Comparative Memes

Since Charlottesville, The War of the Memes online seems to have increased. From what I understand, the alt-right released a slew of memes to bring its base together and get the word out to the masses. Never mind that one meme that was reportedly showing a Antifa site was actually from an ad campaign against domestic violence, which just goes to show the validity of this particular form of rhetoric. This incident was reported by numerous agencies including the BBC and Salon. Honestly, if we're going to make a difference and engage in thoughtful discussion, we need to move beyond memes because they frequently misrepresent or outright lie in order to gain likes.

That's right, Goat. Memes are catchy, but not always truthy.

Don't get me wrong. I've clicked and shared my share of memes. I've even made one. It's terribly easy to do honestly making it that much easier to dupe the populace. There is a difference between political or social issue memes and just for fun vintage postcard styles of memes. I've probably clicked like on some memes that would upset my more conservative friends just as theirs have irritated me. Take this one for example though:

This one is fairly ubiquitous and innocuous. It's not political or biting or insulting in any way. It simply speaks to a problem that anyone who has struggled through calculus can relate. Look at the same meme used for a different purpose:

Crass? Sure. Critical of a widely watched television show? Certainly. However, it's still not attacking ideology or identity really. You can actually search for Sound of Music meme generator to create more using this same iconic image. Memes can be silly, fun, satirical, but they can also be cruel, insulting, and false. Some are just easily picked apart. Take for example this one my husband's aunt shared:

 

When I saw this, it just hit me as completely tone deaf. It speaks to the nationalism and white privilege in America. It wants to make people feel guilty for being un-American if they don't step inline. If you burn a flag or sit during the anthem or feel like the Confederate monuments should be in museums not glorified in parks, then you just are what's wrong with America today. I cannot describe how hard my eyes rolled on this one.

That's about right, Tina. Was this taken before or after people freaked at your satire with the cake?

The patriotic meme from earlier is wrong on so many levels. 

That's right, Bob. Buckle up.

Level 1: The American flag comes with a list of do's and don'ts. One of the don'ts is that it shouldn't be used in advertising, embroidered on fabrics, printed on things like napkins, or worn as part of a costume according to the list from Old Farmer's Almanac. Think about all the things the flag is printed on like those Old Navy tank tops or underwear or even on beer cozies. It's been used commercially for a ton of things. The code Title IV Chapter 1, Section 8 states that the flag image should not be used on garments but I've seen the flag image on bikinis and bras and thongs ("Capturing the Flag" by Marc Leepson). Is it patriotic to have the flag on your privates or tattooed on your skin? While draped on a fallen soldier's coffin is indeed within the code, the Supreme Court did allow for free speech use in 1989 stating that the 1968 protection law that outlawed desecration of the flag was in fact unconstitutional. I do concede that desecration of the flag can be considered offensive to some, but we don't seem to have clearly defined fair use of the flag anyway. I fail to see how stepping on the flag is somehow awful when the flag is displayed horizontally all the time in sporting events. Again, something that the do's an don'ts says is a don't. We contradict ourselves on proper treatment of the flag all the time. This quadrant is clearly too big for a tiny square on a meme.

It's a toughie. Right, Mr. Goldblum?

Level two: Let's turn to the second quadrant with the veteran in the wheelchair. Standing for the national anthem wasn't a thing initially. It didn't become a thing until a West Point ceremony in 1891 ("When did we begin standing for the National Anthem?" www.digiopo.io). We apparently didn't start the hat removal until two years later. After that, the National Anthem was used at the Republican National Convention in 1900. The standing during the Anthem at sports events occurred in 1918 during the World War at the World Series. It was spontaneous and unplanned. I wonder how many people know that NFL didn't adopt the standing during the Anthem until 2009. That's right. 2009! People weren't that outraged prior to that when the players stayed in the locker room. But have a black player take a knee in protest and suddenly everyone's pissy. My own uncles are protesting the NFL allowing the sitting and kneeling. You'd think that number one, people would have bigger fish to fry than telling someone they can't exercise their right to free speech. Number two, the history of the tradition in the sport is ridiculously short. Number 3, if people would just listen rather than rebuke, then we might make some progress. My uncles can protest just like Kaepernick. I do think my uncles are exercising their privilege more than anything, but that doesn't mean they don't get to protest, too.

