Pissed List

I'm just going to be honest. I've spent the better part of my week in my grumpy pants. It's been a rough week. I've had 5 days of active migraine pain. Needless to say, I've been grouchy. Without further ado, here  goes my pissed list.

Yeah, running away is a good idea, Goat.

People Blaming The School District For Not Being Clear Enough About The Levy
First of all, screw you. There were newscasts, op ed pieces, letters to the editor, two sparsely attended community informational meetings, board meetings every two weeks, and canvasing of the neighborhoods. There was also a lovely presentation  and explanation on the district website. Without the businesses jumping on board for the district, we did all we could to spell it out simply. If you are going to blame the district for not explaining the importance enough, I must ask what did you do to educate yourself? Did you attend any  of those meetings or visit the website? Did you watch the news, read  the paper, or ask one of the 1,000 employees about it? We were the only AA district that didn't pass their levy that day. Pretty clear message that this town does not support their schools. Good luck getting teachers or other professionals to move here with that knowledge. This vote will do nothing  to encourage young people to stay or to move here. Our community will continue to age.

Our district asking for support is not unlike this guy. We explain, but it's as futile as calling for Bueller.

I'm Sick Of Rushing Through Things Because I Don't Know How Much Movement I Can Get In Before I Am Laid Out In Pain
I move quickly and sometimes clumsily (Thanks Lamictal). When my head is in its firestorm of rage, it almost always gets worse when I move around, which means even going to the bathroom is a challenge. It's been exhausting  moving so quickly like I'm trying to meet a deadline in a  newsroom. Trying to jam all the things into the one window before it closes is stressful, and when you're supposed to avoid stress, it's a vicious cycle. Get it done. Get it right. Get back to rest. Repeat when able.

Gee thanks, Jeff.

I Resent Having To Push Through Work With Pain Because I Can't Call Off
I had pain start Tuesday. Ordinarily, I'd have stayed home Wednesday and likely managed things well enough too return Thursday. But not this week. I had a meeting on both Wednesday and Thursday so I had to slog through and stay home Friday, which makes our office staff thrilled because it's spring sports season and they really don't want non-athletic folk calling off on Fridays. Tough shit. After waking up three days in a row in pain and having to down a triptan and then move slowly only to then have the pain rage back in, I was toast Friday and not going to accommodate anyone but myself. Having to push through the pain only makes things ten times worse. I really want to punch people who say to do that. They clearly have no concept  or compassion. They have no idea what it's like to have to prep for sub every day before you leave because you just don't know what the next day will bring.

That's right. Fuck 'em all.

I'm Done With Fearing The Weather Report
Last week, we had a weather system with rain. Wouldn't ya know it? I got the pain. Yesterday, I was functional--only a 2 or so on the pain scale. Today, I looked at my phone for the weather and sure enough: rain storms. I used  to love storms; still do, but  now I have this fearful reaction to seeing those little rain  clouds with big 20 degree temperature variations. Seriously. Apprehension about the weather app. Fuckin' A.

Think this would work?

Fed Up With  People Saying That Violent Video Games Cause Active Shooters
So it's easier  to blame video games than it is to talk about background checks and holding people accountable for when their kid has access to the guns without restriction? These people clearly don't want to hear the evidence that contradicts their narrative. While it has been shown that violent video games increase aggression, aggression and violence are not equal. Not only that, but the aggression that is seen passes quickly--one report I read said 15 minutes and things go back normal. I have experienced this kind of aggression. I couldn't get past this one challenge in Diablo III and I got angsty. I got frustrated. I got loud. But when I shut the machine down and found something else to do, the aggression lifted. I didn't go out and try to hurt an actual person. It's not any more a video game's fault than violence  from explicit lyrics led to  Satanism in the 80s. How's about we talk about white male privilege and taking out their beef with the girl who rejected them along with as many others as possible? This situation is way the fuck more complicated than a goddamned game.

C'mon. I mean, Jason  didn't have violent video games and look what he did.

OK, maybe not the best example.

