Sweet Release

I took yesterday off.  Totally off.  No demands, no interference, just OFF!  My own little siesta into me time.  I started a new book and gave into the notion that hand sewing is nothing more than a test of my creative expletive usage.
Today though is a new day.  A new work week even.  Today I am struck by what makes me happy.
Letting go is sometimes what makes me happy.  Releasing whatever is plaguing you or interfering with your ability to go about life as you want to makes a difference.  Part of yesterday's ponderings involved me letting go of something.  It's the last little tether that I know will cause some stirrings somewhere, but here it just brought me calm.
You see, for years my aunt has sent me this little booklet of daily Catholic devotions.  She asked a few years ago if she should still send them to me since I am not attending church.  At the time, God and I were still on speaking terms and the booklets were a way to maintain that link.  However now I read those daily devotions and I feel mostly ambivalence.  I refer to them as "testing my tolerance."  That's not animosity you detect mind you, it's just me realizing that indeed, these meditations are just that--tests of tolerance.  They fulfill no other function in my life.  I read them and some of them irritate me.  Like the one for January 9th talks about the passage from the Bible in Mark 6:50: Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid.  This article talks about a woman who had overwhelming anxiety and the only way through it was "to turn her fears over to God."  Ok--so I am glad that worked for her.  If she was able to live a life as something other than a shut-in because she gave her fears over to something like God, good for her.  Personally, I call bullshit.  I don't feel like her at all and therefore I just got a little annoyed at trying to connect to this passage.  I looked at it as trading one delusion for another.  Her life--whatevs.  Not mine and not for me.  So be it.  Everyone has their therapeutic method.
Some of these little articles though talk about topics that I can relate to.  On January 2 the snippet deals with singing.  Now I love to sing.  It's why I adored church at all.  I loved singing hymns like "Be Not Afraid" or even better--Christmas hymns like "O Come, O Come Emanuel."  LOVE them.  I even joined the Liturgical Choir in college because I could sing!  Now this day's passage states that " beautiful music is itself a prayer" and that when you combine music with praise to God then you get this vision into "the new Earth to come."  Now I truly believe in the power of music and as I've said, music was my favorite part of mass, but I don't feel obligated to "sing praise to the Lord" to get my fix of spirituality or musicality.  I think I can scream along with Queensryche or close my eyes and daydream with the Drum Brothers' CD's.  It doesn't matter to me either way.  What does matter to me is everything else that goes along with the author's assumption with this piece.  He states, "Only singing praise seems adequate" to sum up our relationship to God.  Even the word music means characterized by being of or with the muse.  Muse of course being Greek goddesses of literature, science and arts.  However, I take exception with having to sing praise to God.  I get what the guy is driving at and I get what it feels like to sing at church, but nope.  I can sing along or drum along with other bits of music without subscribing to God.  I admit: I like to listen to music to meditate.  It's usually music that is instrumental or in a language I don't know, but it's more about finding that inner calm than praying to the Great Almighty.  There was a time when this article would have really resonated with me.  Now I can relate, but it's not me or my path.
So I let it go.  I sent word to my aunt to stop sending them.  I suggested that she spend the dollar or two in other ways.  Perhaps drop it in a cup for a panhandler or stuff it in the collection box at a museum.  That to me will give a far greater return on her investment.