Glad we're on the same page, Animal.

Level 3: Do I really have to explain this one? It of course is alluding to the removal of Confederate monuments that were mostly put in place eons after the Civil War and in Union states as well as states that weren't even around during the Civil War. Take my state for example. We weren't even named Montana Territory until 1864. We became a state in 1889 long after the Civil War ended. Yet, the United Daughters of the Confederacy put up a monument in this state as part of a nation-wide movement to do so. It's been removed now for almost two weeks. Here's the thing: no one is erasing history FFS. No one will forget the goddamned Civil War. We have fucking history books and Wikipedia. Removing statues does not equate erasing history. Furthermore equating removing statues of Confederate leaders like Robert E. Lee is not the same thing as removing soldiers' headstones. Wow! Inflammatory imagery much? We may get around to addressing our monuments to other racial problems like the genocide of First Peoples. Maybe since we've already taken steps in that regard. Even George H. W. Bush saw fit to rename the  former Custer Battlefield National Monument to The Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument.  It'd be progress with precedence to change names of monuments. I think a natural extension involves placing the monuments to the Confederacy in museums or battlefields like Gettysburg. Either way, history is not erased. This kerfuffle though will ensure that the Civil War remains part of our country's history rather than eradicating it. 

Aw! Thanks, Karen.

Level 4: OMG! Seriously? Ugh! Well how about this: you don't get to tell others how to feel about racism or oppression if you're the ones in the position of power. As a white person (my husband's aunt is, too), we do't get to tell other races to suck it up and embrace being Americans. We don't get to do that because the white settlers stole land and forced First People of North America onto reservations where they crammed assimilation down the their throats. The colonists literally stripped tribes of their identities. I think they get to be as bitter as they want for as long as they want. Let's address the black inclusion as well. Hmmm, ripped from one continent and brought to another to be chattel. Stripped of their culture and humanity. And the yellow folks? Well, guess what. They were taken advantage of to build railroads. They were forced into internment camps during World War II. If someone told a white person of Italian and French descent that he or she had to stop identifying with their culture and heritage, I think those white folks would be mighty put out. White people though got the land, the control, the power, the free expression of their heritage, and they just can't allow themselves to acknowledge the privilege and hypocrisy of telling minorities to buck up and cuddle up to the American tradition and pride. Oh! And what about that flag? I don't think it quite fits the flag code.

Thanks for the validation, Batman.

We click. We like. We don't always think. But we can do better.

No. Really, Moose. We can.

Not Your Grandparent's Nazis, but Still Nazis

I spent the better part of mid-day cleaning my basement. I swept the floor, piled stuff to be placed in the dumpster tomorrow, scrubbed the random spots of cat vomit I'd not seen, and wiped away the cobwebs. I also organized the bins of holiday decorations, camping gear, and crafty items. I did all these things because I had no words for yesterday's events in Charlottesville.

Yes, Goat. A hug would be nice.

I struggled this morning to get going and process and somehow make sense of what happened. I always knew there were fringe and active white supremacists out there, but they were always that: out there--somewhere else out of sight. They have been getting brazen these past few months. Yesterday, they rallied without shame or fear of discovery. They pridefully marched to save a statue of a guy who was nothing more than a bigot and a traitor. I read an article in The Atlantic about General Lee a few weeks ago. It was enlightening, and it went into historical detail about the kind of person Lee really was. Needless to say, it just convinced me more that he is not someone to be celebrated. Since the statues have already been cast and displayed for far too long, placing them in a museum seems fitting. It is important to remember so that we don't get complacent and let the racism and bigotry to gain traction again. Yet, that's exactly what has happened yesterday.

 I know, Dean. I asked the same question.

Sometimes I read articles to see a different perspective and try to understand it and take Atticus Finch's words to heart by walking in their shoes, but in this case there can be none of that. Although, I have read a number of articles today. One had the fellow from one of the iconic photos who was yelling epithets right along with the others. In it, he has the audacity to claim he is not a racist. Excuse me? Were you there by accident? Did someone coerce you into attending? Did you think this was just a fun evening parade with a Polynesian theme; maybe someone cooked a pig on a spit. None of those are true. Peter Cvjetanovic, you are a racist and a bigot. By declaring yourself a white nationalist, you cannot possibly think that you care for all people. By participating in this rally, you took a side of hate. You may feel remorse now, but you chose to willfully join in a group that marched and chanted Nazi rhetoric. You can't take that back and try to whitewash it.