Beyond Vexed That My Hackles Are Always Raised When  I Hear About The Latest Crap Storm In Washington
There are two choices really: put your head in the sand or get outraged at every  news cycle. I saw an analysis of how media has changed since Watergate and why nothing is being done about the Mango Mussolini. Our ready access and consumption of media makes it easier to get information, but it also makes  it easier to get the wrong information. With so many ways to get news and so many outlets that just fan the flames, it makes it hard to know what's what. People used to trust the evening news because everyone was getting the same information. But now, those who support the Pumpkin Pimple get skewed and horrifically spun news (it works both ways I realize, but wait). It makes it hard for other Republican leaders to hold the Peach Poopstain accountable because to do so jeopardizes their reelection possibilities. Don't want to annoy their constituents who believe what their biased "news" reports say. They'd rather serve a master they don't respect or agree with? That's not right. Holding onto their power is worth trading  their values? They deserve to lose their position if that's true.

...elected officials would actually do what is best for  their country and its people.

There you have it. My  pissed list. I'd like to think that venting all that angst will release  the tension and pressure in my head, but I'm not that naive. I'm going to finish this blog and go lie down. I'm going to avoid the news, moving around too much, and thinking about work tomorrow. Maybe I'll curl up with  Anthony Bourdain season 8 of Parts Unknown with an ice pack behind my head, a cup of ginger tea, and at least one cat on my lap.

You and me both, Moose.

Moments

It's positively gorgeous today. It's about 70 degrees, big blue sky, and plenty of spring activity in the area. Twas a lovely day for getting out there and getting that pesky yard work done.

Totally could've used your help, Goat.

I went through and pulled some weeds from the herb garden. The Russian sage seems to have fought off the Monsanto incursion from last year. The asparagus has not. I'm still mad at the old neighbors for that killing.

Right, Woody? How dare they?

My husband removed a lilac bush that was mostly dead from the same spraying. Now we just need to get rid of those rhubarb plants. I am not a fan, but my husband likes it. We have friends who also like it and make pies etc. with it. Not my favorite. The stupid plant is already going to seed for the first time this season. Nuts!

I'm sure the rhubarb is laughing maniacally like this.

The raspberry patch is cleaned out. I started it, but my husband finished it. I'm glad they came back, but I really hope we get more berries. It was scarce last summer.

All the berries. I love all the berries.

But raspberry more than the others.

My husband had to finish the raspberry patch because I got to use the new mower. It's electric. It looks like a child's battery operated race car until it's unfolded. It's super quiet. I was surprised. I could talk to my husband while mowing and he could hear me. He's legally deaf, so this is a huge thing. Our backyard is enormous, but this new mower was not only quiet, it's easy to maneuver as well. I did some weed whacking first of course. While doing that, I noticed that our alley lilacs and the ones out front are getting ready to flower. I love lilacs in spring.

Spring is the best feeling after long, cold winters.

My husband tidied up some materials in the back yard; many needed to be tossed, but others just needed some organizing. This pleased me as we needed to be able to clear the weeds in that area and also I'll need somewhere to put the ladder this summer when I finish the painting on the east side of the house.

Or maybe this pig will paint the house for me...

Whaddaya say, Piggy?

The yard looks good. It's dry though. By now, we usually have had a lot of rain and the lawns are all vivid green. We've had very little rain. Consequently, the yard is still quite patchy and brown. It looks more like the start of July out there.

Well, it's not that bad, Dude...yet.

We'll be tilling next weekend to prepare for the planting of the garden.  I've got to make a list of veggies we shall plant. I do know I want more lavender for my herb garden. I can't get enough of the stuff in the herb garden. I might get some more catnip just to make those neighborhood cats happy. Ours, too.

Footage from the last time I planted catnip in the garden.

In the back of my mind though, I am worried that I've done too much. I did the UV protection to avoid problems with the lupus, but my muscles are really shaky. I couldn't lift anything for a while and they're still quaking. I wasn't out there that long, but it was enough I guess. It's always a precarious dance knowing that it's beautiful and you feel pretty good, so get the things done that need doing because you never know how you'll feel later. I had a migraine for the lest two days as well, so I was a bit fatigued anyway, but the things needed doing! Gah!

Gardening at night isn't such a bad idea if I didn't have to go to work the next day, Data.

It's never easy to figure out what you can do and what you shouldn't do. Do I feel good enough to get this much done on my list, or should I scale back? If I scale back, what will I be able to get done later?  I managed a small amount today, but how much of a toll will it take tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that? It's awful not knowing how much your body will go along with and how much punishment you will suffer for trying to live a normal life of things you enjoy.

