Let me begin by saying I am terrible at taking my own advice. I know that pacing is important. I know that doing more than I ought to leads to brain fog and feeling like I didn't sleep at all when I wake. I know these things and yet, I totally ignored all of my knowledge this weekend.
Stuff needed doing dammit!
Success and eggs: breakfast of champions.
Yesterday, I did my usual coffee and surveys wake up. I do surveys online to earn points to earn possible $500 gift cards. I can also trade my points in for Amazon cards and the like. It's usually not that big of deal to spend a little time answering questions. Unless of course they send you a surprise box of toilet paper to try out...and it sucks! I digress.
Me when I opened a box of toilet paper that was thinner than the stuff in campground outhouses.
Anyway, I started Saturday with all kinds of energy. I did my burpees and I did my surveys. I cleaned the house and practiced my lines. I'm doing fairly well on the opening scene. I hope to try it off book next time we run it. I did a little light banking and budgeting. Then my husband started on the roof.
Keep telling yourself that.
Awhile back, we got hit with multiple hailstorms and needed a new roof. I actually convinced my husband to let someone else handle it. We got estimates. We decided which company would handle the job and called them. Then we called again. They never called back. Consequently, my husband decided to say screw them and we'd do it ourselves. He used to do this for a living, but it's been a few years. Oh well, we needed to get moving because winter does not seem inclined to wait this year. He started ripping and I cleaned. I hauled wheelbarrows full of yard debris and shingles to the big dumpster. I carried old gutters and twisted metal edging to the dumpster. I worked hard along with my hubs for a few hours. And then? I practiced belly dance.
Goat gets shit done!
Yup, I had to practice a bit with my veil because last night was my 9 year anniversary of dancing, and we were at the restaurant. Nothing says beautiful like scrubbing shingle dust and dirt off only to then apply oodles of make up and wear sequins in order to dance for half an hour. Needless to say, by the end of the set, I was toast. But then we had to go talk to the audience for 30-45 minutes.
Goat says, "WTH, mate?!?"
By the time I got home and we had dinner, I was completely exhausted. Muscles were sore. Brain was jelly. I needed to sleep. And I did. I even dreamt about seeing humpback whales.
Hiya!
Right now I sit on my sofa though feeling like I should go take a nap. I woke slowly feeling even more tired than when I went to bed. I just can't seem to get my engine running. I've slept, eaten, had coffee, taken the morning slowly, but I just don't have energy. I'm supposed to help more with the roofing and the cleaning. I have done that. I also ripped out the carpet and padding of the back room. We wanted to take advantage of the big dumpster and rip out the back room that we are planning to renovate next. I got the carpet and padding up and to the dumpster, but the idea of ripping down dry wall is too much. My arms are weak even while I type. I should keep pushing and keep making progress, but damn this fatigue! I'm even too out of it to play Diablo 3! It's just too much right now to really concentrate. I'll likely type the draft of this post. Go take a nap. Then edit it later. I know that pushing more will just make tomorrow even harder. I won't be able to clear my head. I'll be muddled and incoherent. I hate that feeling.
And...we're done now.
I also feel guilty. My husband seems to be tolerating this very hard labor better. He could take tomorrow off if need be. He probably won't because he's who he is, but if he needed a day to recover, he could take it. I don't think I could. Being gone is just that much more work when you're a teacher. I feel guilty not helping more outside or with the back room. If I help outside or inside, I'd need to stay home tomorrow. Then I'd feel guilty for not being at work. It's a vicious cycle. I fucking hate fatigue. My brother in law is helping with the roof today. That's a blessing. It takes some pressure off my husband. It takes some pressure off of me. I'm truly grateful. I just wish I wasn't so fucking tired!
Stupid lupus!
OK. Enough self-pity. Time to go haul some more. Time to fold some laundry. Time to keep pushing.
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