What, Cam? Pun too pithy?

My husband showed me a photo last night of a toddler. Now, toddlers are usually cute, wobbly creatures covered in a gloss of snot and other fluids or foodstuffs. This toddler stood before a group of police in a KKK white robe and hood. I teared up. This is how we learn to hate. This is where it comes from. This is indoctrination. I wonder if that little kid will one day do one of those retrospective stories like the Nirvana baby "Look at him now!" piece that floated around for a time. I can only hope that by that time, the toddler will have realized that their parent(s) took advantage of their innocence by putting them in that outfit. Those parents made a choice to make their child an image of and participant in hate.

Yes, Hulk. You and me both mad. 

Anyone who reads my blog with any kind of consistency knows I have no love for the Tangerine Shart. He proved yet again why we should not "give him a chance" or "respect the office of the President of the United States no matter who sits in the Oval Office". To equate the altercations between the Nazis and those who showed to oppose them is ludicrous. I know from photos and a first hand account that there were indeed skirmishes between the two groups. However, only one group showed up with guns and chanted and marched with phrases like "Heil!" to the guy in the dick measuring contest with North Korea. Only one group had a member who got behind the wheel with the sole purpose of causing death and terror. The other group was silent, sang "This Little Light of Mine", and stood against the hate and fear mongering that flagrantly infested Charlottesville.

 I'd say Cheeto Benito chose poorly with that statement.

These two groups are not and never will be equal.

I knew you'd agree, Michelle. I miss you and Barack.

The Asshat in Chief made the most tone-deaf comment he possibly could when he said "many sides". Many sides of hatred from white supremacists, Nazis, and white nationalists maybe. The consequence of his failure as the President of the United States can be seen in the reaction of David Duke, who reminded the Orange Buffoon who put him in office. Not only that, but other racists have called the Current Occupant of the White House "good" because he didn't specifically call them out. Since he didn't condemn them, he therefore feels love for them and sees their point of view as valid. Well, if that is true, then this is just one more brick in the wall of racial divides and racial terrorism. When our leader cannot disavow terrorist acts because a Nazi was at the helm, we're in for something even worse.

Yet again, Dean, you are correct. Now I think Sam needs your assistance.

There's a No Hate in Our State gathering tonight at our Civic Center. I know my sister in law is going to one in Indiana. I hope people all over this country will attend one and renounce hate in all its forms. I hope they take the stand that Heather Heyer gave her life for. I hope those who would fight against Nazis will raise their voices as one and come together to sing "This Little Light of Mine". I hope they can do what the weak and complicit Jerk of the United States could not do. Love will rise and drown out the hate. It has to. The alternative is too chilling to consider.

 

For your sake, little Moose and every other little creature. 

Money! It's a Drag

Do you have enough money for the basics? I hope you do. If you're like many though, you don't have much left at the end of the month despite penny-pinching and thrifty-living choices. If you're like me, you may turn to online advice and come across Penny Hoarder. I get their updates and postings and I've tried some of their advice for making easy money with little effort often with minimal or mixed results.

 I know, Goat. You're shocked that easy money isn't so easy.

One suggestion of theirs that I did find somewhat beneficial was being an online writing tutor. Being an English teacher, I felt that I could make some extra cash this way and improve my in class writing instruction. Both of those did happen. However, you must work at least 9 hours per week and be prepared for drop calls or add calls depending on the demand of essays being submitted. It's all fairly straightforward except you have to also be prepared to do the corporate once a year training for things like team work or harassment or online security--much of which has very little to do with your online tutoring. You also do not receive regular pay increases with your evaluations. You get evaluated regularly, but even if you bust your butt, you don't get wage increases. You do get bonus pay during times of extreme traffic in the submission rate, but that's it. You also have to deal with the time pressure (30 minute average per essay according to the company's format) and you have to deal with knowing all forms of writing from paragraph to dissertations to business proposals. It's not easy, it's thankless, and you do it all for just over minimum wage. Lesson: the pay is not up to the challenge of the demands.