That looks fun, Owl. That may be all I'm able to do tomorrow, so thanks for the idea.

For now, I will drink some more water. I will prep dinner with my husband. I will sleep well. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I will be able to go about my usual routine without difficulty. Besides, I want to enjoy the lovely job we did in the yard. It really does look nice.

You should come check it out, Moose.

We don't have a pool for you, but I'm sure the neighbor wouldn't mind if you used theirs.

Week in the Life

It's gorgeous here currently. It's about 80 degrees. My husband worked in the yard mowing, composting, and he even washed our cars. Ambitious man. He'll hurt like hell tomorrow, but he'll be proud of what he accomplished. It's early Sunday evening and I am reflecting a bit over the last week wondering where it went as we speed headlong toward summer.

Eat those tender, spring leaves, Goat. Tasty.

Beltane was this week. Definitely feeling the spring and starting to see it around town. The goslings along the river have emerged. The baby bunnies have braved life out of the den. Birdsong is the bloom of sound (I heard that on NPR just now. Lovely isn't it?). While I didn't do a full on ritual of any kind, I did spend some time in meditation on the what spring has to share. We're half way already--to mid-summer that is. It's hard to think of that in this region because we just established spring. We could still see snow, but it's likely to be that really heavy, wet kind that downs tree limbs and power lines.

Be gone, Demon Snow! I cast you out!

This week hasn't been all pondering the new season though. There's a real tension as we await the results of our school levy. Voting is on everyone's mind at the school. Some of our paras have already been told that they won't have jobs if the levy fails. Teachers without tenure are panicky. Teachers with tenure but little seniority are quaking. Even teachers like me who have 15+ years are worried because no levy means a reduction in force; that means tenured folks might be shuffled or worse, let go. Contracts are usually out by now, but they're waiting until after Tuesday. It's stressful and uncomfortable and no one is truly happy right now. We may smile and laugh, but underneath is a vibe of target-on-my-back disquiet.

Darts anyone? Anyone? 

I've been watching the teachers who have bravely been fighting for the students they love and teach. I've been cheering the teachers who walked out and forced their state's representatives and community members to listen. These efforts are long overdue. Listening to the state of some other districts in places like Colorado and Arizona and Oklahoma and Kentucky and West Virginia has been both eye-opening and inspiring. The idea of a strike has always been on my mind. I was a student in high school the last time our district went on strike.

Pretty sure I knew these guys then.

I was a sophomore and my mom worked in the district. My sister was in college already. My father was on disability and would soon be diagnosed with lymphoma in addition to his MS and chronic fatigue. While some of my classmates continued to go to school, I did not. Some students who stayed out like me saw it as a vacation. I did not. It was difficult. My mom's income was all we had as Dad's disability was really a pittance of the monthly income. His check was nowhere near enough to sustain our household. For the two weeks of the strike though, his disability was all we had coming in. Those two weeks were of course taken from mom's next paycheck, which was already scarce enough to meet our bills. I regret being an entitled, moody teenager then. You see, we had declared bankruptcy and we had a second mortgage because of the stupid ass requirements for disability. I don't know if Mom and Dad are out from under that yet or not.

The System: A Visual Representation.

Since then, I always felt secure in this district. We had passed levy after levy and the community really was behind the schools. Then the recession hit. Suddenly it was all about keeping what you had and if the schools needed money, they should scrimp, save, and only those with kids should pay taxes. Soon, we had restrictions on ordering supplies. Then, the paper was limited. No more color copies or card stock. The supplies like pencils, pens, post-its, dry erase markers and highlighters were no longer for student use and we had to account with the admin assistants for everything. Reduce reuse, recycle. We did it as levy after levy failed.

Ummm, thanks, Bart?

Then the reduction in staff started. Class sizes got bigger. Our special ed paras were axed, which meant our students with disabilities were hurt. They didn't have support in regular ed classes, so our resource classes got bigger and the student options got smaller. There weren't paras to support them enough in industrial tech classes or in business classes; they tried, but it was difficult for our neediest kids. Then the pressure to meet national benchmarks got worse. Failing school, loss of money, and morale sank. Yet, we kept showing up every day and worked our asses off to keep students engaged and challenged.

And yet they do, Daniel. They do.

