A great deal of this chapter has been covered in previous chapters and posts and I see no reason to belabor points regarding circle casting, cakes and ale, or initiation. Therefore, let me turn to the lesser discussed ceremonies of handfasting, birth and death.
Handfasting: I was deeply honored to be asked to officiate a wedding over the summer. I did go online and obtain a minister certificate from Universal Ministries so the service I performed was legally binding according to current state requirements. Laws about this vary so you need to do some investigating for your area and even once you do, be prepared for bias. I know of at least one person who did the digging and was dismayed to have the clerk tell her that she couldn’t have a marriage license if the person officiating wasn’t “official.” This statement was probably the clerk’s bias since the state law said anyone could perform the wedding. In fact—that’s the way it used to be. Anyone—not necessarily someone ordained—could stand in front and say the words “I pronounce you husband and wife.” This has however changed. Personally, a marriage is a private contract between two people and whatever they agree to should be enough. Unfortunately, things get tricky in today’s world when it comes to trying to get benefits from an employer for your spouse. Be informed and do what ye will!
Anyway, I have performed a wedding. The couple did not want a handfasting specifically which means I didn’t literally tie the knot around their hands with a cord, but they were gracious enough to let me say, “Blessed be” really loudly at the end. I also went hunting for examples of vows etc. for them to choose from since they were looking for something non-denominational yet still of the Christian persuasion. Perhaps eclectic is a good way to describe it. Anyway, there are a ton of resources out there on the internet. Know the couple, know the resources, give them options and most of all—take it seriously. This is a commitment! Now a lot of Wiccans use the adage “for as long as love lasts” instead of “till death do you part.” They may also choose “for a year and a day” making reference to the practice of a sort of trial wedding. The couple would be handfasted for a year and a day and if things didn’t work out, they simply parted ways and that was that. If things went well, then they may choose a more concrete wedding ceremony or they might just continue living together with no further public notice. My point though is this is a serious commitment and one that you should prepare yourself for in every way possible. The couple has given you a great honor—respect it.
Birth Ceremony: hmm…it’s called a Wiccaning. It’s kind of like a baptism, but again there’s some wiggle room. I believe that a baby is innocent when born and therefore needs no cleansing to get rid of that pesky original sin. I also believe that the baby deserves the chance to choose his or her own spiritual path. That said, if I was ever to have a child, I would probably hold a Wiccaning with my husband simply to present our child to the Lord and Lady and to ask Their blessing and to thank Them for the miracle of a baby in our lives. Again, know the couple, know the intent, take it seriously, and investigate as many resources as you can to help guide you.
Death Ceremony: I have found my simple honoring ceremonies extremely helpful in the grieving process. I have said blessings and honorings for friends who have asked that I remember their loved one in my next ritual and I have also held rituals specifically for me to have that farewell that humans need when someone has died. I must be clear—I tend not to think of terms like Heaven, Hell or even Summerland. Scandalous I know, but I really don’t know what happens afterward and life is too beautiful and wonderful to worry about the afterlife. I prefer to live in the here and now to the best of my ability. If that in some way affects what happens after I die, ok. Bring it on, but I’m not sold on the idea of an afterlife. I tend to think that perhaps we move on to another plane of existence—something akin to parallel worlds in physics. Or maybe we’re just dead and that’s all she wrote! However, grieving is another matter. I have found it extremely helpful to have a picture of the person, their obituary, or the flier from the official service on my altar. I light a candle and ask the Lord and Lady to bless the person’s passing . Then I thank Them for the person’s presence in my life, help me remember the lessons the person taught me and to please surround me with comfort and peace as I grieve. I also recall good times with the person. I must also admit that I often cry—I mean sob and wail and keen. It’s very therapeutic and I don’t hold back. I’m like that though—I don’t like crying in front of people so by the time I get to a ritual of death, I am ripe to unleash the emotion. I’ve found more comfort in this kind of ritual than any funeral or memorial service I have ever been to. I don’t write it ahead of time either. This is one of those that I prefer to let myself give up some preplanning and go with the flow.
I hope this posting makes it clear that research, planning and sincerity are important. If not, THEY ARE!All of these specific rites can be written to the specific participants. It should be a time for you to get to know the people involved and to connect on another level with the Lord and Lady. These are deeply spiritual and emotional times in human experience so take it seriously and may They bless and guide you.
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