Yes, Mr. Cage; I do say.

At the same time I was tutoring, I also took up one of their other suggestions to check out freelance writing. The site they suggested, Odesk, gave me a chance to write informative articles according to their format for a period of 4-9 months. It sounded like a great way to get my foot in the door of freelance. However, the pay rate sucked. I committed to the minimum articles each week which was six. I always met that obligation despite being completely ill-prepared to write about some of the topics. I got paid roughly two bucks per article. Lame pay rate for the amount of energy required to produce the articles. Not only that, but once summer came around, I started to do more articles to increase my pay. I was doing about 10 articles per week that summer even though I really only had to do six. The contract got extended into fall, but near the end I had a wedding I had to attend. I had never missed my quota, and as far as I could tell, I had actually banked a few extras that should have bought me some wiggle room. When it came time for me to attend the wedding, I contacted one of the leads and informed her that due to this obligation, I would not meet my six articles that week. I got a nasty email back telling me that I agreed to a contract. I wrote back and informed her that I had exceeded my quota for several weeks; therefore, despite her reprimand/reminder of contract, I would not be submitting articles while I was gone. Period. Thankfully, the final articles were distributed after the wedding. Lesson: be sure the pay rate and obligation is worth the time and effort. Also, those sites often have scam listings. 

Yes, Kitteh. They will try and take advantage of you.

On the sites recommended for finding freelance work, you also get a lot of fraud. I fell for one early on. Essentially, it was a system where this person would send me a check, I'd do some shopping, then I'd send the merchandise to the address, and finally, I'd get to keep what wasn't spent which would work out to as much as $400 a week. Nice gig, except it's a total scam. The check they send is fake. Then, if you deposit that check and make purchases, you're on the hook for the fraud, not them because they are so well hidden. Lesson: the platforms will not always be reliable and they won't always find the scams on their own. I had to report this one, and they did remove the listing from the site. Be on the look out for scams, but you could always do the passive income sites instead. 

You're not fooling anyone, Homer.

Penny Hoarder is big on passive income and sells these ideas as being fantastic options. It's not that simple. I've tried several of their suggestions, but I'll only hit the highlights. One site they suggest is Checkout 51. You go shopping, take a pic of your receipt, and mark the items on their weekly listing that you bought. Unfortunately, unless you shop big box stores or shop according to the weekly listings rather than what you need, the money does not add up. I am not the type to buy something because it's on the list the same way I won't buy something just because I have a coupon. It's been three years and I don't even have $40 in my money back account. They don't give much for produce (.25 cents and you only get to claim one of the available veggies). Another one is to take online surveys. I have three of these sites. Ipsos is a big one that often gets cited for polls in the news. However, they have frequent errors and despite having a bunch of surveys available in the queue, you often get the "no surveys at the time" or "we can't find one that's right for you" messages. Sometimes you get a paltry 5 points for those, sometimes not. Mysurvey is the same way. Fewer errors, but often the survey is no longer available or they don't need your demographic. Personally, if they no longer need someone with my profile, then they should pull the survey from my queue so I don't waste my time. I have earned enough points to send $10 donations to UNICEF or Habitat for Humanity or $5 gift cards though. Lesson: try one and if you get more nay's than yea's, drop it and move on. because the pay out isn't worth it. Not like National Consumer Panel (NCP) though.

Sometimes you have to kick the idea to the curb. 

How you do that is up to you.

The NCP is worth it. You don't get flooded with emails. I've never had a survey that I didn't qualify for. Their surveys are short unlike some of the other sites that can take 30-45 minutes. I've also received $25 dollar gift cards, earned $15 checks for completing surveys on my political and economic views,  and even bought a new crock pot with the points I've earned. Furthermore, You can earn points by reporting your purchases at stores or gas stations. Not only do you earn points for this, you can earn bonus points as well for their games or for submitting every week in a month. The points add up quickly. It can be a bit of a hassle if your purchases are from a store that they don't have built into the system because you then have to enter the prices for everything, but it's one I'll keep doing because the pay out is much better than the other options. Lesson: some suggestions are worth it, so keep at it until you find one.

Well, that's an easy way to earn money, 

but one has to worry about how to prove the poop for the pay.