We're desperate this year. My nephew is a senior and his Advanced Placement English class has been at 35 all year. If you are not familiar with AP classes, 35 is ridiculous. Trying to have a Socratic conversation with that many bodies confined in a room that was designed for a much smaller class (the building was finished in 1930) is absurd. I won't even mention the lack of adequate ventilation and antiquated boilers. A few years ago, the city did support a bond, which helped to address some of the aging buildings as well as start construction on a new elementary near where I live. But bonds are for building, levies are for learning. Trying to get the  community to understand that difference is challenging. Bond money cannot be used for operations. The rules are very clear on that.

Way to work around those rules!

Well played, Bun Bun. Well played.

Another complication that recently came to light is of course insurance. Health insurance costs are ridiculous right now, and our little corner of the world is no different. They want to end the insurance pooling. For my household, it's unsettling. My husband and I are both high risk on the health side of things. We rely on a pool to keep costs manageable. I really don't know what will happen if the pool goes away. I do know that our union has issued a demand to bargain. We've had great luck bargaining in the past, but this year it seems particularly ominous and irresolute. I just don't know where things are headed.

'Bout right.

I love spring. I love the earthy smell, the warmer temperatures, the baby animals, the buds on trees, and the flowers blooming. Until Tuesday night, I won't sleep easy though. I likely won't sleep easy after if the levy fails, but at least I'll know where things stand. There's a scene in Richard III by Shakespeare where Anne and Richard are talking over her dead husband's funeral procession. The fiend asks if he should live in hope. She replies that she hopes all men live so. Shall I live in hope? I keep trying, but I can't help feeling defeated already. At least our Education Secretary in Washington has our back. Oh. Wait...

Keep plugging along, Moose. Keep pushin' on.

Neither a Borrower, Nor a Lender Be

Scrolling along the other day, I came across one of those take-a-poll memes that attempts to be inspiring and self-reflective. It asked if we'd still be working the same job if money weren't a real thing. The goal of course being to assist me and other scrollers to follow our bliss so that the job we have never feels like a job because we love it so much.

Maybe I would've bought that plot of land in Scotland 

and gone to raise goats. 

What do you think, Goat? You and me and Scotland?

My answer at first was probably not. If money wasn't a thing, I'd have gone right to a master's program for acting. I would have moved to a major city, probably on the Pacific Northwest Coast. Let's be real here: if money were not a thing, there are a lot of implications and your chosen job is just one. Besides, if money wasn't a thing, why work in the first place? Who in the world is going to want to work in a water treatment plant processing sewage if they aren't getting royally compensated? Are there really people "called" to do this? I find it difficult to believe that someone would want to risk their life in a coal mine either. It seems like unless the money was involved, people would think "fuck this" when asked to go underground where you can die in a myriad of different ways especially when one of those ways is crushed to death. 

I don't think so either, Danny.

Congrats on your Danny DeVito Day BTW.

That aside, there are a tremendous positive implications, too. No more worrying about bills and whatnot. Prescriptions and doctor appointments and ER visits are no issue. Medical staff do it because they want to and you don't have to pay $200 for an aspirin in the ER. I don't really know how much an aspirin costs in the ER, but you get the point. People could stay home when they have a cold instead of going to work at their second job waiting tables. No pesky student loan repayments. Anyone can drive a Porsche and live in the Riviera. We could finally get that cabin in the woods far, far away from anyone else. The elderly would be taken care of because retirement villages and nursing homes wouldn't be so fricking expensive.  People would be fed because it's the right thing to do to help feed others rather than shaming them for using food stamps to buy whatever the fuck they want and you don't get a say just because you paid your taxes. Everyone could have those basic needs met: food, shelter, and clothing all available for everyone. We could all live in an age of utopian bliss!

Of course, what would Oprah give away? Everyone would already have that stuff.

As for teaching, I might actually still do it. Honestly, think about how much money is talked about in education. There's never enough. Money won't solve the problem. Teachers don't make enough. The buildings are falling apart and need some renovation. Books and school supplies cost too much. Students can't afford to pay their lunch bills.Technology is needed but we can't make it happen. The list goes on. If all that went away, think about how beautiful education could be. Learning for the sheer joy of learning! It'd be glorious.

Sure. If you wanted a deeper understanding of the many kinds of shrimp preparations, 

you could do that.

