. She surprised me with that idea. In my head, I was thinking, "I wonder who they want for Sally. They need a person with a lot of vocal and dance talent for that." Definitely not me in other words. However, as I was processing this bit of info, she added that her husband (who was driving) said I was too old. What the actual fuck?

You heard right, Goat. Too old. I wish he was joking.

I can think of plenty of reasons I should not be Sally, but my age ain't one of them. After all, Natasha Richardson was 35 I think when she tore up the role on Broadway. Seriously? My age is not the reason. If the Kit Kat Girls can be drag queens, then I could play Sally if I had enough confidence in my voice.Well hello there sexist, ageist bullshit. I've not missed you one iota. Especially not from a friend.

I agree, Giraffe. Fuck off on the age excuse buddy.

Then I wake up after the stupid time change (spring forward sucks ass) only to see reports of some idiot humping the statue of the defiant girl standing in front of the Wallstreet bull. Well who didn't see this coming? I did as soon as they announced the installation. Some idiot somewhere was bound to do this. Drunk or sober, someone was bound to do this because people suck, men are stupid, and sexism still exists. His only regret will be that someone caught him on film so he will always be the guy who humped the girl statue. Do I really need to go into why this man was wrong to do what he did? Do I really have to point out that it was a statue of a young girl and so his inappropriate gyrations is akin to acting out sexually assaulting a child? That's horrifying. People should be outraged by this and should not excuse it was a drunken indiscretion that harms no one. It does harm people. It does send a clear message that sexual assault and feminism are nothing more than a punchline for douche bags like this guy to mock with rapey behavior. Females are objects of sex in societies all over. Years and years of telling girls that he hits you because he likes you and boys will boys creates a culture where this kind idiocy is ok. Got news for you: it's not ok. 

Owl disapproves of attempts to excuse this asshat's behavior.

My friend who wants to do Cabaret then sent me an article link about this guy who couldn't figure out why his clients were suddenly being cold and questioning all his ideas in his emails. Turns out he shared a mailbox with a female colleague and was inadvertently signing his emails with her electronic signature. He was shocked. I wasn't. His colleague wasn't. It's kind of a big "Duh!" actually. Still, he sent a few emails to test his theory and signed some with his and some with hers only to discover that emails with the same content were received differently depending on the gender of the signature. Well golly gee! Thanks for validating what women have been saying all along. Thanks for opening your eyes to what gender studies have been reporting for eons. Hey look, everybody! It's everyday sexism right there in your inbox!

Pondering bear ponders the truths of yet one more man discovering that maybe listening to women is a good idea. Now that a man has said it, I'm sure it will all change. 

Then today, this vile piece of clickbait came along my newsfeed. I liked a page some time ago because they post thought-provoking quotations that I frequently enjoy and sometimes use as my profile banners, but this one was different. It was a body frame and weight chart for women. According to it, I am overweight, which is bullshit. This image was more than a little bit promoting the idea of  being smaller is better and females best be mindful of their weight because we weigh on average 20 pounds more than the average female a generation ago. Well, our diets are different and contain more processed ingredients, but the weights on this chart are definitely low for those heights, and BMI has been fairly well debunked as an indicator of health. Furthermore, why the fuck is a site that posts famous and thought-provoking quotations posting this bullshit? Just when I was calming down from that one, it got worse. Today the site posted something from 2013 about how a woman's butt shape is an indicator of health. What? I sensed the stupid was strong with this one, but again. Why the hell was this page posting such drivel? So I clicked it to find out what the hell this was all about only to be taken to a truly clickbait site. They were all sketches of female butts because this article was "especially for females" after all. Butt shape as a predictor has nothing to do with health warnings, but oh man! If your butt is shaped like an H, you're carrying to much extra fat in your love handles and you better get to the gym and do some squats. That's what this article was all about--the shape of your butt isn't right, means you have too much fat on this area, and you need to go address that problem right away in the gym. I unliked the page and stopped following it. I'm not up for the occasional body shaming in my timeline. If they want to stick to inspirational or profound quotations, that's cool. Telling me my butt needs work because it's not the right shape? Well, they can just fuck off. I don't need that bullshit in my life. 

White kitteh is annoyed and suggests Word Porn fuck the right off.

It's 2017 and this is still happening. It's 2017 and women will still be fighting this stupid bullshit for years to come. It's 2017 and people want to believe that equal rights are just fine and there's nothing to worry about and women should just stop complaining already! Guess what? Sexism, misogyny, rape culture--it's here to stay from what I can see. I don't want to believe that, but when it's 2017 and friends make comments about age rather than the obvious "She can't sing well enough" and men feel entitled to rub their junk on a statue of a child for a laugh or are just shocked by how women are treated at work and stupid sites post clickbait about how women's bodies will never be good enough, we haven't accomplished the goal of eliminating gender inequality. Everyday sexism people. It's here. It's not leaving. It's bullshit.

Bet mama moose has to go back to work soon because she doesn't have paid maternity leave.

March 8

From where I sit, I see tufts of cat hair and debris on the hardwood. I see dishes on the kitchen counter and in the sink. Over my shoulder, I can see the laundry spilling out of the small basket by the door. I know there is dried toothpaste in the bathroom sink. On an ordinary day, I'd have cleaned all of those things before doing much of anything else. In fact, I'd have cleaned the house before going to work as well as a little after work, but today I didn't go to that paid work gig I have either. It's International Women's Day, so I stayed home.

That's right goat. I am on strike today.

Consequently, I have been doing a few things in honor of the day and its purpose.