Along with survey sites, Penny Hoarder also offers online banks that will give you more money in interest than regular banks. I set up one with Aspiration after checking online for reviews and warnings. There's a bit of a wait list and you need to be careful you aren't donating more than you're earning, but we'll see what happens. I put $100 in, so I'm going to watch it grow to see if it's really worth it. If it is, I may have found my new favorite way to save for retirement. Lesson: to be determined.

We'll see, Mulder.

Another favorite suggestion of theirs is to use apps to sell your stuff rather than just donate them. It's kind of like garage sale apps for everything. I've been using letgo for about two weeks. You take pictures of what you're selling, put in a price, and people message you through the app. You can negotiate prices if you want. I was excited that on my very first day, I got someone who really wanted to buy these weird old fashioned electric line insulators. We set a price, set a time and place, and when I arrived, he handed me a $5 and said not to worry about the change (we had agreed on $2). One thing they don't mention is that people will agree to buy and then not show up. I've had this happen a few times. It's annoying. You set a time and place to meet and then the other person can't even do the courtesy of letting you know they won't make it. You also have to be prepared for rude people who don't know how to communicate clearly in text format. You can try and clarify what they intend with their messages, but since it's text only, they can also get pissy. We have managed to sell my husband's old truck. That was a huge unexpected bonus for us. However, I've given the rest of the things until the end of September. If they don't sell, I'm donating them. Lesson: it can work, but people are rude. This is a constant of life. Also, shut off notifications because people really like to shop at night and the pings will wake you up.

That's right, Emoji. I actually responded this way in my head to one message. 

Then I looked it up to make sure I was using the phrase correctly.

I'm not sure that Penny Hoarder is always worth it. I have benefited from some suggestions, but it's nothing that you can quit your day job and rely on. I'd still like to try the get paid for drinking beer, for losing weight, or for watching movie previews, but we'll see. Always keep your eyes open for scams and say goodbye when the attempt doesn't pan out. Making more money isn't always worth the time and energy you have to invest.

I'd say if that's how you feel about the experience, Moose, then it's not worth it.

Total First World Problem

I'm sure I'm not the only one who sits and casually daydreams about the places she'd like to go if given the opportunity. I would love to go to the British Isles, New Zealand, and Alaska. Those three destinations have always held a place in my travel dreams; Iceland has been sneaking onto the list lately, too. One place I never really saw myself going or even considered in the running really was Japan. I have nothing against Japan, but it wasn't on my radar at all. Until recently that is.

Whoa there, Goat! Don't pack your bags yet.

My brother in law and his family are stationed at Okinawa. It looks like they might stay there indefinitely. About a year ago, my brother in law asked my husband when we were going to visit. I thought he was joking. He clearly didn't understand how little a teacher in Montana makes if he thought we could just pop off and skip over the Pacific. But he's not joking. In the last month, it came up a third time. I'm feeling pressured a bit to say yes even though I know the money isn't really there. While I have my list of destinations, so does my husband. Japan is on his list.

Yes, Kermit. That's a darn good imitation of my husband's reaction if we went.

You see, his father was in the military, Air Force to be exact. My husband lived several years in Spain growing up before the family got transferred stateside. When his dad eventually got orders for Japan, he said he'd take my husband, too. Instead, he divorced my mother in law and left for Japan alone. My husband was about 12 at the time. Old enough to remember the heartbreak of being cast off. Believe it or not, this isn't the only pressure to make the trip although it is the most emotionally persuasive.

Apparently the sushi are excited at this possibility. 

They won't be after I gobble them up!

My instinct was to say no, and I did. More than once I repeated that we simply couldn't swing $4-4500 dollars just for tickets. Then there's the cost of touristy things and meals out and souvenirs...we just don't have that kind of moolah to spend especially when we just bought a new car and have renovations to finish on our house. That's when my in law started offering to pay for our tickets.

That's right, NPH. He made that offer.

This seemed overwhelmingly generous and honestly, very tempting. If he pays the ticket and we stay with him, it's a no brainer, right? Not really. I'm socially awkward anyway, and I think this would be the most socially awkward trip I've ever taken. I just don't know this in law and his wife that well. I do know that we have opposing views on religion, politics, and education. Does my insurance cover overseas emergency care for when I bite my tongue too many times and it just gives up and leaps from my mouth in surrender?