Without money, would we still compare our system to other countries via test scores? Probably not because there'd be no money in high stakes testing. We could get all the goodies to prepare students for the world in which they live. We could go on a fieldtrip to Madagascar to learn about lemurs rather than just watch a video. We could do some real authentic learning outside of four brick walls. Total immersion language learning and cultural appreciation. Maybe, just maybe we wouldn't grind teachers into the floor. Maybe, just maybe, students wouldn't lose their will to learn.

Teachers and students would no longer hear this knell of anguish.

It's an interesting idea. I don't have any clue how the world would function without money. Would we still have a trade system for goods? Would greed still be a thing if hoarding money wasn't possible? Would human beings be kinder to, gentler with, and concerned for others? I'd like to believe so, but I'm also cynical about humans. Some are gracious and benevolent even with the money system as it is. Others are just assholes. Can taking money out of the equation really fix that? I suppose that's what daydreaming is for though: a world with no assholes. 

Maybe I could just hang out with you, Moose. 

Would that be cool? You're not an asshole are you?

This Is Not The Post I Wanted To Write Today

I have a commitment to write my blog once a week. This I have done faithfully. I had a plan of what to write today. But I won't. Not today.

Nope. Nat today, Goat. Not today.

I've had a migraine since yesterday morning. I made it to my haircut. I made it through the grocery store. I even got some work done in the yard today. All with a terrible, knife-like pain through my eye and a persistent wallop across my noggin. 

That's pretty much it. GBBS-style. 

Now that I've pushed through some chores and such, I sit in my robe fighting nausea. The sunlight from a glorious spring day is leaking through from where Hissy pushed through to her gazing window. The light is not so welcome though. 

I don't think that's possible in this case, Eddie.

So that's it. That's all I got. No more. Thank you and good night.

Commitment managed, Moose. Commitment managed. Now eat your flower.

Weird Thoughts by Chronic Ilness

When you've got one or more chronic conditions, it's tough to keep a sense of humor about it. At times though, you realize that your thoughts are not like other people's thoughts due to your illnesses. That's when you start to chuckle at the absurdity of circumstances in your life. I give you random thoughts brought to you by my illnesses.

Are you trying to kiss me, Goat? Now that is absurd.

Sjogren's:
I wonder if these come in vaginal formula. 
My Xylimelts arrived this week. They work amazingly well. As I marveled one night at their efficacy, I began to think how wonderful it would be if they came in a formula for nasal passages. Then I began wondering how they'd work for a vagina. C'mon! If they can mimic saliva and make a tablet to stick to your molars, they can make a vaginal insert to keep things lubricated.

Wow. I wonder how long it took him to learn how to do that.

Migraines:
Did someone puke in here?  That's definitely vomit.
I was sitting at our tax appointment a few weeks back, and I kept smelling vomit. It was awful. Truly. It was nauseating to me, which made it all the worse. When we left, I asked my husband if he had smelled it. He had not. I did get a migraine a bit later that day though. Consequently, that vomit was part of my pre-pain fun. It also comes in dog poo and secondhand smoke varieties. Nothing like playing "Pile of puke or migraine? You make the call."

He must've gotten it right.

Von Willebrand's:
Can I wear something that shows my legs or will someone think I'm a victim of domestic violence?(That really happened a few years back. No lie.) This week it was actually warm enough to wear a knee-length dress that showed off my paler than pale legs. Before I left the house I thought I should check my current bruise situation. Sure enough, I had a lovely purple one on the back of my right leg that looked like I'd been thwacked with a croquet mallet. I had other smaller ones as well, but that purple one was something to behold. It kinda matched the dress actually. No idea what happened to create such a piece of bruised glory, but there it was for all to see.

Run over by guinea pigs is one theory, but I think I'd remember that.

Fibromyalgia:
Please gods don't let him/her hug me. Pleaseohpleaseohplease. Shit!
When my fibro is being pissy, I dread hugging. People I know are really into hugging. A friend of mine even got into a bit of a huff with me over the whole social hugging thing when I expressed my dislike of hugging especially with people I am not overly familiar with. Apparently my social boundaries and fibro pains should be less of a consideration than someone I don't know wanting to throw their arms around me. This was before people talked about body autonomy. It's fun to be hugging someone while all the while you are screaming in your head, "For the love of all that is sacred stop  hugging me!"