I'm wearing red glasses for instance. If I was going out and about for any reason, I'd be wearing red, but I am home and not getting out of my robe. Red glasses are it for now. Red is the color of the day because it is associated with passion, and I am passionate about women's rights not just here in Montana, but in the world. When millions of girls are denied access to education, I feel compelled to support them and wearing red is a visible way to show that...if I were going outside. So I'll wear red glasses for my cats and my own edification. If I hadn't been granted a personal day for today, I would've been decked from head to foot in red by the goddesses!

Umm, that's not quite what I meant.

I've also been listening to the Tori Amos station on Pandora. She's one of the truly strong feminine voices I listened to in college. I love her music. I also get Regina Spektor, Florence + The Machine, and Fiona Apple. This music speaks to me in a way others just don't hit. They are pained, empowered, unapologetic anthems of femaleness. 

She's simply divine.

The organizers of this Women's Strike also thought we should be sure to take time to ourselves, so I played Diablo 3 for a bit. Ok, so it was more like a few hours, but that's beside the point. I got my monk through Torment V and she's ready for her final torment. Then I'll go back and work on my barbarian or witchdoctor. I don't know which, but I like that I am keeping my all female ensemble.

Tigerlilly is badass.

Another thing I've done is research women's topics and fill my timeline with the results. I tried to find transcripts from the Women's March on Montana, but I could not locate any. I contacted the event organizer to see if someone may be working on it. I want to read them and study them. They play a role in my life and the lives of all Montanans. Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I also feel the need to share stories about acid attack survivors in Bangladesh reclaiming their beautiful selves. I further posted about the International Rescue Committee who allow you to pay the tuition for a young girl to go to school for a year. I found a photo essay of young girls from around the world walking to school. Personally, I thought the ones from Moscow were oddly sexualized...reminiscent of the sexy French Maid costumes you see at Halloween around here. I tried not to be judgey about it, but it definitely stands out in my memory as not being quite like the others. One of my favorite sites, I Fucking Love Science, posted a video of famous female scientists; many of them sadly had their breakthroughs stolen and published by men. Fuckers! I knew some of the names like Hypatia. One of my favorites was a TED Talk about why America needs paid maternity leave. Honestly. How the fuck do we not have this? Of course, even if we had it before January 2017, we'd have lost it or it'd be in jeopardy with the Tangerine Shart in office.  

I can't whenever I think of that asshat! He just creeps in and I get angsty and swear a lot.

Anyway, I also took some action on financial independence. I had to verify our tax return to the state due to new identity theft precautions that add over a month's wait time to your return. (insert grrr face) I also balanced the finances. Then I opened the online savings account I've been hemming and hawing about since last year. I may also look at getting my +30 credits so I am maxed out on the pay scale. You see, I am one of those nasty women who are the primary breadwinner in the household. I'm not a finance guru by any means, but I'm learning and figuring out how to make things better for us. Financial independence is something that not a lot of women have, so I appreciate it and intend to make the most of it so we have some security for retirement.

Kitty is rollin' in those singles.

I've also signed a bunch of petitions for causes like Planned Parenthood, the Affordable Care Act, education policy, environmental issues, and civil rights. Whew! So many petitions. There's also the contacting the representatives that needs to happen. Since our stupid heads of state want to introduce a national school voucher system and provide absolutely no safeguards for students with disabilities of whom I work with every day, I again must make some phone calls and send some emails.  At least our state legislature did indeed vote down that measure to allow teachers and staff to conceal carry in school. Dodged that bullet.

Yes, I did that Emma. Bad pun timing?

I did some digging on my health as well. As any of my readers would know by now, I went off Topamax, but then the question became, "What now?" Well, now I get Lamictal. It too has a step up to the dosage-- bit longer than Topamax, but after a week, no weird flavors or odd side effects. Here's hoping that keeps up. I also get to start Benlysta soon for my lupus. I'm a wee bit nervous about a biologic, but it's an actual medication just for lupus, not one of those meds that is made for some other purpose but seems to help or ease lupus. I have to get infusions though. Not really what I'm looking forward to, but it's supposed to really help with the fatigue and the sores in the nose and mouth, so I'm game. It's important to take care of your health and manage it accordingly, so taking time to look into these fits right into the day's purpose I think. I recognize and appreciate the fact that I have access to this healthcare and these choices. My neurologist and rheumatologist are both women. They really listen better and I feel more like I've had an honest discussion rather than a rush in and get the fuck out kind of appointment. I really value the care they provide. I trust them. I owe them big thanks and shouts out for their care. 

That's right, Baymax. It's like a big hug after I see them.

I'm well aware that some people will think this strike is silly, unnecessary, and selfish. Fuck them. Really. I will tell people why I participated if they ask. I will tell them how I spent my day. However, if they're just asking to mock or cajole or ridicule the idea and my participation, fuck them. When equal pay is at risk in our country and the pay gap is not expected to be closed for another 150 years, we've got to keep people active. When the people in Washington are overhauling the Affordable Care Act so people in their 50s and 60s are negatively affected at a time when their health becomes more complicated and they're supposed to be closing in on retirement, we need to be supportive. When the overhaul also includes a defunding of Planned Parenthood which means that women, especially women of color, will lose access and the choice to meet their health needs with professionals they trust, we have to make our presence known. When girls have to walk through war ravaged areas, cling to slippery rocks along a river, or risk rape and human slavery every time they try to go to school, we have got to raise our voices. I know that my position and my status as a white, somewhat middle class woman offers me the privilege to stay home. Therefore it is important that I not take advantage of it. I must not take it for granted. I must not allow it to turn my head in silence while others are beaten down. We've still got a long road to go before we're done.

Keep on, keepin' on, Moose.