WTH is this? 

I suppose this could be my tongue asking someone to have mercy on it.

When the topic of a visit came up again, I looked into prices for tickets. I just feel really uncomfortable accepting such an enormous gift from people I don't really know even if they are family. Tickets had come down some. Lowest I found was $1900. My brother in law thought he could find tickets for about $800. Say what? Do Marines have access to a flight list other than a C-130 that offers huge discounts overseas? I still do not have confirmation on this price, but I did see tickets at $1500 last night.

That's right, Fugu. I would totally eat you at that price.

As I run over all the pros and cons in my head, I of course started to ask friends what they would do. One of the primary reactions is the YOLO response. Her exact words were, "Only one precious life, right?" Another friend said that the location alone bears a lot of consideration as we'd likely never consider it otherwise. OK, so let's say we seize the day and go. What does that look like?

Fine, Buffy. You're the wise Slayer after all.

We'd get to see the family including two nephews I don't know well. My husband would get to fulfill an item on his bucket list; me, too actually. My bucket list does have "Get off the North American continent at least once".  Experiencing another culture including museums, beaches, restaurants, the Peace Memorial, singing karaoke in an actual Japanese bar...I could go on I suppose. My sister's kids would be intensely jealous as well. They are quite into Japanese snacks and entertainment. It could be the YOLO trip of our lives.

Thanks, Dumbledore. I'll keep that in mind. Also, wet blanket much?

What's holding me back from going full gusto besides my socially awkward and deeply cynical nature? I don't like accepting a gift of that monetary amount from anyone. I'd be uncomfortable taking that from my own parents even especially since I know they can't afford it. One friend suggested that we make an agreement to pay back the tickets in a specified time frame. I don't know if that'd fly with this fellow (again with the not knowing him thing), but it's a thought. We could split the cost--we pay one way, they pay the other. Even that is a chunk we could put toward the house renovation though. I manage our finances and I know that we barely get by as it is, so forking over any money for a luxury trip like this is a daunting ask. Of course, we do have an additional tax refund that should show up sometime in the near future. It would cover our tickets, but we had earmarked that for other things like Alaska and continuing ed credits and house repairs. Besides, it's not a good idea to spend the money before you have the money. *sigh* No easy answers there.

Yes, Mr. Maguire. On this we agree.

We also need to settle on when we'd go. June-November is monsoon/tsunami season. I know--I went to Nebraska and Kansas during the tornado season more than once and survived. Millions of Japanese have survived countless monsoons and even tsunamis. We probably could, too. I really want to visit beaches and try out snorkeling; these are things that are not companionable with the storm season. If you don't know, Jun-August would be right when it's most convenient for both of us to take a trek over the ocean. During the school year is tough, and I don't relish the thought of travel at Christmas. I don't think we could save up enough by then anyway. If we played it smart, we could get our passports back from expired and probably save some walking around money. But why won't this knot in my gut go away?

Looks about right.

It's simple. In this relationship, I'm not the risk-taker. I'm the have-a-plan-and-be-responsible-with-your-choices one. If you believe astrology, that is exactly opposite of what we should be. He's a taurus and I'm a gemini. More evidence against astrology.

Cat on a PB&J in space still more believable than the zodiac.

Despite my misgivings, I've already started a plan: sell the truck, sell that beast of a camper, sell some clothes on the garage sale app, stop eating out, stop spending so much on alcohol (it's not much, but it adds up), and ask family and friends for prepaid VISA cards or deposits to a trip savings account instead of presents for anniversary, birthdays, and Christmas. Shit. It's becoming possible. Now I just need to find a class to work on that social awkwardness issue.

 Got any advice on that one, Moose?

Don't Say a Little Prayer for Me

I've written about prayer before. Then, I was still of the mindset that prayer filled a role in people's lives and perhaps even my own. However, I no longer see a purpose for it in my life. I don't have evidence of it ever working for me no matter who I prayed to. Furthermore, if circumstances changed after I prayed, I could see another logical explanation completely unrelated to my prayer. Honestly, I'd really like it everyone who prays for me would stop.