What? It should be a thing. 

Lupus:
Is that what they mean by "frothy" or is that just toilet cleaner solution?
Frothy urine is a sign of kidney complications in lupus folk. I've since determined that at work in the morning, it is indeed the custodian's cleaner that makes urine frothy before the toilet gets flushed a few dozen times. I know around the house when it's toilet cleaner, but in a public bathroom it's always a consideration that just makes you ponder the pee in the bowl way more than you ordinarily would.

Well, that's never happened. But I'm fairly certain it's not lupus related.

Anxiety:
Do I actually feel better?
This thought is absurd, but not funny. It's actually a bit terrifying because if you think you feel better and go do something, will you then feel awful and pay for it later? Do you stay home because you surely can't feel better and that other shoe is just waiting to drop? When hope breeds anxiety, you've reached a whole new level of absurdity.

Oh Ross! I'd always keep an appointment with you. Have no fear.

I'm sure these aren't the only random and ridiculous thoughts that my conditions will visit upon me. There will be more that are as equally odd as this list in my future I'm sure. For now though, I am going to risk going to a shindig at the dance studio this afternoon. I may even show off my bruises and hug someone.

 You're right, Moose. Let's not get carried away.

Dry Spell

Here we are in the second week of April; well into spring. However, in Montana we seem to be experiencing second winter. It was about 20 on Friday, about 30 yesterday, and today it looks like we might get to 38. Of course, we're at 28 right now. *sigh* I'm not going to complain too much about it though as I want to get as much precipitation as possible to avoid another catastrophic fire season. Along with the winter temperatures and snow though the winter dryness persists.

How you doin' with that dryness, Goat 1 and Goat 2? 

I don't spend much time talking about Sjogren's as other issues have taken the forefront in recent months. Winter dryness is difficult for everyone, but when you have Sjogren's it is just that much worse. You can use all the recommendations for dry skin and eyes that you read online like pat your skin dry after a shower, only spend 5 minutes in the shower with lukewarm water, use lotion while your skin is still wet, and run a humidifier. Even with all those, Sjogren's folks are dry like the dust bowl.

That's about right.

I've been searching for a facial skin regimen that will work for me. I tried the Korean Y.E.T. cleanser that uses snail slime as a moisturizer. It has a strong fragrance that I'm not fond of, but it does moisturize nicely. You have to use it consistently, not just once or twice a week for it to really be a benefit. I also use lavender day and night lotion from Avalon Organics. Love the smell, but it's not enough. A friend recommended a Crystal Charcoal Black Mask Sheet-Collagen to help moisturize and that is wonderful. I have to use it twice a week. Honestly, I'd like to use it more often, but I'll follow the label. Still though, my skin gets dry and flaky. Not as bad without these items, but still. You'd think my face would be happy and soft. Nopers. Still flaky. *sigh* I've even tried using a mask of baking soda once a week. Then there's the unfiltered apple cider vinegar as an astringent. Both of these help too, but I haven't found the precise formula with all these options that will keep the flakiness away. The ACV really helps with blackheads, which is a bonus. Work in progress I guess.

I can put the lotion on my skin you sicko. Won't make it better for anyone.

Then there's the rest of your skin that needs special care as well. Not only do I have to pat dry after a shower, I have to put a water activated lotion on before the pat down. I also have Gold Bond Extra Strength Medicated for when the skin on my legs is so itchy I can't bear it. I've broken blood vessels in my legs from scratching. I have lotion at school of course since I wash my hands after using the bathroom as well as before eating and after eating. I wash a lot. Let's just leave it at that. The trick is to find that lotion that moisturizes without making your skin break out. I read an advice article about products for Sjogren's dryness and ordered some items online. The Alba body butter should be here soon. Hopefully the fragrance won't be too strong that it sets off a migraine. Fingers crossed.

You got it, Kathy. Strong smells ain't worth it. Nuh-uh.

