Natural One

I came across this posting on pagan page this morning.  I honestly believe this to be true.  Oddly enough, I also came across this article about complex amino acids and carbon compounds in space indicating that life could be possible elsewhere in the universe. I already knew that from watching all the science documentaries that I do that talk about the metals on rocks.  The postings about the acids though are apparently falsehoods.  Bastards!  I'm not sure how to work into this topic.
I've received some subtle hints from my family about spiritual shows or books or just inspirational emails to read ever since I told my aunt I didn't need any more prayer books.

I began to ponder this idea.  I spend my Sunday in quiet contemplation when I can.  I read blogs from atheists like Greta Christina or pagan and Wicca sites that uplift me.  I also read "This Week in God" from Rachel Maddow's blog as well as at least one posting if not more about the Catholic church's woes in the world as well as the strife caused by other world religions.  I also try to incorporate some science documentaries in the mix.  I really don't need any more to add in especially specifically Catholic or Christian rhetoric. 

I'm not bitter mind you.  I know plenty of bitter Catholics.  I'm more ambivalent on the matter.  It occurs to me as I ruminate on the religion I left behind that I never felt fulfilled in church.  At most I felt annoyed by the noisy and crying children in the pew in front of me.  I didn't enjoy religious studies as a kid.  I remember being horrified by these Bible stories that were animated for kids.  The one about King Herod killing the babies made me so sad as a kid.  The pictures of bloody babies and soldiers slaughtering them filled me with confusion.  What on Earth did a loving God have to do with this story?  It was awful. 

I never connected personally with my faith.  I went through all the sacraments mind you--except Holy Orders and Last Rites for obvious reasons. I have participated in the Anointing of the Sick, which is Last Rites for the modern era.  It just never comforted me the way it seems to comfort others.  I never felt that warmth or need to turn to God in my times of distress.  I never felt the peace that faithful mention feeling in the presence of God.  I recall being in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York.  I thought it was a magnificent cathedral.  It's huge and beautiful and astounding.  Then there's the gift shop.  I remember being absolutely appalled at that.  I couldn't help but think about Jesus in the marketplace.  

Being in nature is a whole other matter.  I find the woods deeply relaxing.  I find meditating near a river or lake profoundly moving and calming.  I feel at peace when I perform a full moon ritual not because I feel the Lord and Lady's physical presence or the "power" or whatever you want to call it.  I feel a harmony with every living thing in those moments.  Paganism reminds me that we are all connected.  We are all on this planet together for better or for worse. I never once felt that in church.

I hope the emails and subtle hints stop.  I may have to speak up if they don't.  For now though, I will accept and delete.