That's not what I meant, Goat. Get out of the road. Seriously, don't stop. Keep moving.

Last week I was discussing matters of the spiritual with my long time friends over what one of them deemed a "Friendcation". I brought up the story of my godfather and the "Your grandmother prayed every day for you to return to the church" and his assurance that he too hopes I will return one day. I stated that I'd much rather look at the situation as love me as I am or pray for me. I do see this as a choice between the two. One of my friends felt that permission was something her mother felt was important for prayer. The other thought that loving the way I am and praying for me don't have to be completely separate. In this case, I do.

Separation: Not just for eggs anymore.

One reason is because it's a bit like the addage "love the sinner, not the sin". Either way, the person is telling the other that he/she is a sinner. In this case, it's an "I love you, but not this part of you. Could you maybe change that?" Not really unconditional love there. Furthermore, prayer is usually to alleviate someone's suffering. So if someone prays for an alleviation of my lupus symptoms, OK. Can't stop you, but it's really pointless because proper management is the only way to alleviate that suffering. However, to pray for me to return to the church is not praying for an end to my suffering because trust me--not suffering over that choice. It's really praying to change who I am. That's not real good prayer in my view. Not only that, people who pray this way are not really praying to alleviate someone else's suffering, they are praying to alleviate their own suffering over someone else's life choice. Perhaps instead they should be praying for the understanding and acceptance rather than trying to change me or whoever they are praying for.

Thanks, RDJ. That means a lot.

In studying Wicca, it was important to obtain someone's permission before doing any spellwork for them. I see spellwork as an elaborate and full of intention type of prayer. Before I performed spellwork for someone, I asked. I thought it was polite and I respected if the other person declined. I would appreciate if others showed me the same respect. I suppose there's some of the ignorance is bliss in this notion. If they pray and don't tell me, how am I to know? I won't. I'd prefer they not do it at all, but if they must, just don't tell me. It won't impress me, make me feel better, or in anyway incur a sincere thank you. Just stop please.

By Jove! I hadn't thought of offering them cake! Well done, Doctor.

Over the years, I have prayed for others without permission. As a Catholic and then Methodist, I thought it was just something you did either to improve yourself or to improve the state of something/someone else. It was expected and accepted and respected, or so I thought. Now though, the point is lost on me and I do feel remorse for the prayers I ever said that were to change someone or were against their choice.

Oh, Hiddles. I'd forgive you just about anything.

 As we move forward, learn more, and become seekers of a path through this life, views and perceptions change. I've grown farther away from Christianity, others grow closer over time. You want to be a believer, I won't pray for you not to be and I won't interfere with your practice of your faith so long as it doesn't interfere with my rights. If only we could let those we love change and grow without trying to hide shame and judgement as prayer. Maybe we'll get there, but probably not in my lifetime.

You're right, Moose. The tough part is looking at myself and being sure to love them for who they are, too.

Prepare to be Unprepared

Chronic illnesses bring a host of changes and adjustments. Many of them seem reasonable and predictable: medications, therapies, lousy days, good days, remitting and relapsing flares. The list goes on. Some changes are not so predictable. Some of them you just shake your head and say, "Oh well." I've been pondering some of those changes that I was not (and you might not be) prepared for.

That's right, Goat. Just sit back for this list. Nice beard by the way.

Admitting it's time for a pill organizer
I must say, this is one I really wanted to avoid. However, in the last year, so many medications have been added, it's just easier to fill an organizer than to open each pill bottle individually every morning and every night. Of course, sometimes the organizer is too small, so you have to adjust which meds go in AM and which in PM. I had to move my dairy supplement and B vitamin to PM because with the over-sized alpha lipoic acid capsule, the AM wouldn't close. Moments like that you just get this sinking feeling of being officially sick. Gone are the days when I had a short list that was simple to manage.

 I do find taking them all in one swallow to be useful. 

Just get them all down without any sticking to your tongue is the goal.

Forgetting which side effect goes with which medication
You read the inserts the pharmacy gives you. You read about the medication online. You know what emergency side effect to look for until, you forget which is which. Sometimes you have so many prescription medications and have so many switches all at once, you get mixed up on which med causes what. Once in a while, you know that more than one med causes the same side effect. Your mind gets overwhelmed so that when you sit in one doctor's office and report a current malady, all you can say is, "One of my meds causes that." It's easy to lose track.