The dryness also makes your eyes a HUGE issue. A few years back I got the plugs in my eye ducts. This is common in dry climates like this one. Despite this, I have had to use just about every brand of moisturizing contact solution as well as every brand of eye drops. It's unreal. When you have Sjogren's, your days of wearing contacts are numbered. I wear my contacts sparsely now. A few times a week I wear glasses instead to work. I just can't face the contacts some mornings. I also wear glasses all weekend. I use Systane drops in the morning and the afternoon. I use the ointment tears overnight. Still got the grit and dryness lately. Those contacts come out as soon as I get home. I keep a pair of glasses in my purse in case the contacts have to come out while I'm at work. I've rubbed my dry, gritty eyes so much that I've caused stippled bruising around my eyes. I've even scratched my eyeball more than once from the rubbing. Last time, I had a rather large fuzzy spot in my field of vision and had to go see the eye doctor.

Almost, but it was right in the center of my vision field. And round.

Interesting side note: he totally hit on me. He gave me his personal cell number and made it clear that he doesn't give it to just anyone and there was that emphasis when he handed the card to me. He held it until I made eye contact, then he let go. Peeper creeper.

You get the idea.

When you have Sjogren's, you totally have to up your dental hygiene too. Brush twice a day with a preservative free toothpaste. Floss at least once (but twice is better) a day. Use a mouth rinse. Biotene is popular, but I didn't like it at all. The Total Care from Listerine works for me, and they do make it alcohol-free. Then there's also the take a water bottle with you wherever you go strategy. I'm also trying some lozenges that promise to create more saliva. Spry mints for during the day and Xylimints for at night. I've had a lot of sores and blisters in my maw lately, so I am trying to get back to the oil pulling as well. I fell off my routine with that one. Oops. Since that lapse, I've not only had more mouth sores, but I've had bleeding gums and broken teeth. Three in fact. In the last year. I also had a cavity last check up. First one since I started using the oil pulling, so best get back at that one. With Sjogren's, be prepared for dental insurance. I finally started buying it three years ago because some of my molars have significant fillings where they've broken and crowns are in my near future. Insurance assholes like to say they won't pay for crowns until after you've had insurance for at least a year. Bastards.

Fucking racket, right Eric?

Nasal sores are also a thing as are sores at the corner of the mouth. Thankfully, bacitracin helps clear those up overnight. Ayr nasal salts or spray also keep things moist and free from bleeding in the sniffer.

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here either, 

but it is definitely not helping nasal dryness.

For women, there's the added bonus of vaginal dryness. Just get comfortable with lube people. It's your friend. Some use coconut oil for this. What don't people use coconut oil for amirite? Some years ago I was talking about sex and intimacy with a close friend. The topic of lube came up and I mentioned how I was experiencing terrible dryness and sex without lube was painful. She kinda snorted and said that she's never had that problem. It came out rather judgey like because I needed lube, my sex life was clearly not as good as hers. She'd probably be horrified to think about her response now, but it made me mad at the time. I mentioned to her that she was lucky to have such plentiful vaginal lubrication instead of the unending drought of my Sjogren's vagina. The conversation ended at that point.

Oh yes, Mr. Dinklage. You've got it right there.

Lastly, I'm trying some omega-3 again. The pills are huge and hard to swallow. With the Sjogren's, pills can get stuck a lot. Large ones are even worse. Krill is stupid expensive, so the smaller size is easier, but too damned costly. Flax seed is nice, but it's not enough at 3 tablespoons a day. Last time I was on omega-3 fish oil, I started getting really nauseated. My GI doc told me to stop the fish oil. That was years ago; I'm hoping it's been long enough that I can try again. I found some liquid type instead to put in my smoothie etc. I'm hoping it helps without the nausea. When I was taking the pills, I was taking a fairly high dose and my rheumy was worried about the fact that I was still so dry. We'll see how this goes.

No witty remark about my fish oil. It's just terribly cute.

Almost 20 years ago it all started with repeatedly blocked and infected salivary glands. It took a lupus flare for the doctors to figure out that the salivary gland problem was actually a symptom of Sjogren's. The dryness is the most well-known issue with Sjogren's, but there are plenty of others like the peripheral neuropathy and organ involvement and achy joints etc. as well as the skin and brain lesions. Google those skin images. I dare ya. There's also the added benefit of lymphoma. I have a family history as well, so there's that. Yeah me.

Why hello there Tom. Nice distraction technique you have there.

Anyway, winter can go away now. I'm ready for warmer temperatures and sunny skies. My parched body is ready, too. Pardon me, but it's time for my afternoon eye drops.

Be sure you pat dry and moisturize when you get out, Moose.