That's OK, Jay. I don't need that flashy thing to forget.

Speaking of side effects, weird ones happen
Migraine medications often come from classes of drugs used for seizures, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. With these meds, you need to titrate to the correct level. Some even require titrate down before making a switch. Take my switch from Topamax to Lamictal. Topamax was awful and required gradual steps up and steps back down to avoid seizures. Lamictal requires a step up as well. What I wasn't prepared for when stepping up on the Lamictal was the nightmares and sleep paralysis. Holy crap! I've always had vivid dreams, but these nightmares scared the bejeezus out of me. Many of them required me to tell myself it was not real and to wake the fuck up. Lamictal also causes tremors or jerky movements that make you drop things, unexpectedly toss things, or flop your limbs around without meaning to.The Benlysta I'm on causes night sweats. Gee, thanks for that. I love soaking my sheets in the middle of the night while also being terrified of the girl whose face distorts into some sort of ghoul as she reaches to grab my hand. Good times.

Yup. Weirder than even whatever the hell is going on in this GIF.

Some side effects actually cause the symptoms of another condition
This seems totally counter-intuitive. However, it's fairly common. Take anti-inflammatory drugs even though you have Von Willebrands Disease so that people constantly ask you what you did to get the awful bruises that decorate your legs. Take this muscle relaxant for your fibromyalgia despite it causing considerable dry mouth to exacerbate your Sjogrens. Take this Benlysta for your lupus, but be warned it causes migraines, which you already have and the medications for it give you nightmares. You just can't win sometimes.

Yes, Doctor. It totally earns a massive head smack.

Instead of one doctor, you have a host of them
I currently have five doctors who treat the various conditions I have not including my eye doctor and dentist who also need to be informed of things. It gets problematic to get test results to everyone. Sometimes it takes three or four calls to get something faxed from one to another.  That's annoying, but not as annoying as reviewing your meds every time you see a doctor. Bear in mind, some of these doctors you see two or three times a year. Some work in the same medical facility, which means they have access to your record already. Sometimes you just want to shout at them all just to look at the updated last notation on the file and trust that the med list and allergy list are correct as is. Believe me, if I have a med change, I will notify you. When you ask, "Are there any med changes?" and I say no. Accept that rather than review the damn things anyway.

At least this is not one of my doctors.

You will get patronizing questions even from the best doctors 
When I say I had blisters on my scalp, I mean I had blisters on my scalp. One doctor who I trust implicitly asked me if I was sure they were blisters and not pimples. I replied that as someone who has had acne since puberty, I can tell the difference between blisters and pimples or ingrown hairs. When I say I'm tired a lot, I am tired a lot. It does not mean I have depression. It means I have lupus and migraines and I take Benlysta and Lamictal, which can cause insomnia. And oh yeah, sometimes I have nightmares from the Lamictal, which makes it difficult to get a good night's sleep. Without a good night's rest, I am tired the next day. It's not hard to figure out and please don't try to add another med to the mix especially one that I know will make me lose my libido or want to kill myself. Been there; done that. No thanks.

 If even Captain Obvious is rolling his eyes, you know something's not right.

You get Vacation Hangover

It does not matter how fantastic your trip was. You will come home and need recovery time. You may be brain-fogged out. You may get a migraine that puts you in bed. You may just need oodles of rest before you even think about unpacking. It blows. Accept it. Take care of you.

It will still make you Clint Eastwood grumpy, but take your time anyway.

You get sick of hearing how wonderful yoga is for everything

Don't get me wrong. I love starting my day with yoga. When my hip flexors are tight, only yoga works them out. However, when you tell someone that you have a condition like lupus, migraines, or fibromyalgia, yoga is the first thing they suggest/ask you if you've tried. Yoga is not a cure all. It does help, but lordy! Stop already. It's been around and been popular long enough everyone knows about its benefits.

Even Owl is tired of hearing about it.

There you have it. I may need to add to this list later, but these are the ones that made the list so far. These are the things that make you crazy when you think about them and cause you to knit your brow. It's all just part of life with chronic conditions. 

OK, Moose. I'll try to remember that.

photo from Northwest Trek